“Honey, I’m going now.” Ian said in a loud voice for Lea to hear him from the kitchen. He fixed her polo and wore his watch while waiting for his wife.
She went out of the kitchen and got something from her bag before heading to the living room where Ian is, “Here’s my key. Ingat sa pagda-drive.” she said and kissed his cheek.
Ian slightly frowned as he looked at the key she just handed to him, “Why are you giving me your car key?”
“Because you need it to be able to use my car for your transportation. Today’s Wednesday... you are coded today, aren’t you?”
“How do you always remember that today is Wednesday?” he asked, amazed by his wife’s memory. “But I don’t need it, Misis. I’m just gonna use the motorbike.”
“What?” she asked in disbelief because that is something she really disapproved of.
“Hey, I know you don’t want me to use it in long travels but come to think of it, honey, I will not be stuck in traffic. My ride will be faster—”
“Yeah, faster to death.” she inserted. “You know why I don’t want you to use your motorbike, Ian. It’s dangerous and it makes me anxious because the last time we rode in there, we almost died!”
“It was only you. I was all fine.” he corrected her that’s why Lea threw a sharp look at him. Ian smiled awkwardly as a way of apologizing to her. “I’m sorry but just trust me, Misis. I was trained how to maneuver it properly and safely. I am a safe driver. And I have all these amazing protective equipments which I always wear in complete. As a matter of fact, if I can just wear five helmets on my head, I would just so you’ll stop worrying about me.”
“I trust you naman; I know you’re a responsible driver but some people put there are not. I just get too anxious and nervous sometimes knowing that fact. I want you to always be safe because I don’t know what to do if something bad happens to you.”
“Nothing bad will happen to me, promise.” he assured her and gently cupped her cheeks. “So, please? Payagan mo na ako. I’ll come home to you still alive and kicking.”
She sighed in resignation, “Fine.” she replied which made Ian smile from ear to ear. “Just be careful, okay? Dapat wala kang sugat o kahit anumang galos pag-uwi mo kung hindi ako mismo papatay sa’yo.”
“Napakasadista mo naman.” he said and chuckled. “Thank you and I promise to come home unhurt. I love you.” he added and kissed her on the lips.
“Sky, Daddy’s leaving already. Say your goodbyes.”
Sky hurried to them and bade his goodbye to Ian, “Take care, Dad!”
“Bye, little buddy! Ask Mommy to cut your fingernails, okay? Mahaba na eh.” he said. “I’ll leave now. I love you two.”
Lea just smiled at him before he finally took off. She then examined her son’s hand to see what Ian was saying about Sky’s fingernails, “It’s too long na nga, anak. I’ll just get the nail cutter then we’ll cut it na ha?”
Sky waited for her Mom in the living room who came back shortly with the materials she needed. Lea sat on the couch and let her son sit on her lap, wrapping her one arm around him to be able to do the nail cutting properly.
“Mama, can I ask you something?” the son suddenly asked while she’s in the middle of cutting his third fingernail.
“Sure. You can ask me anything, babe.” she replied. “What is it about ba? Is it about school?”
“No. It’s about me.” Sky said which drew a little frown in Lea’s face. “Why don’t I have the same surname as yours and Daddy’s? Why is mine different?”
The mother was taken aback by that question that stopped her from what she was doing. This is not the first time that Sky asks such thing and this is also not the first time she’s going to explain it to him, “Okay... honey, remember what I told you before? That Daddy Ian is not your real Papa?”
“Yes, that although he’s my Daddy, we don’t share the same type of blood.”
“That is why, Sky. You can’t share the same surname because you don’t share the same blood. You are using Mama’s surname because we have the same blood.”
“But can’t I just change it myself? I want to have Daddy’s name because you have it too. A family is supposed to have the same surname.”
Lea silently gulped after hearing that. Sky is undeniably smart and his awareness and understanding toward the things around him is a little advanced than what is expected in his age.
“Sky, trust me, if I can just put your Dad’s name on you, I would’ve done it long time ago. But anak, life is more complicated than just putting or erasing surnames. You’ll soon understand it once you get older, okay?”
He nodded and became quiet for a moment so Lea continued cutting his fingernails. She thought he’s already done asking questions but Sky has one more, “Mama, another question.”
