His hot breath fanned across your face, sending you into a frenzy like state you had never known before. Heavy breathing, mostly on your part as he placed excruciatingly slow kisses across your jaw. You needed him. More than you'd ever needed anything in your life. It made you sick.
"Are you afraid?" He asked in a low seductive voice. Swiftly he wrapped his metal fingers around your throat, applying enough pressure to make you gasp. You clawed at his chest, drunk on his murderous touch. You wanted him to make you hurt as bad as your heart did. You couldn't possibly hate a person more than you hated yourself right now.
"Answer my question." He shouted, sending a ripple of ecstasy through your body.
"No. I could never," You gasped, choking as the walls of your throat began to collapse.
"Liar." He sneered.
You let out an involuntary moan.
"You good, Y/n?" Sam asked, sitting next to you on the couch as he, Nat, Wanda and Shuri all ate breakfast around the kitchen island. Your hand was lightly wrapped around your neck where Bucky's was just a moment ago.
"Yeah, fine." You squeeked.
But you weren't. You hadn't been since that morning in the hallway with Bucky. You could still feel the sting he had left behind from his touch. What was wrong with you? You couldn't even begin to unpack that question. Psychiatric help would be a start, though.
After your memory had returned, the nightmares seemed to subside, only to be replaced with the image of Bucky, devoid of all emotion, seething in rage at your quips. By the third night, you would have gladly have traded, knowing that this was so much worse.
You couldn't keep excusing your vile thoughts as his fault. They weren't, not entirely. You were the one waking up a needy mess every morning.
"Hey." Bucky's husky voice filled your senses causing you to stiffen at the sound. The team around you said their hello's while you tried to refrain from gawking. You had done your very best to avoid him as much as you could, but there were only so many places to hide. Whenever you bumped into each other he would keep his head down and you would run in either direction.
"Steve's on his way back today. He left to meet Vision and gather intel on an active Hydra base located somewhere on the border of Germany." Wanda's eyes lit up at the mention of the name. This must be the famous Android she's always gushing about.
"Pack up... We ship out first thing tomorrow morning." Bucky declared, peaking your interest. It had been way too long since you had been back in the field, this was amazing. You could feel the excitement bubbling out of your chest vanish when Bucky's eyes glanced at you.
"Y/n, you can uh, keep Shuri company while we're away." You blinked at him, unsure if you had heard him correctly.
"No fucking way." You scoffed. You were not missing out on this opportunity to give Hydra a taste of their own 'serum', so to speak.
'Captain's orders." He deadpanned, averting his gaze to the ceiling. You stared at him, lost for words with needy eyes. He'd never tell you, but it terrified him when you looked like that. Small, fragile, though he knew better. He would kill himself before he tainted you. But that didn't make the idea any less intriguing.
"And since when do you listen to Captain's orders?" Nat spoke up before you even got the chance. You nodded violently, looking back to Bucky who only sighed.
"You know very well why she can't go." He muttered, fighting tooth and nail not to look at you again. You could sense his uncomfortability but you couldn't look away.
"She's not going, then I'm not going." Wanda sulked.
"Me too." Sam mocked her tone. "Seriously, Buck. She's a tank, we could use her." He finished, more serious this time.
Bucky huffed, pinching the bridge of his nose between his flesh fingers. "You gotta take that up with Steve. He and I aren't really on the best of terms right now." He spoke, annoyance dripping from the last sentence.
"Easy, I'll take care of it." Nat said to Bucky, but she sent a wink at you.
You were so excited you almost leaped from your seat. You couldn't wait to blow some shit up!
..............................................
The next morning you woke up extra early, just to get a jump on everything. Nat had fought with Steve all last night, but eventually he conceded on the sheer fact that if you were there, it would mean double the Wanda power. This was a big base, one he had known of for quite some time now, but it required extra attention. They had been working on recreating your serum, but so far to no avail. You knew exactly where they were going wrong of course. But Steve explained they had been testing it out of Hydra members. The lucky few who survived may not have your powers, but they were still strong. He'd need all the help he could get.
After you were packed you dragged your duffle to Shuri's lab. She had been working on a few new weapons she wanted you to pack. Just in case, she said. You got there in no time flat, literally vibrating with excitement.
"You're sure about this?" She asked.
"Absolutely." You beamed. She signed, and handed you a small ring.
"What's this?" You asked, holding the small band in your fingers.
"It's a beacon. It will help you hold onto your borrowed energies for longer. It's like a mini you, only better." She paused, "Speaking of, are you going to tell me what's in that serum of yours or am I just going to have to keep guessing?"
"I think it's better kept unsaid. That thing had already caused enough problems. No one should be burdened with it."
"Maybe so." She signed.
"Thank you Shuri. For everything." You half heartedly smiled but before you could leave her arms were around you, pulling you into a hug. You sucked in a breath and tapped her on the back in reciprocation. Physically affection was never something you were good at showing, try as you may.
When you finally pulled away she sent you a soft smile, and wished you good luck on the mission before you headed out the door.
..........................
"Nice of you to grace us with your presence." Steve muttered, when you finally got to the jet when the rest of the team was loading up.
