Four chapters left :'(
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Bianca's POV
"It doesn't help," I say monotously. My eyes were closed as I leaned back on the sofa in the lounge.
I heard Jasmine put down the glass of wine in defeat. "You sure?" She asks but I don't reply. "It helped me when I was dealing with heart break," she says.
I let out a sigh and glance at her. "When have you ever dealt with heartbreak?" I ask her. Jasmine has never been a relationship person, except from now because I've noticed she's been getting real comfy with Michael.
"I don't know..." she trails off as the realisation hits. "Well it still helps to calm down. I'm not asking you to get drunk."
"Remember when you told me you cheated on Michael back when you two where teenagers," I point out as I moved my gaze to the ceiling. I had completely ignored her last statement, she noticed but chose to let that topic slide.
"Yeah," she replied.
"With who?" I ask.
It takes a few seconds for her to reply. "I don't know, I was drunk," she says. "I think it was Blake tho."
My eyes widen at her words. "Blake?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"Now that I think about it, you two did have a thing before," I say. I recalled catching them making out years back in that cabin I was hidden in a few weeks before the war.
"Oh. It was nothing really," she says casually and I hear her pour herself another glass of wine after finishing mine. "Just a fling. Left as quickly as it came."
"Does Blake um... Have anyone?" I ask curiously. Now that I think about it, I've never heard him talk about his love life or even seen him with anyone.
"Looking for a replacement already? Damn-"
"Ugh shut up Jasmine!" I yell with red cheeks. "I was literally just asking-"
Jasmine cuts me off with her laugh, "I was just kidding!"
I roll my eyes. "Whatever."
"I don't know about him. He's a very private person," she tells me and I nod understandingly while staying silent. Asher would know, but it's not like I'd ask him, it's also Blake's business not mine.
I haven't seen Asher since yesterday at the bowling alley. I don't even think I want to see him anyway. The pain is still fresh and I know that I've never felt like more of a fool for the decisions I made. The thought of ending our relationship seemed easy, but now that's it's a reality it feels terrible.
I still have feelings for him and I feel so guilty for ruining what we had. I wish I could fix it but I don't know if that's possible.
Right now my thoughts are all over the place and I'm torn between apologizing and trying to make things right or just leaving it the way it is so we can all move on - that's if we all do.
Jasmine told me Asher left for work early this morning and it didn't take a second thought to understand it was so he could avoid me.
"It's Christmas tommorow," Tobi's sings as he struts into the room with wrapped boxes in his hands.
"How the hell did you get in?" Jasmine asks. "We're the only ones at home!"
"You left the door open," Tobi casually says as he drops the gifts on the coffee table.
"Wow! This is so cool!" Jasmine says as she walks to the presents, "do I have one?"
"There's one for everyone," Tobi says with a proud smile on his face.
"I'll keep them under the Christmas tree downstairs," Jasmine says as she manages to lift all the presents and leave the room. Jasmine and Shawn managed to decorate the house for Christmas two days ago, but only downstairs. They could barely decorate intensely since the mansion is very large, so they only decorated places guests would see as if we ever have guests anyway.
I fold my arms and sink into my seat as I stared at Tobi. He looked good in his thick white hoodie with a black leather jacket over it and some black jeans. I didn't bother to look down at his shoes but I'm sure they're some expensive brand.
"You look so upset," Tobi said with a chuckle as he sat next to me on the sofa. He eyed the half full bottle of red wine suspiciously, "the breakup hit that hard huh," he said as he closed the bottle.
I rolled my eyes at the sociopath and look down at my nails. "What do you want?" I ask harshly. I don't want to speak to him or anyone at all. Just let me hurt in peace.
"I just want to ask if you're okay," he starts. His voice was a lot softer, I haven't heard this tone on him since we were together. He was a good boyfriend, but he was a cheater.
Tobi continues speaking when I don't reply. "You know, everything that happened yesterday between you and-"
"Don't. Don't say his name," I interrupt sharply. "And I'm fine."
He scoffs, "bullshit. I know you Bianca. We dated for over a year, eemember?"
I chuckle darkly, remembering the sight of him and some girl in bed together. "Oh, I remember alright."
"So I kind of know you enough to notice when you're lying," he says.
"Or I'm just being intentionally obvious because I want you to know I'm not okay. Not that you're attentive or anything," I say.
He pouts, "you just can't give me a moment can you?"
"You're the one saying crap," I argue playfully.
"I'm try to be a supportive ex boyfriend here," he says.
