Snape was not happy to see me standing outside his office.
He looked down at me over his large nose. "Miss Thorncroft," he acknowledged me coldly. "To what do I owe the... pleasure?" He said the last word like it required quite a bit of force.
My nose tickled at the smell of dust wafting from his office. Politely, I said to the professor, "I know I'm not scheduled until next Thursday, but I wanted to get a head start on Careers Advice."
Snape stared at me, his dark eyes not blinking. He looked like he was preparing to tell me no- but then he swiftly motioned for me to take a seat in one of his dragonhide chairs, and he sat on the other side of his desk, his cloak stirring up dust on the floor as he moved.
"You are not the first Slytherin student to ask for an early Careers meeting. Ambition is one of our prized traits, after all. But I do not give special treatment to anyone, Miss Thorncroft, even you."
I squared my shoulders, making sure my spine was ruler-straight. I had a premonition he would say no; but he invited me into his office anyway, and I wasn't going to let this chance go to waste. "I understand, professor. I know you're a busy man, so I'll get straight to the point. I wish to become a Healer. Madam Pomfrey has told me I show promise, and I have been studying all of the Healing texts that are available to me. However, there are certain books I cannot obtain because they are in the restricted section. To further my understanding of healing magic, more specifically, healing applied to Dark Magic, I need access to these texts. I would like your permission. Please."
Unfortunately, Snape could tell immediately what I was getting at. His icy expression was so hard it could cut glass.
"I know what you are trying to do, Miss Thorncroft," he said, sending a chill down my spine. "You are attempting to research how to remove the Dark Mark."
I tried to keep myself collected, but I was effectively caught off guard. I had no idea how he could tell my objective that quickly. "I-"
"Do not bother," Snape said sharply. "The Dark Mark is among the most sinister Dark Magic ever created. It was designed by the Dark Lord himself to be impossible to remove, meant to endure even if the Dark Lord himself were to perish. Any Healers who have attempted to remove it have died instantly from the curse embedded within it."
The threats Snape presented didn't scare me. "Just as the Dark Lord has created new Dark Magic, healing magic can also be created to circumvent it," I replied. "With the appropriate information and supplies, a cure will be found."
"Impossible," Snape grumbled, not willing to entertain my hopeful idea.
"How would you know?" I snapped.
"Because I've tried," Snape retorted, his voice rising enough to rattle some of the bottles on his shelves. My body became petrified at Snape's yell. It was odd to hear him sound so pained.
Snape collected himself and his voice lowered to its normal stone-cold tenor. "I am telling you right now that it cannot be done. You wish to become a great healing witch? Then you need to come to terms with the fact that some curses cannot be broken. Acts of blood and darkness cannot be reversed. Your talents are better off being used to cure people who have not devoted themselves to a lifetime of agony."
"Draco didn't want this pain," I pleaded. "He didn't know what he was getting himself into-"
"He knew exactly what he was doing, child," Snape replied firmly. "He's chosen his fate. Now you have the chance to choose yours. You could do what's best for the both of you and part ways, or remain by his side and endure years of suffering in a world dominated by Dark Magic." His voice became gravelly and low. "And we both know his world is one that you will never fit into."
My throat was dry. Snape was doing it again- speaking like he knew I was half-Squib.
"You- you know, don't you?"
Snape looked bored as he uttered, "Yes."
"Wh-who told you-"
"You have heard of legilimency, I am assuming? The ability to look into someone's mind, and see the truth." Snape looked at me from the corner of his eyes. "I knew the second you returned from holiday that you were half-Squib. Not that I didn't already have my suspicions."
The walls of his office suddenly felt like they were closing in around me. He's known. He's known this whole time.
"You really thought that you were pureblood because you were sorted into Slytherin?" Snape continued, still sounding bored and irritated. "That was a foolish assumption to make. Because I, myself, am a half-blood."
I blinked furiously at Snape's revelation. That couldn't be the truth- the head of Slytherin house, and one of the most trusted followers of the Dark Lord was a half-blood?
"Why are you telling me this?" I demanded, not sure why Snape would trust me with this giant piece of information.
"Because you and I are not so different," Snape drawled, looking at me with careful eyes. "Trust me when I say that I am willing to see to it that you survive. That is why I am telling you now to stop your hunt for the Dark Mark's cure."
"I have to find a way to remove it," I said fervently, finally showing a bit of my Slytherin ambition. "I've been doing research for the past two weeks on medical countercurses and jinx removals. I can recite the procedures backwards and forwards. All I'm missing is the information on how the Mark works-"
"Have you not been listening to me, insolent girl?" Snape yelled, making my insides shrivel. "Cease your hopeless conjectures and face the reality before you! Draco has chosen his path. I'm telling you now that if you want to live, you would leave the boy."
I glared at Snape. "...I'm not running away."
