Warning: This chapter contains sex that is very rough and emotionally charged. Read at your own discretion.
Just as Draco had promised, there was no trail of evidence to connect Ron's poisoning back to us. I oversaw Ron's recovery, and eventually things went back to normal. Or at least, things were normal for everyone but Draco.
Today was Saturday, March 22nd. That gave Draco three months- fifteen weeks, roughly one hundred and five days, to fix the Vanishing Cabinet and assassinate Dumbledore with the killing curse. It seemed like it was plenty of time. But to him, it was like a ticking time bomb, always looming over his head. Sometimes I thought I could see Draco physically drooping from the weight of his stress, but he never spoke about it. I had stolen a few Draughts of Living Death from the Medical Wing to help Draco sleep, but I couldn't keep up with how fast Draco was burning through them without risking Madam Pomfrey noticing a dent in her potions supply.
Draco had thrown himself into his work on the Vanishing Cabinet, which was as unrewarding as ever. I couldn't tell what made him angrier; making no progress, or making progress. I could see how he tensed with anxiety after he successfully made an apple disappear and reappear in the Cabinet- but he appeared to relax, seeming almost relieved, when a live beetle came back dead. One of these days he was going to fix the Cabinet and set the final plan into motion. When that day came, Death Eaters would come into the castle and help Draco confront Dumbledore so Draco could take him out with the killing curse.
I had learned not to bring the killing curse up around Draco anymore. My role was to support Draco, heal him when necessary, and not make him second-guess his capability to perform one of the most difficult curses in the entire wizarding world. But even though I couldn't voice my concerns or do anything that qualified as "getting in the way", I still didn't want him to do it.
I wished that I had someone I could talk to. I used to be able to tell my mother everything, but I couldn't ever tell her this. And my roommates still weren't speaking to me. Even though I had Draco to hold me and tell me everything would be alright, it was incredibly sad how alone I felt.
I turned off the shower. The water had turned cold.
I always overthought things in the shower.
I stepped out and tried to shake the thoughts from my head, focusing on brainstorming more remedies for Draco's anxiety. I was the only person in the women's loo that morning, and as I stood in my knickers and bra by the mirror above the sinks, I noticed that I had gotten thinner.
Maybe I should brainstorm anxiety remedies for myself, too.
The sound of the door to the restroom opening made me jump. Yeah, I think I definitely need something for my anxiety. I assumed most girls who used this restroom were in Hogsmeade for the weekend; but someone must have returned early. I knelt down to pick up my sweater.
When I stood up, I saw Draco in the mirror standing right behind me.
"Bloody hell," I cursed, placing a hand on my chest. "What are you doing in here, Draco?"
Draco looked unusually rugged. He was wearing a loose white collared shirt that was unbuttoned at the top, like he had just thrown it on. His hair hadn't been combed, and was still damp. Draco wrapped his arms around me, pressing into my back, placing a wet kiss on my bare neck. My heart thumped.
"I wanted to see you," he said in a gravelly voice. His hands roamed across my bare midsection. "It seems I came a bit too late. You already have clothes on."
His hand pawed at my chest, making me weak. "Strange how this isn't the first time I've encountered you in the women's restroom," I said breathily. We were in front of the mirror; so I had to watch myself be touched by him. I was going to tell him to leave, but I had to admit- it was extremely hot to watch his large hands run across my ribs, floating down to the outside of my knickers. He was touching me with a kind of strange urgency, and the fact that we were in the women's restroom made me nervously exhilarated.
"M-my roommates went off to Hogsmeade," I managed to say, distracted by the way he slipped his hand underneath my bra to get to my chest. "B-but they may return early-"
"So?" Draco teased my chest, making me sigh. I could see my euphoric facial expressions in the mirror. I looked like something straight out of an X-rated film.
"You really shouldn't..." I trembled as he pressed into my panties, "-we shouldn't do this here."