“Go.” she simply stated although she was kinda afraid of what will come out from her son’s mouth this time. Minsan kasi, nakakatakot na sagutin ang mga tinatanong ng anak niya. Or more like, there are questions that she’d rather want to leave unanswered.
“If Daddy is not my real Daddy, then who is?”
Just like that one.
This isn’t the first time that Sky asked her about this thing too, but as much as possible, her answer would just depend on his level of understanding. She doesn’t want to bombard her son with information about who really is his real father because that will be too much.
“Didn’t I tell you already? He’s with Ate Aya.”
But Sky definitely knows about his big sister. She’s not keeping it as a secret from him because she has no reasons to. Aya is his sister, and unlike Aga, she doesn’t have any hatred towards her daughter.
“But you never introduced him to me. Like his name... you’ve never told me about his name. Or his picture, I don’t know what he looks like.”
Ibinaba niya ang anak mula sa pagkakandong sa kanya tsaka ito hinarap. She smiles guiltily at him because she is not going to answer that again. At least, not yet.
“Honey, listen.” she said as she fixed his hair. “There’s a right time for that, and when that time comes, all of your questions will finally be answered. Okay?”
Sky nodded, “Okay, Mama. I’m sorry if I’m makulit.”
“I still love you even you are very kulit.” Lea replied and smiled at her son.
“Hello, hello!” they both turned their heads after hearing that only to find Sarah peeking in from their doorway.
“Tita!” Sky greeted and kissed his Aunt’s cheek. “I miss you, Tita! You weren’t there when we went to your house the last time.”
“I miss you too, big boy, kaya nga ako nandito.” Sarah said and kissed Sky before kissing her sister. “Hi, Ate! Kumain na kayo? Pakain ako, nagugutom ako eh.”
“Bakit? Ginugutom ka ba ni Papa?”
“Walang tao sa bahay eh kaya pumunta ako rito. Sagot ko naman desert, I bought cake. Sky, do you want to eat cake?” she asked to which Sky gave an excited nod to. “O, gusto raw niya. Pakainin mo na ako para bigyan ko rin ng pagkain anak mo.”
Lea playfully rolled her eyeballs at Sarah, “Halika na nga! Kawawa ka naman, para kang ligaw na bata!” she said and pulled her sister with her in the kitchen.
Sarah chuckled and hugged Lea from behind while she’s preparing for her food, “Baby mo pa rin talaga ako ‘noh?”
“Oo, baby damulag! Dinaig mo pa si Sky.”
“Sus! You couldn’t just resist me!”
Lea just shook her head and smiled. Sarah is already in her 30s yet can still act like a six-year-old, especially when she’s naglalambing to her. She loves it though. She loves it whenever her sister makes her feel how is it like to have a teen daughter. She just can’t help sometimes to think that it’s Aya being this clingy and sweet to her— which brought her to what she has been thinking since last night.
“Sars, do you know anyone named Sam?” she opened up to her sister about that message she received yesterday. “Or do we have a relative with such name?”
“Sam? Anong apelyido?”
“I don’t know. It was not indicated eh. Sam lang nakalagay sa FB account niya.”
Sarah thought for a moment while making a glass of orange juice, “Well, I have a friend whose name is Sam but I don’t think you are referring to her. I just don’t know if we have a relative who has that name. Bakit? Why did you ask all of a sudden?”
“I received weird messages from someone named Sam last night kasi. She— or he was asking about Aya. Here, I’ll let you read them.” she said and opened her phone to let her sister see it. “I don’t know who this person is and why does she know this much about my life. It's weird and creepy.”
“And this person even knows your maiden name. You’re already using Veneracion on your account ah.”
“I know, right? And not a lot of people knows that I have a daughter who I still have no idea where at this point.”
“Stalker mo yata ‘yan eh. Baka may crush sa’yo.” Sarah teased and went back on stirring the juice. For some reason, the name Sam became so familiar to her as she kept playing it in her head. Until something occurred to her. “Holy guacamole!” she exclaimed as if she just depicted a code.
Lea looked at her in surprise, “What happened to you?”
“Ate, hindi kaya si Aya ‘yan?”
“Because SAM happened to stand for Shaniah Allison Muhlach?” she stated her theory. “I’ve thought about it. Ian has said the same to me last night but why?”
“Why?”