Snape looked like he wanted to laugh. "Hmph," he chortled darkly. "I suppose it is not impossible that you may be able to squeeze yourself into Draco's life once the assassination is completed. After all, Malachi Sloan is a convenient coverup for your blood status. However," he said this part with menacing slowness, "You and I, as well as Draco, will know you will always be living a life of lies. If that is the life you desire, then by all means, carry on. But-" He leaned in slightly, "The best advice I can give you, Miss Thorncroft, is that you leave while you still can."
I sniffled in contempt. I didn't even realize it, but I had started crying. Snape looked at my tears with as much indifference as a toddler looking at paperwork.
Snape waved his fingers and a file from a shelf behind him flew to his hand. He laid it out upon his desk and removed a single piece of paper, enchanting it to hover before me.
"I have here a recommendation that you be transferred to Ilvermorny's healing programme."
"Ilvermorny?" I gasped. "In America? No-"
"Do not interrupt me," Snape said sharply. "Should you choose to leave, it would be wise to do so before the assassination takes place. This letter, signed by me, will clear you from the rest of term."
I gaped at the letter hovering before me. Snape's scrawling signature was at the bottom, right below where it said my grades were excellent and qualified me for immediate transfer to Ilvermorny to finish my 5th year.
"I'm not taking this," I said immediately, but my voice sounded hollow and ghost-like.
Snape's eyes narrowed. "I am offering you salvation. Once the Headmaster is killed, the castle will be thrown into disarray. You will not get this chance again."
I chewed my lower lip. The truth was, Snape's offer was more appealing than I would have liked. It made me feel horrible for even considering it. But I had to think about Draco. If I left, he would lose his strength. Without my support, he may not be able to face Dumbledore- and then he would die...
"Draco has more people on his side than you realize," Snape said, likely reading my thoughts again. "He will persevere without you. I will make sure of it."
I bolted up from my seat. "I refuse your offer." I turned to leave, and then remembered that even though he pissed me off, Snape was still a professor. "Good day," I said sharply, and then left.
I had to get out of Snape's office. If I spent another moment in there looking at that piece of paper that would seamlessly remove me from Hogwarts and place me in Ilvermorny, I might have actually accepted it. After all, America was where my parents were. And the school had a healing programme. I did adore Madam Pomfrey, but she would understand the appeal of a curriculum focused on healing.
As I walked down the frigid hall from Snape's office to the Slytherin common room entrance, I realized that nothing was keeping me at Hogwarts except for Draco.
Draco is very important to me. But when will I stop thinking of him and start thinking of my own future?
I stepped into the common room and was stunned at the scene unfolding before me. My thoughts immediately came to a halt when I saw a crowd of riled up Slytherin students all in a circle in the center of the common room. I shouldered my way past them to see what was happening.
Draco was pinning Blaise Zabini to the ground, his eyes wild and fist cocked.
"Draco!" I yelled, but it was too late. Draco's hand came down, and with a swift crack collided with Blaise's nose. Crabbe and Goyle pulled Draco off of Blaise, all the while Draco was thrashing and kicking.
"Get off!" Draco hissed. "I'm not finished!"
Blaise's hand covered his face, and then came away coated in blood. I had no idea how this started, or why Draco decided to attack Blaise without a wand. It didn't matter. I switched into Healer mode and rushed to Blaise, kneeling on the carpet beside him.
"Blaise, your nose is broken," I said worriedly.
Blaise glared at me, streams of blood slipping past his lips and onto his white collar. "You don't say?"
"Get away from him, Erica!" Draco growled. Crabbe and Goyle were still holding him by the arms, restraining him despite his frantic efforts to break free. All of Slytherin house was watching and murmuring to each other.
"Crabbe, Goyle, keep Draco out of this," I ordered, drawing my wand and preparing to heal Blaise's nose. I glared at the crowd of students. "And everyone else, clear out. Now."
Crabbe and Goyle dragged Draco back to their dormitory, saying, "Cool off, man. He didn't mean it." The students lingered for a moment, upset that the interesting bit was over. Bored now that Draco was gone, they went off their separate ways, giving me some privacy to heal Blaise.
"Episkey."
Blaise's nose righted itself with a gross crackling sound. He groaned and wiped residual blood away, leaving streaks of red on his white shirt cuff.
"What happened?" I demanded.
Blaise glowered at me, looking at me with venom. "Shouldn't you be checking on your boyfriend?"
"I will in a moment. But I had to help you first."
Blaise flinched as I cast a tergeo spell on his face, clearing his chin and nose of the dried blood. He didn't look the slightest bit grateful for it.
Blaise frowned at me. "I don't like you," he hissed.
That didn't shock me. Blaise hadn't warmed to me as much as Crabbe and Goyle had, but I didn't know the reason. I just assumed he was just a loner- maybe a bit misogynistic, even.
I held his cold gaze with my own ferocious glare. "May I ask why?"