I shake my head turn my head towards him, "I don't need a supportive ex boyfriend, Tobi. I need a supportive friend," I say seriously and for once I saw the playful look on his face fade into worry. "For once Tobi, could you take my feelings seriously?" I ask, my voice broke slightly but I was able to catch my tears.
Great now I might cry.
"Bianca..." he calls softly while placing an arm around my shoulder. "I'm sorry, I was being a dick."
I nod understandingly and try even harder to keep the tears at bay. "It's fine."
He doesn't reply for a few seconds and just keeps his arm around me comfortingly. "You must really like this guy huh?" He asks lowly.
I felt too weak to lie or try to make up excuses. It almost felt like my heart was bruised and still healing. Excuses seemingly could only bruise it the more and make me feel even worse. I had to be honest.
"A lot more than I should," I reply silently. My voice sounded raspy and my throat was dry but I didn't care. I enjoyed the embrace and I didn't want out of it any time soon.
"Then why did you end everything? I thought you two were good?" He asks.
A pang of guilt hit me and I looked down, "we were. I ruined everything," I say. "I heard something bad about him and completely believed it without even asking him. I knew he was better than that. I don't know why I was so stupid."
"The Zoe thing right?" He asks.
"Yeah."
"It's not your fault. You were going through alot," he tells me.
"I wasn't giving my all into the relationship like I should have. I was too distant and I hurt him-"
"Like I said before, it wasn't your fault," he tells me. "Bianca you were forced out of college on your last year, missing your finals and your graduation. It heavily dented your entrepreneur dream and if that wasn't stressful enough you had to take the guilt for having two of your friends brought here without their consent while they also missed out on their education. You had to handle dealing with your sister coming back and also Hades. You had your finger chopped off while conscious, you were kidnapped, your friends passed away in such tragic and traumatic ways. And you're dealing with so many dead bodies on a daily basis."
"That's alot," I chuckle sadly.
He smiles, "you've been through alot in just a few months Bianca. It's okay if you're not okay, and I get it. I know you love him and the relationship you had, but you need to take care of yourself first. You need a moment to breathe," he tells me.
I nod, "you're right. I shouldn't feel guilty."
"And that head of yours," he says while tapping my temple. "Is sensitive because of all the PTSD you've got. That's why it's so hard for you. Everyone here's used to this, but you were a victim of these kind of circumstances as a child, so it hits hard."
"That's some smart stuff," I say.
He grins, "I know right."
I let out a sigh and close my eyes slowly. "Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if my life was normal, right from the start. I wonder what life would've been. Sometimes I think of my dad and his last moments. At those times I just wish he didn't have to die, maybe he actually could have changed and I'd finally get the love I always craved from him, but somethings are too good to be true," I say.
Tobi doesn't reply but I know he's listening. After a few moments of silence he speaks, "it's okay to cry."
My eyes open at his words and I realized I was crying. I try to wipe my tears but I have no luck since more kept pouring down.
"Here," he says, giving me a box of tissues that were on the fancy coffee table before us.
I thank him and use it to wipe the tears that fell. I felt a huge wave of relief wash over me, I don't know how he did it but I felt a lot more in control. I somehow felt a lot more sure I would be fine and that made me realize just how much I needed this. I almost feel like myself again.
After a few minutes of crying my tears had finally died down and I could speak without sobbing again.
"Thank you so much for this Tobi," I tell him. I didn't know why I did it but it felt right at the moment so hugged him.
He stiffened in shock but hugged me back quickly, "ofcourse. I'll always be here if you need a friend, okay?" He says into my hair.
"Okay," I reply with a hoarse voice as we pull away.
Right after I hear an object get slammed on a surface. Tobi and I turn back to find Asher slamming a wrapped present on another table in the room.
I noticed his angry eyes and clenched jaw as he saw us together. Shit.
"I came over to drop off your present," he says, blinking away the emotion in his eyes. "I wanted to give it to you in person but since you're busy, I'll just leave it here." He turns away and approaches the door.
Didn't he see my red eyes? We were hugging!
"Asher wait," I call.
He turns around briefly but speaks before I can. "Merry Christmas. I'll see you guys tomorrow," he says and leaves immediately.
I would have gone after him but I suddenly didn't have the strength to. I love him, but I need rest.
"Well that was akward..." Tobi trails off, his playfully aura surfacing. "I'll explain it to him, don't worry," he assured me as he gets on his feet.