“Why would she create a mysterious account that will make me freak out? Why can’t she just display her real name and photo so she’s easily recognized? I mean, it doesn’t make sense to me.”
Sarah thought about it and her sister has the whole damn point, “Sabagay. Pero sino kaya ‘yan? Why does she know about Aya?” she asked. “Nag-reply ka ba?”
“I didn’t. I didn’t even accept the request. I am not interested in entertaining such creepy account.”
“Bakit hindi mo lang subukan, Ate? Kasi nakakapagtaka lang na kilala niya si Aya. Just ask her who she is and and why is she messaging you.” Sarah urged her. “Malay mo, si Aya talaga ‘yan. May nangyari lang kaya gan’yan ang account na ginagamit niya. Maybe, something not-so-good is happening to her out there.”
“You’re scaring me and you are giving me anxiety!” Lea retorted as she really felt afraid by what Sarah just uttered. She never thought of something bad happening to her daughter because knowing Aga, he would always do everything to protect Aya. Heck, he’s very protective of his unica hija that he even took her away away from her because he believed she’s a danger to her own daughter. But now that Sarah planted that idea in her mind, she can’t help but to think. Is it, in any way, possible that Aya is doing not fine at all with her father? “But, do you think...”
Sarah looked at her with a frown when her sister did not finish her sentence, “Do I think?”
Lea shook her head, disagreeing with herself on such idea, “N-nothing.” she simply stated. “Hindi naman siguro siya pinapabayaan ng Daddy niya ‘noh?”
_______
“I’ll just drop by at the restaurant later after my classes to get those from you, okay? Thank you, thank you so much.” Aya told her friend— more like, just a kind workmate— after asking the same favor she has always asked to her.
“Sure, Aya, but whose prescription is this again?”
“It’s for my grandma. You know, she’s not getting any younger and she’s got quite a few diseases already.”
“Then why don’t you just buy these on your own?”
“I’m still minor... they wouldn’t let me purchase that.”
“How about your Dad?”
“No more questions, Mandy, please because I need to go to school now. Basta, I owe you big time. I’ll make it up to you.”
“Ow-kay... Chill, kiddo. I’ll buy these meds for your grandmother.” she said and readied to leave. “Study well, although I know you aren’t a big fan of school. You should really start taking school seriously before you totally get fucked up.” Mandy added before she left Aya.
“My life has been so fucked up ever since we moved here.” she whispered.
Nagsimula na ulit siyang maglakad dahil malayo-layo pa ang unibersidad na pinapasukan niya. It just a casual day for her, silently walking on the sidewalk when a car drove slowly just a few meters where she is walking. She looked suspiciously at it until the door of the passenger’s seat opened which revealed someone who instantly annoyed her.
“Shaniah!” he called her from the driver’s seat.
“What do you need?! And are you following me?!” she asked and glanced at her father.
“Yes, because I was trying to catch you so I can send you to your school.”
“I don’t need you! I have my own feet to help me reach my school and if it’s not yet obvious to you, I am already using them.” she said and tried to walk faster despite the fact that she knows she would never beat a car’s speed.
Aga stopped the car and went outside to run after his daughter. He held Aya’s hand to make her stop and to be able to talk to her personally, “Sumakay ka na, please. Ihahatid na kita.”
“Ayoko nga! Kung gusto mo lang makasigurado na sa school talaga ako pupunta, itataga ko sa bato, doon talaga ako papunta!”
“Shaniah, please,” he told her calmly which made Aya frown. It’s so unusual for her father to talk to her this nicely knowing that she’s being hard-headed again. “Just let me send you there, okay?”
Hearing how serene Aga’s voice is, Aya somehow softened. She normally persists and disobeys every thing from him but today, unexpectedly, she follows him. She quietly joins her Dad inside the car.
“Thank you.” Aga said while she was fastening her seatbelt. She did not bother to respond and just looked ahead. “Who were you talking to earlier?”
She laughed bitterly, “I should’ve known you had a different agenda that’s why you are doing this.” she pointed out. “Stop following me. Hindi pa ba sapat sa’yo na araw-araw tayong nagkikita sa bahay?”
“Look, Shaniah, I just want to know who do you hang out with... who your friends are. I just want to know what you are doing because, just in case you have already forgotten about it, I am still your father.”
“Sounds like an obsessed stalker to me though.”
