You sat cross legged on the large living room couch next to Wanda who absentmindedly scrolled through your movie options. Natasha searched in the large liquor cabinet next to the dining room table, clanking them together before she finally pulled out two spirits.
"Pick your poison, Y/n." She asked, holding a bottle of vodka in one hand and whiskey in the other. She shook them back and forth, the liquid inside crashing against the glass bottle incicingly.
"Is there any tequila in there?" You asked, hopefully. You weren't much of a drinker. Actually, come to think of it, you couldn't remember the last time you had had a drink. You're sure you rang in your twenty-first birthday with copious amounts of alcohol, but you couldn't for the life of you recall the night. You strained yourself trying to remember the bar your friends had taken you to but all that came of that was a pulsing headache. Either the night was that good, or the memory had been stolen from you.
"In that case, I'll text Sam to bring the 'good stuff' down when he gets here." She grinned, pulling her phone from her back pocket and typing.
"So, are we going to talk about what's going on with you or am I going to have to force it out?" Nat suddenly asked. You hadn't noticed she had been staring at you nervously picking at your fingernails. You shook your head trying to look as nonchalant as possible.
"I don't know what you're talking about?" You shrugged, faking your best smile. Nat saw through it, though. Of course she did. The spy basically had her own lie detector programmed in her brain.
"What did that dick do this time?" She blurted, perching her hands on her hips.
"Who are you talking about?" Wanda creased her forehead looking confused. Nat nodded at her and continued, causing you to drop your head in your hands out of embarrassment.
"Y/n and Bucky had a steamy makeout session. By the way, does he have bad breath? He looks like he'd have bad breath." She quipped, a smirk pulling at the corner of her pink lips. You could only gawk at her before Wanda gasped from beside you.
"You kissed Bucky!?" She all but shouted, staring at you wide eyed. You lifted your head from your hands and tried to form the right words.
"Uh," Was all that fell from your mouth. Natasha scoffed from across the room.
"Uh? UH? Why did I not know this? Why does Nat know this!?" Wanda pressed, swatting you playfully. You felt a zap when she touched you, knowing the power surge all too well.
"Okay, stop!" You ordered, your hands beginning to glow a crimson red. The two women noticed and you felt the room still. With a deep breath, you cleared your mind watching as Wanda's borrowed power begin to dim.
"One, I didn't tell Nat. I didn't tell anyone. And two, no, Bucky does not have bad breath. Quite the opposite actually." You signed, staring out the window at the rolling mountains surrounding the compound.
"How was it?" Wanda pressed.
"I really don't want to talk about it." You huffed.
"Oh, that bad huh?" Nat chuckled, walking towards you with a smug look. "What a disappointment." She signed, dropping into the reading chair across from you and Wanda.
"How did it happen, tell me everything. Did he make the first move? Wait- did you?" Wanda fired at you causing your lungs to ache as you tried to steady your breathing. This was not how you wanted to spend 'girls night'. You didn't have much experience with the concept, however the idea of delving into details of the earth shattering kiss and the impending embarrassment that followed made you feel nauseous.
"No- I mean, I don't know. It doesn't matter. Please, I really, really don't want to talk about it. Just drop it okay?" You pleaded with your friend. You could physically feel Natasha's eyes on you but before she could ask, the sound of heavy footsteps entered the room.
"Whats up, ladies? Miss me much?" The voice boomed into the room causing you to flinch. A dazzling smile bloomed on Natahsas face as she saw the man behind you.
"You wish, bird-man." She cooed, sarcastically. The man you assumed to be Sam walked around the couch and pulled Natasha into a hug. He had a large army duffle that hung over his right shoulder, but the bottle of Don Julio in his hand was what caught your eye.
He pulled away from Nat turning to look at Wanda, flashing a megawatt smile.
"How's my favourite witchy-poo?" He chuckled, causing a blush to appear on Wanda's pale cheeks. She rolled her eyes, but the coy smile on her lips remained.
