this is a long chapter so buckle up, get comfy and please vote and comment!
TW: substance abuse, family abuse, drug problems, vomiting.
Harry awoke from his sleep from a brutal thud on his pelvis, followed by the sound of projectile vomiting and he instantly opened his eyes and saw Katya with her head deep into the toilet bowl.
He groaned lightly as he held onto his crushed groin, the pain resulting from Katya quickly jumping out of the bed, climbing over Harry's body and running to make it to the toilet in expert time.
The sound of vomiting in the silent apartment was horrific and as Katya struggled to keep her eyes open, struggling to breathe and hold onto the toilet bowl she felt a gentle hand on her back and instantly felt comforted.
Harry held her hair back, despite how short it already was, as she continued to vomit with tears streaming down her face but the rubbing hand on her back could've healed her from anything.
After a few minutes she managed to catch her breath and Harry handed her a glass of water that he had quickly poured with a soft smile, despite her slight embarrassment over the entire situation.
"Are you nearly finished-"
Harry's question was interrupted by the sound of Katya vomiting again and even though in another situation that would've been inherently comical he just felt so incredibly sad for Katya, continuously rubbing her back again until she was finally finished.
She slunk onto her ass and looked up at him sadly, mascara residue streaming down her face and her eyes so red and puffy that she looked like a completely broken person.
"As much as I don't endorse what happened last night I feel like right now is not a good time to lecture," Harry started, his voice softer than what she had expected.
"No, it's the perfect time to tell me that I'm killing myself because maybe if I hear it from you I'll actually listen."
Her words rang through the silent apartment, replaying continuously in Harry's mind as her words had clarified that she genuinely recognised her flaws and cared about his approval.
It was also weird to hear her voice sound full again after he had seen her so lifeless and weak merely hours before.
"I'm not good with being vulnerable," Katya whispered, desperately trying to read Harry's expression and feeling tremendous guilt for the dark circles under his eyes that were due to her actions.
Harry shook his head and pointed at her endless drawings and paintings that clearly conveyed her vulnerability and she managed to smile, knowing that he had correctly faulted her.
"I'm not good with being vulnerable through my words," Katya corrected softly, roughly wiping her mouth and Harry nodded, focused on watching her movements that just seemed so overly animated even though he knew that they weren't and that he was just visualising her contrasting lifeless body that had scarred his mind.
Watching someone you love destroy themselves was something that Harry had never even considered but now he was living that reality and it was slowly progressing into his greatest fear.
Katya looked like she wanted to speak but Harry offered her a reassuring nod that said 'we will talk later' and he quickly walked to the small cabinet and began to make tea and toast.
It all felt so strangely domestic and Katya was surprised that she didn't feel stifled or want to get up and run.
She felt weirdly content even though she knew that she would have to talk openly with Harry and that in a matter of hours Louis would be banging down her door to shout at her.
She couldn't blame him though.
She stood up on shaky legs and brushed her teeth, not even capable of looking at her reflection in the tiny mirror as she knew that she looked like she had been dug up.
When she walked away from the toilet to see Harry sitting by the large window with a plate of toast in his hand her heart skipped a beat and she immediately wanted to paint that very image, her eyes scanning for every detail so that she could recall the moment later and paint accurately.
She truly knew though that she could never forget his face even if she tried.
She took a seat beside him by the window, her feet neatly tucked under her as she offered Harry a grateful smile when he handed her a slice of toast and a mug of warm tea.
He had chosen her favourite mug, the green one with the chipped paint and the wonky handle.
It was silent but any awkwardness had been lifted by her projectile vomiting into the toilet bowl and so now they were both in a sleepy lull.
"You are a fine toast maker."
Harry chuckled, sipping on his tea as he stared out of the large window and looked down on the people preparing to start their mornings in the big city.
"I think the word you are looking for is chef." He smirked, the morning sunlight emphasising the golden specks in his green eyes.
"I always saw you as more of a baker." This resulted in a laugh and a lift of his mug of tea in a cheers motion.
It was only then that Katya had realised that Harry was wearing her purple fleece hoodie that was massively oversized on her however it was sitting on Harry's torso like a crop top.
She looked down at herself and felt her bottom lip start to wobble when she realised that Harry had changed her into her favourite pyjamas.
The guilt was an indescribable level of pain.
"I don't even know where to begin, it's a long story."
"I've got time," Harry smiled, his hand resting on her knee in support.
"What happened last night used to happen all the time," Katya started and Harry found himself holding his breath, observing her every movement even though he could feel her apprehension.
"That makes me sad," Harry admitted and she nodded in agreement, his hand still rested on her knee.
"Everyone has problems, everyone has anxieties and issues and stresses that are valid but life was especially hard for me about two years ago-"
Katya stopped and collected herself before continuing.
"Maura and the entire Horan family are incredible, they are my family but I knew I had to move out as soon as I turned sixteen because there was just not enough room for everyone in the family to live in that tiny apartment above their Irish bar. It wasn't fair to them to house someone extra and so I moved out and had to get two jobs and leave school," Katya explained with Harry listening more attentively than he had ever before, his eyebrows furrowed in deep concentration.