Aga can only heave a deep breath to control his temper to that kind of response, “So, sino nga ‘yon? At ano ‘yung inabot mo sa kanya?”
“That’s none of your business and as if you would really care.”
“I would because you are my daughter.” he countered back. “At puwede ba? Kahit minsan lang, kausapin mo ako nang matino. Hindi ‘yung maya’t maya nagiging sarkastiko ka.”
“Whatever!” she whispered and nonchalantly rolled her sleeves up. Aga heard her murmur so he glanced at her to give her a warning when he noticed the bruises on Aya’s arms. There were quite a few purplish dots on her skin.
“What happened to your arms?” he confronted her. Aya got alarmed when she realized it got shown off when it should never be. She immediately hide them back under her sleeves. “Bakit ang dami mong pasa? Napa’no ka?”
“Na-napaso lang noong isang araw habang nagluluto ako ng ulam.” she reasoned out and avoided her father’s eye.
“Sigurado kang ‘yun lang ang dahilan? Bakit parang masyadong marami naman yata?”
“Talsik ng mantika ‘yung iba.” she said. “Just drop me here. Mahirap na mag-park sa loob ng University.”
Aga stopped the car on the side to her drop off. Although he is till unconvinced by what really caused the bruises, he already let his daughter go, “Take care. Shall I fetch you later?”
“No... I’ll be with Hannah and Nathan. I’ll go home myself.” she answered before going out of the car. She mixed up with the other students so she easily disappeared from Aga’s sight.
She heaved a deep breath when she made sure her father is no longer around. She continued walking her way to her first class’ room as she peeked at those bruises she accidentally exposed to him. Stupid, Aya! Just stupid! She reprimanded herself. She just hoped Aga will no longer pry her about those bruises because he is not supposed to know. She can deal with this on her own; she doesn’t need his help.
______
After sending Aya to her school, Aga went directly back to their house which he bought four years ago after he got married. Yari— his wife— is the first person who welcomed him upon walking through their door.
“Hi, Love!” she greeted him and kissed his lips. “Were you able to catch Aya?”
“Yeah, I sent her to school.”
“She really went inside the University? Or baka lumiko? Baka natakasan ka lang.”
“I saw her entered the University. I find it weird too that she went to school today and let me know about it but I’m giving her a chance. Let’s give her a chance to change. She might have just started realizing her wrongdoings.”
“Really? You still believe that?” Yari mocked him which he didn’t like. He knew that she doesn’t have a good relationship with his daughter but he still doesn’t tolerate how terribly she talked about Aya. “Your daughter is like a hopeless case, but anyway, your daughter, your responsibility.”
Aga frowned, “My daughter? Just my daughter? Yari, she’s our daughter!”
“No, not anymore. Not since she started treating me like a crap.” she said. “Anyway, you wanna go out for a date? You know, it’s been a long while since we went out.” she changed their topic.
“I have the restaurant today. I just went home to get something.”
“I didn’t mean right now. How about later? After all your work in the restaurant?”
“I don’t think so. I might run the resto a little overtime tonight.”
“Yeah, right! Restaurant first before Aya. Aya first before me. When will you make me your top priority?!” she asked, obviously pissed at her husband.
“What are you talking about?” Aga countered back in disbelief. “If you really want us to have a date later, just come to the restaurant and let’s have a dinner together. You don’t have to create such a big deal out of it.”
“Nevermind. Let’s just do it when you are already not forced to have a date with your wife.” she replied. “Anyway, I’ll be back to Manila next week for a shoot. Do you want to come? You might wanna check how your ex is doing?”
He darted her a sharp look when she mentioned Lea out of the blue. Yeah, he knows exactly who is that ex she was referring to, “W-What?”
“Wow! I finally got your interest.” Yari said as she tightened her jaw. “The fuck, Aga?!? Hanggang ngayon, siya pa rin!?”
“The fuck, Yari!? It was you who mentioned her all of a sudden then you’ll storm out at me because of my mere reaction!? You know it’ll get me pissed off!”
“Why are you still affected in the first place!? I never mentioned her name but you instantly thought of her! She is not your only ex-girlfriend!” she cornered him. “Aga, move on! You are married to me, Lea is married too. Nauna pa nga siyang magpakasal sa’tin ‘di ba?”
“You are not making sense to me! How did this conversation even go that far?! ” he exclaimed and already left her before he totally bursts his anger toward his wife.