"Shut up. We missed you, Sammy." She beamed, resting her hand on your leg. The shock sent a wave of power accelerated through your body, causing you to shiver. She felt your body tense and looked at you apologetically.
"Sorry, Y/n. I keep forgetting." You shook your head and smiled reassuringly at her.
"So, this is the famous Y/n I've been hearing so much about. Bucky talks very highly of you. He seemed to leave out how pretty you are, the bastard." Sam spoke, charm oozing off his every word. A nervous laugh bubbled out of your chest. What the fuck was that? You tried to meet his gaze but your body betrayed you. God he was intense. His perfectly white teeth all but sparkled against her flawless mocha skin. He was tall. Maybe not quite so compared to Bucky, but large nevertheless.
"How you doin? I'm Sam. Really, really nice to make your acquaintance." The man winked at you, taking your hand in his and shaking it slowly. You met his gaze and smiled, nervously. You could tell this came naturally to him, the way he spoke with such ease. Like he had practiced this a million times and yet, it still seemed to do its job. You were sure this has worked on many women before.
"I'm well, thank you. And, uh, you too." You smirked, trying to steady your breath. The man was objectively gorgeous.
"I heard someone needed a little pick me up?" He asked, watching you intently. "Hard day at the office?" Sam chuckled. He dropped his bag on the floor and rested on the ottoman.
"Why don't you tell me all about it, baby." He perched his lip where a devilish smirk had just played. Jesus, he really thought he was hot stuff. I mean, he was, but that wasn't the point.
Natasha made a theatrical gagging noise causing Sam to glare in her direction. "You've got to stop, before I vomit." She huffed, causing you to giggle. Silently you thanked her for ceasing Sam's schmoozing. The guy had game, but it was undoubtedly clear however that you did not. The entire situation made you feel nervous and... Guilty? No, that wasn't right. Guilt was not an emotion you needed to worry about. You had spent all day analysing Bucky's every word to you, scrutinizing every detail, every voice inflection. No, You wouldn't feel guilty. Not now, not ever.
"I'll get glasses." You quickly shot to your feet, feverishly shaking your inner dialogue away and heading towards the kitchen.
...................
"No! Don't say it! Don't you dare say it!" Natasha squealed, rising from her chair clumsily and pointing a finger at the TV. You all cheered and waited as the dreamy man from the movie spoke.
"Go to her." The man cooed, playfully punching his friend in the arm.
"NO!" Everyone screamed, falling into a pit of laughter as Sam passed the tequila around. You don't know whose idea it was to play a drinking game solely based on the cliches of the romcom, but there were only fifteen minutes left and all five of you minus Shuri were absolutely hammered.
"No, don't go to her! Kiss er' and then tell er' you just wanna' be friends! Oh and then leave on a mission for god knows how long without once asking her how she feels! She'll love that." You popped the last word, slurring your words causing Wanda to giggle beside you.
"Wait, what?" Natasha snapped, suddenly a little less inebriated. You turned to face her realising everyone was watching you quizzically.
"N-nothing... Sorry, sorry- I think I'm drunk." You spewed, averting your eyes back to the TV.
"Oh, honey..." Wanda cooed beside you.
"He did what?" Sam burst out laughing causing your heart to pang in your chest. It wasn't really that funny. Honestly it wasn't funny at all. It was embarrassing as hell and truthfully shattered your nonexistent ego into pieces.
"It's not funny." You huffed, crossing your arms over your body as if it could shield you from your shame. Sam only shook his head, clearing his throat to try and suppress his laughter. He paused, waving you off and finally spoke.
"No, no- I'm not laughing at you." He chuckled again, running his hands over his perfectly faded crop. "Jeez, I know the guys' an idiot, but this is all time." He sighed, shaking his head in disapproval. You only stared at him, unsure of what he wanted you to say.