"Thanks," I says with a sniff. "Also tell him I'm sorry for me."
"Sure," he nods. "By the way. What did you get me?" He asks with excitement in his voice.
I wince in realization. "Fuck," I mumble out loud with a sigh.
He frowns, "what?"
"I forgot to buy presents," I admit timidly.
He shakes his head at me, "I can't believe you."
I laugh nervously and stand. "I'm going to take a nap," I say as I walk towards the door, leaving him behind.
"Don't forget your present!" Tobi yells just as I'm about to walk out the door.
I turn to Ashers present on a table nearby and pick up the little box. "Thanks for reminding me," I tell him and leave.
With the gift in my hand I walk into my room. I don't bother opening the gift and leave it on my bedside table as I crawled on the bed to get some sleep, and for the first time in a long while I'm not afraid of any nightmares.
-
The nap didn't take as long as I hoped it would. I woke up about three hours later.
After rinsing my face I decided to go downstairs to get some food, and maybe check if Asher were around so I could talk to him.
As I made my way to the door I couldn't help but notice the untouched present Asher gave me on my bedside table. It didn't feel right to open it, especially with the what had happened yesterday.
The house was quiet as I stepped out of my room; a bit too quiet. I felt goosebumps rise on my skin and a feeling of dread filled me. I suddenly had a stronger urge to find Asher.
I walked through the empty hallways, calling his name before deciding to go into the main living room downstairs.
As I approached it I could make out the sound of hushed whispers which relieved me slightly.
Walking through the door and into the brightly light room I saw everyone circled around the center table while looking down at something.
I noticed their tense shoulders and horrified faces which made my heart beat a little faster.
No one had noticed me yet and I intended to keep it that way.
"She cants see this. It'll kill her," I heard Asher say, his voice sounded harsh and stern.
"Is she awake?" Jasmine asks. Seconds later everyone's eyes were on me.
I suddenly felt cold. Their stares were intense and held strong sympathy. I hated it. Now I was sure there's something they were hiding.
They all stood closely together as if covering something on the table.
"I'm awake," I say, killing the silence. "What's wrong?" I ask and suddenly a fowl smell reaches my nose. "And what's that smell? What are you hiding?" I ask curiously as I attempt to walk towards the table.
Asher quickly walks towards me and stops my movements. He looked at me in the eye and muttered silently, "you don't want to know, believe me."
My confused eyes searched his. I silently wondered why he seemed so unbothered by my presence after what he saw earlier. Maybe Tobi talked to him.
"Why?" I ask with a snort and look at the others behind me. "Why's everyone so serious? All our threats are over. We've won," I say cheerfully, feeling a small glimmer of joy from my words.
No one smiled tho; they all just glanced at each other. "Bianca let's go upstairs," Jasmine suggests.
"What are you guys hiding?" I ask and attempt to walk to the table but Asher stops me again. "Could you stop doing that?" I snap at him.
"Go upstairs and rest Bianca. Please," he begs.
"Then just tell me what's wrong. I don't like to be unaware," I reply.
Nobody says anything and Asher just grabs my shoulders then attempts to stir me out of the room but I don't let him.
I slap his arm off me and rush to the table before pushing everyone aside.
At first I didn't understand what I was looking at. I just saw skin, then eyes, a nose and lips. My nose scrunched in disgust at the foul smell this gave off and I took a step back.
I didn't recognize what I was looking at for a few seconds, it was like my brain didn't want to believe it, but it sunk in anyway.
The eyes, the nose, the lips, the face. It was all too familiar.
It was my sister.
Nothing but her head was placed on the table with a wooden platform below it. Her tan skin was now pale. All her hair was shaved off her head, leaving her bald. Her once bright eyes where now closed and empty.
I didn't notice when I took those steps back until my back hit a wall. My eyes were still fixed on her as I felt my legs wobble pathetically beneath me. I slid to the ground at an instant.
I couldn't believe what I saw. Who would do this to her? AndWhy would they?
I hated her for a long time, but I never wanted her dead. Her being alive always gave a chance to fix our broken bond. I never even got to understand why she left? Who would have explained it better than her?
Rhea was the last of my family; my only blood left. It didn't feel like a burden was being lifted, it felt like a thousand more had been added.
I thought I killed them all. I thought I won.
I did win didn't I? It's not my fault, right?
I didn't even notice I was mummering on the ground until I snapped out of my trance.
Asher and the others were in front of me while he tried to bring me back to reality. I stared at all of them silently, my mind felt hollow and different; almost empty.