He slammed the door of his car after he went in. He even punched the steering wheel in complete annoyance for he was reminded of Lea again and her whereabouts. It’s already too much for him to know that she got married with Ian and is now living happily with her family.
Yes, he knows all of that because Dawn once told her. He also knows that until now, she is still longing and looking for Aya. But there is this one thing that Dawn told him that he cannot seem to bring himself to believe. Or maybe, he is just convincing himself not to believe it because it will just make him extremely guilty. It will make him crucify himself.
He’s aware of the fact that there’s a possibility that he left Lea with his son.
______
Lea arrived at their home a little later than dinner time. She went straight to their kitchen to see what food did Manang Helen cook for them, “Manang, kumain na po si Sky?”
“Ah, eh, hindi pa. Hinihintay kayo ni Ian eh at gusto raw kayo makasabay kumain.”
“Kami ni Ian? Hindi pa umuuwi si Ian?” she asked, a little stunned because she thought he’s already home. “Eh, bakit po nandito na ‘yung sasakyan niya tapos siya wala pa?”
“Motor ang gamit niya n’ong umalis siya kanina eh.” Manang said which made Lea sigh. “Aakyatin ko muna si Sky sa taas para sabihing nandito ka na.” she added and left Lea in the kitchen.
She got her phone and dialed his number to ask where he is already, but it just keeps ringing. She ended the call and tried once more but still got the same result. Dammit, Veneracion! Are you still alive or what?! Ian went on the road using his motorbike again and he’s not yet home when he told her he’s already on his way earlier when she called him. This kind of situation is what makes her nervous and agitated. How would she know what already happened to her husband when he’s not even answering his phone?!
“Mama!”
Lea put down her phone and faced her son when she heard that excited call, “Hello, good evening!” she greeted Sky and kissed his cheek. “How’s your day?”
“It went pretty well, Mom. Where’s Daddy po pala?”
“He’s on his way, babe. Mauna ka na sa dining room at susunod ako para makakain na tayo, okay?”
Sky just nodded and followed what his Mom said. Lea dialed Ian’s number again but her phone just died without anyone answering her call. She gave up and was about to go to the dining area when she heard a sound of an engine outside. She automatically knew it’s Ian so she stood on the doorway with her arms crossed and waited for her husband to come in.
Pina-park pa lang ni Ian ang kaniyang motor ay alam na niyang nakaabang na sa kanya ang asawa na nasa masamang timpla. He had to wear his sweetest smile as he approached Lea, hoping it would lessen her irritation towards him.
“Hi, Misis ko!” matamis niyang bati rito at aakmang hahalikan na sana si Lea nang palad nito ang sumalubong sa mga labi niya.
“Anong Misis Misis? Anong oras na?” she asked him. “Around 6:30, ang sabi mo 20 minutes away ka na lang sa bahay. Isang oras na ang nakalipas, Stephen Ian! Naunahan pa kita makauwi considering na paalis pa lang ako ng clinic n’on! Anong nangyari, ha? Huwag mong sabihing traffic. Wala pang traffic jam kanina!”
He can only scratch the back of his head in resignation. Wala talaga siyang takas sa logic ng asawa niya, “Sorry na, Misis, dinaanan ko lang kasi ‘tong regalo ko sa’yo.” he said and handed her a flower.
Lea tried to keep her poker face and angry energy but instantly lost it when Ian gave her a bunch of sampaguita flower, “Tangina!” she cussed and laughed. He also laughed with his wife, feeling relieved that she’s now in a better mood. “Gago ka ba? Anong tingin mo sa’kin? Poon?”
“Mas malayo kasi ‘yung bilihan ng tulips eh saktong may nadaanan akong simbahan tapos ang daming batang nagtitinda ng sampaguita. Pinakyaw ko na lahat ng tinda nila para makauwi na rin sila. Ang bait ng asawa mo ‘di ba? Tsaka ang underrated kaya ng sampaguita kahit siya ‘yung national flower, kaya para maiba naman, sampaguita for you, Misis.” he reasoned which Lea found a little amusing though. “Saint Lea, forgive me for all my sins.” he even added.
