Hero's POV
I'm standing outside, watching her walk away. But before she's not visible, she shouts over her shoulder,
"I hope you have a wonderful night with the tramp you were flirting with." She walks away from me and I call her name multiple times but she still doesn't turn around. I fall down to my knees and I sit there for a minute and I feel tears start to stream down my face. It hurts all over now, everywhere.
I'm just sitting there on my knees looking up at the sky, tears still running down my cheeks. I wipe my tears away and I stand up, walking back into the house, pushing everyone out of my way. I make my way to the kitchen and I pull a beer from the fridge and I chug it, all of it. Then I grab a bottle of whiskey that was in someone's hand and I take a big drink out of it.
I'm sitting on the couch still drinking, and Elle has been trying to get her way with me all night. I take another swig out of the bottle, and Elle has now latched herself onto me, kissing me. I'm trying to push her off but I'm so drunk and I don't have the strength, physically or emotionally. So I just give in and kiss her back.
I wake up the next morning in someone's bed. I look over at who is next to me. Damn-it, it's Elle. I don't even remember what happened last night. I remember the fight with Jo, and crying, and then drinking myself to the point of exhaustion.
I start to regret what happened last night, everything about last night. I still find the strength to pull myself out of the bed, and put my clothes on. I walk downstairs and ask Felix for some pain meds and he gives me two, so I take them and start to walk to my hotel.
I'm about half way to the hotel and I see someone sitting on a bench by the beach. It looks a lot like Jo, it could just be the hangover playing tricks on me. But when I get closer, I see it is actually Jo.
"Jo?" I ask and she doesn't say anything, she just keeps looking forward at the water. "Jo?" I say again, a little louder this time and she looks up at me. She looks so tired and sad.
"What do you want Hero?" She asks looking back out at the water. I ignore her question completely and ask,
"Have you been out here all night?" Walking in front of her to get a better look at her face. But she just stares right through me, after a few seconds, she finally looks up at me.
"Yes, I've been out here all night. Now can you leave me alone?" She asks and stares through me again.
"Why were you out all night Jo? You look exhausted." I say and grab her chin to look up at me but she flinches away from my touch and stands up, backing away from me.
"Don't you dare touch me!" She exclaims and I take a step back. I've never seen her like this before. She looks mad, and I can feel the heat radiationg from her body. I made her like this, this is my fault.
"Jo, I'm so sorry. I was drunk last night and didn't mean anything that I said or did." I say trying to explain to her but she isn't having it. I think what I said made her more angry because her face is getting more red by the second. I'm starting to get kind of scared, I have neverm ever, seen her this mad before.
"You're sorry!" She spits out and I take another step back.
"You are sorry for what? For breaking my heart over and over again? Or are you sorry for playing with my feelings? Maybe your sorry for sleeping with some random chick." She yells at me, walking forward, causing me to walk backwards away from her. She doesn't stop yelling though.
"Or maybe for almost making me drown myself, that must be the time you were talking about!" She yells and I stop dead in my tracks, making her run into me. Tears start to swell up in my eyes and I can't seem to find any words. After a few seconds, I finally find my voice.
"What?" I choke out, almost letting my tears go but I fight to keep them in. She almost drowned. Did she try to kill herself after I broke her heart?
"You... you t-tried to kill yourself?" I ask, again almost letting my tears slip from my eyes.
"What? Suprised?" She asks. "You shouldn't be!" She yells at me. And looks away at the ocean
"I... tell me. T-tell me what happened." I say and I grab her chin making her look at me. She doesn't pull away this time which is good but she does pull away after a few seconds.
"It was after our dinner. You told me you had a girlfriend and I walked home that night. I was half asleep when you came to my room. You barged in and yelled at me, making me feel worse than I already did." She says and I almost break down.
"I told you to leave and you tried to fight but I didn't have it. You left and I cried in front of the door all night." She pauses momentarily, and looks away from me.
"That next morning, I decided that a bath might help so I got into the bathtub and started crying again. So many different thoughts were coming into my head and I just wanted some peace and quiet." She says and a tear roles down my cheek. She looks up at me and I see tears in her eyes too. I stare in her eyes for a little bit until she looks away and continues.
"I slipped under the water and after a few minutes, everything was silent. My mind finally had peace, and so did my body. Everything went black, and I had a dream." She says and I look at her, tears still coming from my eyes.
"What was the dream?" I asks, and she looks at me.
"I-I had a dream that... no. No I'm not gonna tell you." She said and shakes her head no
"Anna found me and saved me. She did chest compressions on me and I survived. Another minute later and I would've been dead." She says and everything starts to peice togerher.