"Literally last week the man was texting me, telling me all about this new girl who he had the hots for... I'm assuming he meant you. Honestly, I don't know if maybe Hydra dropped him on his head at some point or what." Sam snickered, pouring himself another shot of tequila. You only blinked at him.
Bucky talked about you to him? Why the hell would he do that? Last time you spoke he practically cringed away from you. This didn't make any sense.
"You're delusional." You huffed, sinking deeper into the chair and wanting nothing more than to melt away all together.
Why would Bucky talk to Sam about you? Why would Sam lie about it? And why were your cheeks beginning to get really, really hot? Certainly because of the alcohol. Nothing to do with the man who kissed your breath away. You didn't know if you should feel flattered or humiliated that the Super Soldier had talked about your 'hotness' or lack thereof.
"Maybe, but Bucky is definitely a fuck-tard." He scoffed, causing you to chuckle. "I mean, damn. His loss is my- well, you know the saying." Sam winked and suddenly there was that guilty feeling. You smiled down at your phone, watching as the blank screen lit up in your hands.
Bucky Barnes:
Hi, can't sleep... I miss you, doll.
You stared at the phone in your hands watching the speech bubbles appear at the bottom of your screen several times before finally disappearing. Worrying on your bottom lip, you typed out a text.
New message:
I miss you too...call me?
You hit the delete button over and over again until the message bubble was blank again.
New message:
Oh, hey pal! Hope ur well. Sincerely, ur friend.
Delete.
New message:
Suck it, Barnes you piece of-
Delete, delete, delete. This was stupid. Just leave him on read. Give him a good dose of his own medicine. The idea made your blood boil. The man was almost one hundred years old and he still opted for childish games. He missed you? He missed you?! The actual nerve. Of course you missed him. The idea of spending another night alone in your head made you sick to your stomach. Or maybe that was the fourteenth shot of tequila finally doing you in.
Everyone had called it a night about an hour ago. Sam fell asleep first, snoring like a damn chainsaw on the couch while Wanda shamelessly tossed stale popcorn into his open mouth.
Your phone lit up again reminding you of the vacant message bubble. You signed but instead of giving in to your petty drunken mind, you deleted the conversation, and with it, your anxiety. Ha, if only it was that easy...
The next morning was hell. A booming headache threatened behind your eyes, pulsing and causing you to groan into your pillow. You couldn't tell if it was remnants of the nightmare you'd just woken up from or the however many drinks you had consumed. Deciding, probably both, you slid out of bed, stumbling a little before regaining your balance on your way to the bathroom.
God, you felt like death. And you looked even worse. Your hair was a mess and your eyes were bloodshot and puffy from your restless slumber, or lack thereof. You needed coffee. You needed, Bucky...
You shook your head, shooing the thought away. How dare your brain defy you. You did not need Bucky. You didn't need anyone. His text last night only proved that. You weren't going to fall into his arms after he rejected you because the man was lonely. And besides that, he was right. You had so much going on around you that taking on a former Winter Soldier was probably the last thing you needed.
You signed, gripping the countertop, exhausted from the fight you'd been having with your inner dialogue all night.
On one hand, you knew this would never be happening if pre-Hydra Y/n was here. She was fearless, strong, self assured, and honestly, a bad bitch. She would never have let this happen. She'd probably be so disappointed in you right now. Pining after a man you had only just met weeks ago. And what about...
Tommy.
The name rang through your mind. Fuck, what about Tommy. Suddenly the guild from before was back, only this time it stabbed you in the gut and made you nauseous. He was literally your fiancé. You damn soon to be husband and you were out here kissing Super Soldiers like it was nothing.
You shut your eyes right, desperately trying to remember any minuscule detail about him. His hair, the colour of his eyes, if he had freckles or not. Your fingers started to go white at how hard you were fisting your hands.
Finally, after the battle with your mind you began to see a figure. He didn't look familiar but the pit in your stomach told you otherwise. It was him. This much you knew. Only he didn't have any discerning features, but deep down you knew this was Tommy. His blank face stared at you with hollow holes where his eyes should have been. The image was haunting and made you feel uneasy.