"I can't even imagine," Harry whispered and supportively squeezed her knee.
"I was getting kicked out of so many places for being short of rent, going days without eating and pretending that I was fine to everyone because-"
"Because you didn't want to worry anyone," Harry finished her sentence softly, resulting in a nod.
"I was on the verge of becoming homeless until one day I met a man called James St James who took me in and introduced me to ballroom culture."
Harry couldn't deny how intrigued he was, repeating her foreign words of 'ballroom culture.'
"They fed me, gave me some clothes and just looked after me. I remember one of them even gave me a hug. They explained what the ballroom was and I had an overwhelming sensation of hope in that moment as I knew that I had found my home." Katya explained, her mouth slightly lifting up at the corners to produce a shy smile.
"Well what is ballroom?" Harry asked quickly, chuckling slightly at how intrigued he was.
"Ball culture is an underground subculture that consists of various categories, lipsynching, dancing and just expressing the tenacity of the human spirit. The underground LGBTQ+ community hold these illegal balls in defiance of the constrictive laws that prevent people from wearing clothes assigned to the opposite gender," Katya explained and Harry's eyes were widened with awe.
The way Katya explained this sounded like magic to Harry, every detail of colour and light was captured and retold by her, suggesting to Harry that her spirit was fully intertwined with these balls and the people who performed in them.
"Do you walk in these balls?" Harry asked excitedly but Katya chuckled and shook her head.
"No, but I dance, so does Niall sometimes," Katya admitted with a shy smile but Harry was ecstatic.
"Where do you think Madonna learnt how to Vogue?" Katya teased, throwing her head back at Harry's shocked expression as he put two and two together.
He remembered how Katya had been voguing in the street with Niall the first time he had met her.
"The balls were made to provide hope and momentary relief from the hardships that black people, Latino people, transgender people, drag queens, LGBTQ+ people were and still are experiencing and yet here I was! A little, skinny white girl who is not, well not fully, part of the LGBTQ+ community and yet they still took me in and treated me as family. Like them I was misunderstood by society in my own way and I think that they saw my spirit shining through my pain and felt connected to me," Katya explained softly, her eyes tearing up until Harry offered her another reassuring smile.
"They hired me as the photographer of the ballroom and they are my favourite people to photograph, I swear I can see their entire souls beaming through the lense." Harry was clutching his mug of tea so fiercely, aware that he too was becoming emotional.
Katya's heart was on full display, ready for him to carefully dissect and as he observed each hidden piece he was only becoming more and more entranced by her.
He cared about every single piece of her soul, the beautiful and the ugly.
"Unfortunately though, addiction and nightlife is a huge part of the scene as those oppressed people desperately seek escapism that isn't as momentary as the ballroom. I got too wrapped up in it-"
Katya quickly dried a fallen tear and Harry found himself immediately tucking a strand of her hair that had fallen across her face behind her ear.
It was such a chaste and gentle gesture but they found themselves in silence for a few seconds.
"There are people known as Club Kids. You basically go to many nightclubs, party all night, vogue and make a name for yourself in order to gain some type of recognition. The man who introduced me to ballroom is one of the most famous Club Kids, James St James and so naturally I started attending every nightclub I could possibly go to and started to become a prominent Club Kid. Niall started djing and soon enough he was a Club Kid too, alongside Louis. I became totally addicted to the high of being known, I mean you go from being a worthless piece of shit on the sidewalk to now being given endless amounts of free alcohol, drugs, fame it was absolutely incredible. But I was turning into a completely different person, a terrible person and I know enough drug addicts to know that you are putting one foot in the grave every single time you take one. Louis saved me from myself, he made me live with him for a while and he, he got...he got me sober."
"That's how everyone knew you at that party," Harry whispered, almost to himself as he pieced everything together.
"I hadn't taken anything in 2 years, I promise, I promise Haz, I hadn't...until, until last night," Katya cries, now unable to contain her emotions and before she knew it Harry pulled her into a hug.
He held her as she desperately cried into his arms, letting everything that she had been holding in out into the universe and in doing so intertwining a piece of her heart in Harry's soul.
"You're okay, I've got ya, you're okay," Harry whispered gently into her ear, gently rubbing her head.
"I'm scared I'm going to end up like her."
Katya cried even harder at her revelation as Harry desperately tried to piece her words together.
"Her?" Harry questioned softly.
"My mom," Katya cried, briefly looking up at Harry's sympathetic eyes that were drowning in Katya's words.
Katya had never opened up to anyone this much before, not even Niall or Louis or Danny.
"You don't have to tell me anything you aren't comfortable with," Harry started but Katya shook her head and allowed Harry to wipe a tear off of her cheek.
"My mom is a drug addict, my step dad is an alcoholic, my life is a fucking mess," Katya explained, drying her wet eyes with her hand.