Draco didn't respond. He held me firmly in his hands, preventing me from getting free. He kissed my neck again, and pressed his groin into my backside. My hips met the cold edge of the sink. I couldn't believe it- he was already hard, and pressing eagerly against my ass. It was like he was possessed; he had one thing in mind, and he was going to do anything to get it.
I tried to insist we stop, but my voice was getting weaker by the second. "Please- anyone could walk in..."
Draco played with me under my panties, making my breath hitch. My hand went up to his head, lacing into his soft hair as he pressed himself against me rhythmically. I couldn't decide if I should be angry at him, or turned on.
"No one's going to walk in," Draco whispered into my ear. "I placed a ward on the door."
His hand came around between us, and I heard the sound of pants unzipping. Before I could object, he was moving my panties to the side.
"Draco-" I managed to say, "The- the contraceptive charm-"
"I've taken care of it," he said in a gravelly whisper. I could feel him behind me, at my entrance.
He must have done it on himself- he knew he was going to take me in the women's restroom- my god, what is happening-
"Draco-" I began to speak, but had to stop to brace myself against the sink as he thrust into me roughly. He was so hard- and I was barely prepared for him. The sensation of him suddenly filling me made me cry out.
"Fuck," he groaned into my ear, moving out of me just to thrust in again. My fingers clutched the sides of the sink, my mouth open in an erotically shocked position. He continued thrusting into me in the middle of the empty women's restroom.
He bucked his hips against me, and my hip bones bit against the hard porcelain sink. I watched myself be taken from behind by Draco in the mirror, my body moving lewdly in accordance with every thrust. I couldn't contain my gasps of pleasure as he forced himself into me again and again- and I couldn't believe I actually looked like I was enjoying being fucked over a sink in the women's restroom- I was actually enjoying it-
Draco's hand tightened around my throat, and I experienced the newfound sensation of having my airway constricted. It was scary, not being able to breathe- but Draco was panting so heavily into my hair, and his other hand was sliding so lovingly across my stomach, I could tell it wasn't a malicious choke. It was like he was constricting me with how much he loved me- and I was falling for it, my god, I was tightening around him, even while he was fucking me like a whore in the bathroom, my head feeling dangerously lighter, and lighter- I wanted to tell him to stop, that it was too much, but I couldn't manage to make a single sound.
His grip around my neck tightened as his thrusts grew rougher, and I got the fearful feeling inside me that something about Draco was off. He had come to the women's loo looking unusually unhinged, already prepped with the contraceptive charm, and he was taking me forcefully over a sink while his right hand was wrapped around my neck. It was a total 180 from the slow, tender lovemaking I had become accustomed to with him. This was frenzied, hard, almost desperate-
I thought we might break the sink with how much of my weight I was putting onto it before Draco's grip around my throat constricted for the last time, and his thrusting slowed. He breathed slowly and evenly as he came down from what seemed like a very powerful climax.
He removed his hand from my throat and I coughed, finally feeling myself breathe easier again. I stood panting over the sink for a minute, my knuckles as white as the porcelain sink. The only sounds in the quiet bathroom were the faucet dripping, and the sound of me panting as I caught my breath.
I heard Draco speak behind me. "I'm sorry. I may have been too rough."
I turned around to face him. "What the fuck-" I choked on my words, and my eyes began to well with horrible tears that I didn't want. "What the fuck was that?"
"I'm sorry," he whispered, his eyes darting about, "I-I've been very stressed, and I just needed you-"
"So you decided to come in here and treat me like an object?" My voice wavered, but I refused to back down. "Is that what I am to you?"
Draco looked incredibly hurt by my words. "Erica," his voice was raw and pleading. He pressed a hand to his face. "This task... it's driving me insane. All I do is worry about it. I wake up and immediately start thinking about the killing curse- and if I sleep, I dream that I'm attempting to use it, but it doesn't work..." His voice trailed off, and I noticed his hand was shaking. "I just- I just needed to see you. I needed to do something to get my mind off of it."