"So that's why she called so many tiems." I mumble under my breath but she heard me.
"What?" She asks.
"When was this?" I ask, and she looks at me confused.
"A couple weeks ago. Why?" She says.
"Anna called me about twenty times two weeks ago. I ignored all of them, if I had answered them... I could've known." I say and I hang my head down low.
"No, no, no. Don't you dare do that. I did it because I wanted peace and quiet. You didn't make me do it, so stop talking about what if's. Do you understand?" She asks and I start crying a little harder. I nod my head yes. What she is saying is making me fall in love with her more and more. I-
Oh no, I slept with Elle last night. She's never going to forgive me for that. I hate myself so much. I start crying more and more
"Why are you crying?" She asks and lifts my head up by my chin, like I do her, so that I can look at her.
"I-I... I slept with Elle last night." I say and she looks at me in the eyes, disgust growing on her beautiful face.
"After you left, I got so drunk and I didn't know what I was doing." I say, trying to reason with her but she stands up and starts pacing in front of me.
"She started kissing me and I tried pushing her off of me but I just didn't have the strength. Physically or emotionally, I didn't want to. If I had any sense when I was drunk, I would've fought harder. I promise you, there is only one person in this world, that I wouldn't reject anymore." I say, standing up to get in front of her but she just goes aroundme.
"And who is that huh? It must be her because you didn't reject her." She says getting angry again. I step in front of her and she stops. God she's beautiful, even when she's angry. I really want to kiss her but I can't.
"No, it isn't her." I say and look ino her eyes.
"Then who is it? Spit it out you babbling idiot!" She yells.
"YOU! IT'S YOU!" I yell. "IT'S BEEN YOU ALL ALONG! IT'LL ALWAYS BE YOU!" I yell and she looks stunned. Like she's seen a ghost.
"I don't believe you. I can't trust you. I mean, how could I-" She starts but I cut her off by pressing my lips against hers. She fights it at first but I'm just to strong so she just stops fighting. the only thing is, she isn't kissing me back.
"Kiss me back." I say, and she just shakes her head no.
"Kiss me." I say again, this time more forcefully. This time she actually listens, and kisses me back. I sigh in relief and I loosen my grip. She pushes me a little, breaking the kiss.
"Do you believe me now?" I ask and she just looks at me.
"No, I can't." She says. I think she says it more to herself than to me, and I hang my head again. She turns around and walks away after that. I feel warm tears run down my face, and I break down again.
I sit where she was previously sitting, and I cry, and look at the beach, and cry somemore. Then it stops, I stop crying. I take advantage and make my way back to my lonely hotel room where I wish she was.
****
It's been a few weeks since I kissed Jo. It felt so good and so right, like it was meant to be, meant to happen. Two days after I kissed her, I purchased a plane ticket with Felix so that I didn't have to go back to London alone. The flight was so lonely, I felt so out of place and ordinary.
Now I get it. When Jo and I went to dinner, she said that we would be extrodinary together rather than ordinary apart. And I do, I feel so ordinary without her here with me. I felt extrodinary when I was kissing her, it felt so good, so right. And now, without her lips against mine, without her I feel so ordinary, and random. Like I don't belong in this world without her right next to me.
We landed and I immediatly went home. I layed in bed for what felt like hours, and hours. Not moving at all, not using the bathroom, not getting anything to eat or drink. I just layed there and looked at the ceiling. I didn't even bother to blink.
I felt dead, the only reason I knew that I was alive is whenever I would breath, it hurt so much. I never thought that there was this kind of pain in this world. It's barely bearable, it isn't bearable. It hurts so much, each time I took a breath. I even tried to hold my breath so that I didn't have to feel it, but that only hurt me worse.
Even today, it hurts so bad that I just want to die. I've been going to parties now. Last week was when I started going, I moved out of my bed and took a shower. My phone buzzed and it was Felix, he had invited me to another party. I went to that party, and drank until I couldn't see straight. I woke up every morning until then with a killer hangover.
I'm going to a party tonight too, Felix just texted and said that it starts at 8:00. It's 7:45 now so I'm gonna take a quick shower and then be on my way. I make my way to the shower, and make it quick. When I get out, I put on Nike pants, a white shirt and slides. I lock the door and walk out to my car.
I arrive at the party and immediatly grab a beer from Felix' fridge. I chug it, and get another, this time drinking it slow. I'm there for an hour and I've drank 3 beers already, and have taken about 5 shots. I stay for about 2 more hours and decide to walk home. I'll leave my car here for the night and I can get it tomorrow when I come back.
I walk out of the door and start to cross the street, I look to the left and see two headlights coming toward me and I hear a car honking at me before everything goes black.