"You would think that growing up with them that I would be repulsed by drug and alcohol abuse, that I would've never wanted my life to pan out the way theirs had, that I would be smart enough to fucking see the first hand consequences of their actions and yet here I am! A major fuck up-"
"You're not a major fuck up," Harry interrupted softly but sternly, his words true and authentic.
"Statistically, children of addicts also turn out to be addicts and the thought of becoming like her terrifies me," Katya admitted, her voice breaking with emotion as she allowed herself to be held and cradled by Harry.
"Katya, you can't let statistics rule your life! You make your own life choices, not some computer! You will never be like your mother, not a chance in hell would I let that happen!" Harry explained with such conviction that Katya was inspired by his words.
She trusted him so much, looking at him as if he had hung the moon and the stars in the sky.
"Don't hold yourself back by your inner demons. They only have power if you give them power. You doubt yourself before you even give yourself a chance! You are not responsible for your mother's life choices, you're too special of a person to be destroyed by yourself." Harry spoke earnestly, his lips soft and tugged into a reassuring smile that completely entranced Katya.
His words were the most beautiful words that she had ever heard and she wished that she could replay them continuously until the end of time.
She had so much to say but her words would never compare to his and so they just stared at each other, seeking comfort in one another in different but necessary ways.
Harry was magnetic in ways that Katya could never be and yet he melted like candle wax into her palm every time he laid eyes upon her.
They were so close, folded into one another's embrace and for a second an outsider might have assumed that something magical would occur but Harry quickly grounded himself, careful not to take advantage of Katya when she was being vulnerable with him.
She didn't need to pursued by him, especially when she had a boyfriend even if he was a complete asshole.
"Did you meet Danny at that time?"
Katya's eyes became clouded at the mention of his name, jolting slightly as she nodded at Harry.
"Like I said, things were dark. I can barely remember anything from that time."
Harry didn't want to overstep the line but Katya was looking at him as if she wanted him to say what she needed him to say.
"He was your drug supplier wasn't he?" Harry's words were gentle but firm, a rare talent that he possessed.
"His friends were. Danny was just as addicted as I was."
Harry knew that if he was ever going to get a point across to Katya it would be now when she was opening up to him, attentively listening and not trying to avoid the truth.
Harry was a candle burning bright in Katya's life and for once she was desperately trying to preserve the flame.
"You're smart Katya, much smarter than people think. You know the relationship is bad, I know you do."
Katya didn't say anything but Harry knew she was listening and silently agreeing.
"Your defence mechanism is telling you to say 'all relationships are bad' but I know that you don't really believe that," Harry continued, slightly spooking Katya who was realising that Harry truly could read her like an open book no matter how much she tried to hide.
"Do you think that you deem this relationship as 'normal' because it resembles the family situation that you grew up with?" Harry posed the question gently but noticed how Katya's eyes widened, her eyebrows raising at the uncomfortable question that undoubtedly held some truth.
"If that's true, I need you to know that you don't owe your mother a life of entrapment. You don't need to punish yourself for leaving by recreating the life you escaped. Subconsciously or not, I know that you recognise the toxicity of your relationship so stop categorising yourself in the box your family placed themselves in, you have goals and dreams and ambition and buckets of talent! No one was abusing you anymore once you left and so I think you felt the need to punish yourself by surrounding yourself with abuse again. I don't want that for you Kat, I want so much more for you and I know deep down that you do to."
His words cut through Katya like a knife, the truth of his words seeping through her veins until she felt tears flooding down her cheeks again.
It was as if Harry had turned a bright light on her life, showcasing the hidden sides of her soul that were forcefully plunged into darkness by Katya herself.
It was as if he had slapped her in the face but suddenly everything in her life was brighter, as if he had turned the colour on again.
Everything he said was true.
Nobody had ever been able to read her that accurately, not even her own mother.
"I'm sorry, I-"
Harry's hesitant words were interrupted by Katya throwing herself into his arms again, holding onto him tight as if she was scared that he would disappear.
"You are an earth angel," she whispered in his ear, gratitude seeping through her words and he breathed a sigh of relief, clinging onto her body that felt less tense than usual.
"You are my only angel," Harry found himself replying, the words escaping his mouth before his mind had even registered them.
A blush found Katya's tear stained cheeks but when they pulled out of the hug, looking at each other again Harry was caustiously analysing her.
"You don't still have a drug problem do you? Will last night happen again Kat because, because you almost died and I don't know what I would have done if-"
Katya adamantly shook her head, her hand intertwined with Harry's in reassurance.
"No, last night was a mistake. I-I know I don't have a problem because I'm not craving the pain it brought, I didn't enjoy the numbness and I don't want it to happen again. I won't let it happen again," Katya affirmed to not only Harry but herself, the colour in her life acting as a comfort and a reassurance that her life was getting better.
All because of a curly haired, English boy who had saved her life.
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Sorry for the long chapter!
I hope you enjoyed it!
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All the love,
Gigi xxx