"You've made Draco soft," Blaise spat. "At the beginning of the year, he was determined and ruthless. He told Crabbe, Goyle, Pansy and I that he had been given an important task by the Dark Lord, and he was going to do anything it took to see it completed. We didn't know what it was but we still wanted to help. He told us that he could do it himself. I believed him, then," Blaise paused to scoff, all the while glaring at me from underneath lowered brows. "Draco used to be a man of cold conviction. A fortress. Now, because of you, he's crying in his sleep and exploding at anyone who so much as looks at him wrong. He's going to fail his task, and it's all because you've distracted him and made him think about love instead of legacy."
I listened to Blaise with a stone face. This was the most I had ever heard Blaise speak to me, and it was quite sharp and cruel. I swallowed.
"What makes you so special, anyway, that he's willing to accept your help over ours?" Blaise said coldly. "You're just a 5th year he's known for a couple of months. We've been his friends for five years. You've ruined one of the greatest wizards I've ever known and turned him into a lovesick shadow of who he used to be."
I pursed my lips. "Is that what you told him, then, to make him so angry?"
Blaise exhaled heavily, sending invisible tendrils of hatred in my direction.
"Word for word."
He rose from the carpet, grabbing his wand from where it lay on the floor. It must have been knocked from his hand during the fray. "Now bugger off. Go heal someone who actually wants it."
Blaise slouched out of the common room, leaving me alone on the floor. I didn't want Blaise to see me get upset, but now that he was gone, I could press a shaky hand to my mouth and cry.
It wasn't just Snape who didn't want me here. Draco's friends also thought I was hindering him more than helping him. It made me feel awful- like I was just a big mistake. Maybe they were right. After all, when I met Draco, he was an unstoppable force of a person. But that had changed since he met me.
And even though I tried not to think about it- I, myself, wanted to leave, and run to the safety of my mother and father's arms.
"Oh, God," I whimpered, rising from the floor. I ambled to the women's loo so I could cry, and try to not think about all the people who wished I didn't exist. I shut myself into a bathroom stall, my back collapsing against the door as I shuddered and sobbed, trying to desperately convince myself that I was strong enough to endure this. This year had hardened me greatly, and yet my ego was still made of glass, cracked by the pressure of the external forces upon me. My boyfriend was steadily going mad, his friends despised me, my own roommates wouldn't speak to me, and I wasn't any closer to figuring out how to remove the Dark Mark.
I quickly stifled my sobs when I heard Pansy Parkinson's voice. I pressed my ear against the stall door to listen.
"Why are you following me? Get out of here."
"I know what you did, Pansy."
I recognized the second voice as Penny's. The two sisters sounded like they were fighting.
"Whatever it is you think I did I'm sure you're mistaken. Now scram."
"You put veritaserum in Blaise's coffee," Penny said in her familiar shrill voice. "I know you keep it in that silver shine-stone flask I got you last Christmas."
Pansy made a guttural scoffing noise. "Keep your voice down. There could be someone else in the loo." Pansy started to march down the center of the stalls, checking under the gaps for feet. My heartbeat quickened as I heard the rhythmic clomping of her heavy loafers against the stone. She was getting nearer to where I was hiding in the very last stall- so I balanced my feet atop the toilet.
"Fine," Pansy said sharply, marching back to her sister. I exhaled shakily in relief. "I thought that giving Blaise truth serum would make Draco finally come to his senses. He needed someone to tell him that he's making the wrong decision, and he's stopped listening to me. I knew Blaise doesn't like her either, but he was never going to say so. He just needed a little push."
"That's.... That's evil, even for you."
"Oh, piss off. You don't even like her."
"I'm only ignoring her until she and Draco break up," Penny retorted angrily. "Draco and Erica won't be together forever. Draco is going to dump her eventually, and when that happens, I was going to let her go back to being mates with me and the girls again."
I heard Pansy scoff. "You should be thanking me for helping things along, then."
"You're a bitch."
"Oh yeah? Then that makes you a little bitch, which is even worse. Now go suck off McAvoy in the owlery or something." Pansy clomped away, and I heard Penny's heavy footsteps follow.
I slowly stepped off of the toilet. So Blaise only said those things about me because he was unknowingly drugged with veritaserum. But that still meant that what he said was true. And Pansy only did what she did because she was concerned about Draco. As much as I disliked her, I did respect that she was a fierce friend to him.
And Penny- god dammit, Penny- I thought she hated me for being with Draco. But she didn't hate me at all. She just didn't know how to be friends with me when she was so blinded by her jealousy. I didn't know how I felt about her now, because in truth I did miss her companionship; and it seemed she still cared about me enough to stand up to Pansy for meddling. She was a fierce friend just like her sister.
Draco's friends were frighteningly loyal to him. And instead of respecting that loyalty, he's pushed them away to be with me.
He's pushed almost everything away to be with me.
And to give him my thanks, what was I doing? Contemplating transferring to Ilvermorny? But if I did choose to take Snape up on his offer, it would simplify things. Draco could focus on his task, and lean on his friends for support. I could be with my family and pursue healing in America. It was the obvious choice. The easy choice.
But I've never been one to do the easy thing; and I wasn't going to start now.