"Tommy..." you cried.
You reached out to touch the faceless man, but instead were met with a sharp pain ricocheting through your brain. You screamed in agony, doubling over and eventually collapsing onto the cold porcelain floor.
"Fuck!" You wailed, sobbing as you held your head trying to alleviate torment that stabbed your brain. You were so preoccupied you didn't hear the banging from your bathroom door before it burst open, revealing a very worried Wanda and Sam.
"Hey, hey what's going on?" He asked, but the question fell to Wanda. Her brows pinched together as she dropped to her knees beside you.
"Hang on, my friend. I'm going to help you. Everything will be okay." She whispered, placing a warm hand under your chin.
Instantly you felt her power surge through your body but that didn't ease your distress, only adding to your overwhelming discomfort. You let out a sob as your body burst into flames.
And then it was gone.
You felt numb and tingly all at once. When you opened your eyes you were back in bed. The sun streamed in, but it didn't scold your eyes like it had before. Instead it warmed your body and enveloped you in its rays. You turned over, noticing then you weren't alone. The feeling of cold metal against warm skin sent a shiver down your spine. He was asleep, but a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. The melodic rhythm of his breath coaxing you into a blissful state.
Slowly, his eyes opened, landing on you. Your heart felt like it was going to burst through your chest as you watched how much love there was in them. You felt totally and completely safe.
"Bucky." You signed, snaking your hand around his exposed torso. What should have been warm was actually freezing, startling you. But when you opened your eyes, he was gone.
You looked around the bathroom at the worried faces while you tried to make sense of what just happened. You blinked at Wanda who still had her hand under your chin. Sam stood in the doorway of the bathroom, concern, clouding his brown eyes. When you looked back at the brunette beside you, you noticed a shy smile on her lips.
"Better?" She simply asked.
You blinked at her, realizing the terrible pain was gone. But so was Bucky.
"What was that?" You asked.
Her brows knit together and she looked suddenly very worried.
"I- I didn't know what to do. I'm sorry I just thought," she started, but you waved her off.
"No, no it's okay. I'm okay. What was that?" You asked again, watching her face soften again.
"I distracted you with a memory. One that brings you the most happiness. I can teach you, if you'd like?" She offered, the words drifted away as you realized what she had said.
A memory that brings you the most happiness. The image of Bucky's stormy eyes flashed through your mind. Oh fuck.
"Can you, uh- can you see what I see?" You asked, unsure if you wanted to really know or not. Wanda stared at you for a moment before a sheepish smile broke on her lips. She nodded, causing a blush to creep through your face.
"Our little secret, no?" She asked, but it didn't sound like a question. You only mirrored her answer and nodded.
"Is someone gonna' fill me in? What the hell is happening right now?" Sans voice suddenly reminded you he was still in the room. Wanda looked just as surprised as she finally pulled her hand away.
"Everything's okay now. Sam, why don't you go put on some coffee, we'll be right there." Wanda spoke smoothly, looking over her shoulder. Sam's only response was a loud huff as he rolled his eyes.
"Leave us alone, Sam. Go put on some coffee, Sam. I'm an all powerful witch, Sam." He muttered under his breath in a higher than normal voice, mocking Wanda's. A smile tugged at the corners of your mouth as you heard your bedroom door open, and slam shut.
"Such a drama queen." She signed. Your head fell back and a laugh bubbled out. God, you couldn't remember the last time you had laughed. It felt like weeks, months maybe even. Whatever Wanda had done dissipated all strife and worry you'd been feeling. Until the memory lurched back into your mind at full speed.
Bucky's slow breathing. His cool metal arm wrapped around your torso holding you tight against his bare chest. The unbelievable serenity the entire feeling brought you.
If you had any doubts that you weren't completely and utterly fucked, they were certainly gone now. Because you were, infact, totally fucked.