"It is, isn't it?" You spoke sweetly, throwing your duffle onto the jet. You still weren't really sure where you stood with Steve. Of course you knew of the famous Captain America, even if you didn't remember a few weeks ago. But never did you imagine he would be such a class act dick. Or maybe he was just that way with you? The idea made you smirk, knowing you were the only one to really piss off the Captain was honestly the highest form of flattery.
You boarded the jet and noticed the rest if the team already suited up. The tactical gear Shuri had made you was tight, and Natasha was living proof of that. I mean, it wasn't fair she had the body of a trained ballerina and New York supermodel. The woman was easily the most beautiful woman you had ever seen while your gear clung to you in all the least flattering ways.
You quickly shook off the self doubt. It didn't matter how you looked, you were here to kick some ass.
Well, not exactly.
That morning Steve had announced that while the rest of the team 'kicked ass' you and the Soviet spy would sneak into their mainframe and collect the data of whatever new evil scheme Hydra was working on.
Though you weren't thrilled to be stuck on recon duty, it was better than nothing. Besides, you were just a little rusty. Though Nat and Sam kept you busy and Wanda had taught you all her tricks, you weren't sure that if it came down to it you'd be able to pull the trigger.
Better safe than sorry.
"Are you nervous?" Bucky spoke under his breath, his voice deep and rough. You shivered at the sound. You hadn't realised until this moment that he was seated directly behind you.
"Are you?" You asked. You tried to add some bite to your words, but they left your lips softly. The tone seemed to surprise Bucky as much as it did you as he half expected to to tear his head off again.
"Sometimes. But, not now."
"Oh yeah?" Words betraying you once again.
Ignore him.
Stop talking to him.
Stop. Talking.
Bucky's tongue slipped from between his lips, tugging on his bottom one slowly and effectively knocking you back from your annoying thought and to the glorious man sitting behind you.
"Yeah. Got this new girl on our side. She's a totally badass. I know she'll watch my six." He shrugged causing a small smile to pull at the corner of your mouth.
"How do you know she won't just leave you for dead?" She asked, playing along. Part of you, however, was just a little curious. Part of you wanted to ask yourself the same question. In a second, would you protect the man who murdered Tommy? Honestly you weren't really sure.
"Just a feeling." He spoke so casually. So sure, you wanted to believe him. It would be easy enough to feed him to Hydra, but you and him both knew you wouldn't have the stomach for it.
"Huh. You sound pretty confident in that." You sneered sarcastically.
He just gave you a small shrug, leaning back into his seat and pulling his bluetooth earbuds out of his back pocket. He offered one to you casually. Before you could protest your arm shot out and took it, placing it in your right ear.
"I like to listen to music before a mission. It calms me." He suggested, opening his phone, scrolling through his songs before the intro to Highway to Hell began playing.
A grin spread across your face "I love this song!" You beamed.
"I know. I remember you telling me something about spending an entire year listening to AC/DC cause' your dad loved their music. I downloaded a few of their albums after that. Not exactly what I'm used to, but definitely good ass kicking music." He nodded.
That stopped you dead in your tracks. You couldn't help the smile that faded quickly from your lips at his words. You were, to say the least, shocked. You must have mentioned your love for the band at some point, but honestly couldn't for the life of you remember when.
But he did. And he listened to it because you liked them.
"Huh." You repeated, turning back around and trying to suppress the butterflies that began erupting out of your stomach. You could hear Bucky behind you drumming his hands on his thighs along to the song. You couldn't help but giggle at how offbeat he was.
"Take off in five minutes. Everyone ready?" Nat spoke through your coms. Everyone gave a thumb up as the jets engine whirled on, vibrating through the aircraft.
You listened carefully as your song faded away and the next one took its place.
Do I wanna know? If this feeling flows both ways?
You could physically feel Bucky's mood shift behind you. The Super Soldier serum granting you access to his quickened heart beat and the lyrics mirrored the every present emotions you had been feeling this week.
Sad to see you go. Was sorta' hopin' that you'd stay.
You let your mind wander as you listened to Bucky hum along quietly to the song, low and soft. The sound sending chills down your spine as the memory of your dreams from the past few nights replayed over in your mind.
Baby, we both know. That the nights were mainly made For sayin' things that you can't say tomorrow day.
Bucky's lips trailed along your swollen throat, the feeling of pleasure over bruises he had left behind caused you to moan in ecstasy. The way he kissed you, not like before. This time full of lust and something dark. His hands dipped under your shirt, the feeling of hot and cold sending you over the edge as your eyes rolled back in your head. You wanted nothing more than for him to throw you against a wall, any wall and tear you limb from limb.
"I like this song too." Bucky's breath fanned across the back of your ear, rocketing you back to the Jet that was beginning to take off. You looked around the small space, praying that Bucky was the only one to notice your breath hitch in the back of your throat.
Any reminisce of the idea that you had to stay away from Bucky shattered into a million pieces. The hate, still ever present, but you knew damn well that would be the best part. It only fueled your desire. He was going to be the death of you.
Or even better, you'd be the death of him...