I felt the numbest I've ever been. My eyes slowly brimmed with tears as I glanced at her head once more.
"I knew this was a bad idea," Asher muttered as he gestured for the guys to take away the head.
As I watched them take her away, I couldn't help the feeling of longing that struck me. I don't want her to leave...
"Why did he do this?" I ask Asher. It was hard to speak because I was afraid I would break down. "Why do all of you always do this?" I ask him. "First my mother. Then my father. And now...her."
Sobs found their way out of my mouth and in seconds I was crying. It felt like so much pain was being poured through my tears. Everything I had was taken from me by this family and yet I sit here in their house, sleeping in their bed, kissing the murdered of my own mother like a fool.
I'm such a fucking idiot.
It was never my fault. It never has been. All this time I had spent questioning my sanity, my existence, my choices and my past. Nothing was my fault. It was always their fault. They did this to me, they killed us all. They brought me into this state of mind.
I'm not okay.
"It's not your fault," I hear Jasmine chant from beside me.
I could only hear her words clearly, but couldn't make out anything Asher was telling me as I stared at his face blankly with tears pouring down my cheeks.
"You're right, it's not," I start, my tone was monotonous. "It's yours. It's all your fault Asher," I tell him quietly as more and more tears fell.
He went silent after hearing my words and I knew he could see it, I could feel it too. My entire world had changed, because at that moment the boy I loved so dearly and with everything I had in me, was now the one I wanted dead.
I want him to suffer.
They took it all away. I can't go back to school and I can't live the same. I have no dreams within reach anymore. No drive, no purpose.
I could die right now and no one would give a shit because that's how it's supposed to be. It was the faith of all the Rodriguez, but I don't want to die. I don't want to go to hell.
"You ruined me," I tell him, and as these words left my lips, so did every ounce of respect and love in my body. He was nothing to me.
My lips quivered and my anger slowly crawled into me. My hands felt welt and sticky until I realized I squeezed my fists so tight they drew some blood, but it didn't hurt.
"You're okay Bianca. Come back to me, come on baby," Asher whispered worriedly but I was too far gone.
I was livid.
"Asher you need to leave. I think she wants to hurt you-"
"B-Bianca?" Jasmine stammers, her voice sounded way too cautious as she interrupted Antonio.
"What?"
"Remove your hands from Asher's neck," she instructs and I realize were my bloody hands rested.
I stared at him with the worst glare I could muster and squeezed as hard as I could till I straddled him.
"Its all your fault!" I scream as he tries to detach me from him.
I feel Blake's attempts to pull me away but I stay put and squeezed harder. His chokes for air were melodic and warm to me, I loved seeing him like this. He deserved it.
"You deserve it!" I laugh out while my tears soaked my shirt. His face was changing color at this point but I didn't stop, it only pushed me to go harder. "I hate you! I hate your stupid family! I should have drowned you in that fucking lake with me!" I cry.
"Stop it! You're going to kill him!" Jasmine yells.
"G-good," I yell between tears. "I'm tired of you Dane! You're all the same!"
"Bianca stop it!" Shawn snaps as he successfully removed my arms from Asher's neck.
My frustration kicks and I struggle away from his grip forceful before Blake lifted me off the ground.
My screams and struggles where not enough because they were both too strong, and seeing Asher cough as he took in oxygen made my blood run cold.
"I want him dead!" I scream so loud it hurt my throat. I want the whole world to know how much I hate him.
Asher looked horrified at the sight of me and I loved how it felt. I want him to feel what his family did to me. I want him to feel so much pain he doesn't recognize himself anymore.
If I die trying I wouldn't mind. I have nothing left to live for.
--
They locked me up in my room.
It's been eight hours. Everyone is asleep but I can't seem to close my eyes.
I can't stand this house.
The plan was simple, leave. I don't plan on keeping ties with anyone here. I know my life was a ruin to begin with, but they somehow managed to make it even worse.
I keyed the door open silently. As I crept out of my room I contemplated shooting Asher in the head now that he's asleep, but it didn't seem as appealing. He shouldn't get a quick and easy death.
I sped out of the front door quietly and went wherever my legs could take me, because there was nothing left for me there.
Asher only damages me any time he's around, and as messed up as I am I know better than to remain in the house of a monster.
I'm never coming back.
-
Don't kill me...
I know it's been awhile but I'm back and that's all that matters😅
I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Leave a vote and comment if you did!
Stay safe💛
Elizi❤️