I wanted to be mad at him. But it was difficult when the person that I loved was stripped down to the vulnerable, distressed young man standing before me. Draco had turned into someone who was teetering on the edge of sanity.
"I don't like what's happening to you, Draco," I clutched my arms over my trembling chest. "This task is making you turn into this... into this agitated, destructive person. And I refuse to let you take it out on me."
"I never meant to take it out on you," Draco said fervently, his voice rising. "You're the only thing I give a damn about in this world. You're the only thing that keeps me from absolutely shattering sometimes- and I- I can't lose you-"
My heart tugged when I saw Draco on the edge of tears.
"You aren't going to lose me, Draco," I said firmly. "I love you. And I love you enough to know that this task isn't good for your health." I paused, really seeing for the first time how his skin had paled, and his cheeks had hollowed. My throat swelled. "You're suffering. Can't you see it?"
Draco continued breathing unevenly, running his hands across his eyes and chin, like he was trying to make sure he was still all there. I bit my lower lip.
"I don't want you to do it," I said finally. "I don't want you to kill Dumbledore. Let Snape do it in your stead. I don't care if it'll disappoint the Dark Lord- it's eating away at you, Draco, and I refuse to let you turn into a shell of a person because of something as subjective as honor and glory."
"It's not just about honor and glory," Draco snapped, his pupils trembling under upturned brows, "It's about what the Dark Lord will do if I fail. He's- he's going to take away everything that I love." His breath hitched, and I saw tears collect in his lower lash line. He looked at me with desperation, like he really didn't want to have to say this to me, but I gave him no choice.
"The Dark Lord will kill my family if I don't assassinate Dumbledore," he choked on the words, sounding hollow and haunted. "And he wanted to kill you, too."
Fear shocked my heart like a thunderbolt.
"You... you didn't tell me that," I croaked.
"I couldn't tell you, you would have left," Draco cried. "You would have gone to America, and I wouldn't have ever seen you again. You're the reason I'm doing this, Erica. I have to kill Dumbledore so we can be together."
It was as if someone had banged a very loud, dissonant piano chord in my head. I can't believe I didn't see it before.
I was Draco's weakness.
"Oh, God," was all I could say as my body lurched, feeling like I might be sick. It wouldn't be my Squib blood that would be the reason for my demise, after all, but love. This grim revelation was so cruel, so unfair- I wheeled around and gripped the corners of the sink again to keep myself from falling to the floor. My breath was competing in a race with my heartbeat, seeing which could be faster. A pitiful, animalistic sound left my lips as my eyes constricted to squeeze out tears.
Draco rushed to me, his arms wrapping around my midsection- but I was like a ragdoll in his arms.
"Erica, listen to me," Draco hissed, his face hovering above my despondent expression. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you. I'm going to perform the curse, and- and if anything goes wrong, I'm going to sacrifice myself instead."
No. No! "This- this is wrong. This is all wrong," I cried weakly. "I'm not worth all of this. You can't trade your life for mine-"
"If everything goes according to plan, I won't have to," Draco insisted, his eyes wild. "Please believe in me, Erica. I can do it. I want it to be you and me at the end of all this. I'm willing to do anything to make that happen."
I believed Draco when he said he was willing to do anything. He was willing to curse Katie Bell; he was willing to poison Ron Weasley; he was willing to let himself die if it meant I would live. I hated him for not telling me sooner. He was right- if I had known, I would have left. But I couldn't possibly leave now; it would crush him.
I sobbed into Draco's chest, my shoulders heaving with heavy sobs. I had never cried like this before. I was like a vulnerable child, sputtering and whimpering in my knickers while Draco tried to keep me from falling to the tile.
Draco was willing to do everything for me- but what was I willing to do for him? I refused to sit and cry and wait for death to come. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I knew I didn't do everything in my power to help Draco.
I shuddered, realizing what I had to do.
I would have to find a way to remove his Dark Mark.