She grinned and finally accepted the sampaguitas, “Forgiven and thank you for this, Sir.” she said. “Although, I would really appreciate it if you would answer my call next time so I’ll be aware that you are still alive. Lalo na kung ginagamit mo ‘yung motorbike mo. It’s really giving me anxiety, Ian.”
“Yes, I will, I promise. I’m sorry again.” he apologized and kissed her forehead.
“Let’s get inside because Sky is waiting for us. Dinner’s ready na.” she said and the both of them walked inside their house. “Damn! These are a lot sampaguitas, Sir. Saan naman natin ilalagay ‘to? Wala tayong poon dito.”
“Ikaw na lang mag-suot since mukha ka namang Santo.”
“Sa’yo ko na lang kaya i-suot sabay sakal na rin? Siraulo ka!”
Ian just chuckled and headed to their son, “Hey, buddy!”
“Hello, Dad! Good thing you are already here. We can finally eat dinner!”
The three of them settle on their respective seats as they prepare for dinner, “Sky, lead the prayer.” Lea told her son.
“Okay, Mom,” Sky said and closed his eyes before offering a prayer. His parents did the same too. “In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Papa God, thank you for all the food you put in our table today. Thank you for Nanay for always cooking for us. And thank you for bringing Mommy and Daddy home safely. I hope and I wish that one day, we will finally get to share dinner with Ate Aya because I know Mommy wants that very much and I also want to meet my Ate too.” Sky said that put a small genuine smile on Lea’s face. “And as well as my real Papa. I want to meet him too.” he added which immediately erased that smile. That is something she hasn’t fully thought of. She doesn’t think she’s ready for that to happen. “I ask these in Jesus’ name. Amen.”
“Amen.” Lea whispered and did a sign of the cross. She opened her eyes and looked around only to find her husband’s meaningful gaze at her. Ian realized how tough would that be for her— when the time comes that she has to tell Aga about Sky. She is not even open to that possibility yet because she has been refusing to talk about it. Lea avoided his eyes and just shrugged it all off. “Let’s eat.”
______
After dinner, Sky left his parents right off in the dining hall. It gave Ian a chance to talk to Lea about what he has been thinking since dinner, “Misis...”
“Hmm?” she replied without looking at her husband as she was focused on typing on her laptop.
“About earlier,” he started. “About Sky wanting to meet his real father?”
“What about that?”
“Are you ready for that?”
“Yeah... Sure.” she casually answered which surprised Ian. He didn’t expect that kind of answer from her.
“R-Really?”
“Of course. I’m actually about to call him, but I don’t have his number. Do you?” she asked making him realized that she’s just being sarcastic.
“Hey, I know, you don’t want to talk about it— at least not for now, but you know that at certain point, you have to start opening yourself to that idea. You—”
“Ian, can we not have this conversation for now?” Lea calmly told him, trying not to get pissed with her husband because she really doesn’t like talking about this thing.
“Lea, I am just preparing you because I know you gave your words to Sky and I also know you can no longer take them back.”
“Yes I know! I know what words I gave to my son which, by the way, I am starting to regret. If I can just turn back the time, I should’ve just let Sky believe that you are his only real father so he will never have any idea of who the hell Aga is!” she lost her control and burst it all out to Ian. She held her forehead as she leaned against the back of his chair and sighed. “I-I’m sorry. Can you just leave me alone for a minute?”
“Okay... I’m sorry. I should have not forced you.” Ian apologized and kissed her head before leaving her alone at the dining hall.
Lea heaved a deep breath and ran her fingers on her hair. She didn’t mean to raise her voice to her husband; she was just carried away by her emotions. She wasn’t mad at Ian for opening up that conversation. She was mad because she knew she couldn’t accept the fact that she has to introduce Aga to her son someday. She owes that to Sky and she hates to feel that she owes that to Aga as well. To the man who broke her heart a million times by taking her daughter away from her. She thinks he doesn’t deserve to know Sky that’s why she also wants to take her son away from him. To make it even.
But she knows she doesn’t have the heart to do that. She doesn’t want to use her son as a revenge nor as a tool to get back to Aga.
She tried to shrug those things off and focused back on what she was doing on her laptop. She tried, but she already lost the energy to continue doing her work. She decided to just resume it tomorrow, closed its tab, and opened another one to log in to her Facebook account. She just checked if someone left her an important message but so far, the last message she received is just from her sister.
She was about to log out since she no longer has a business to do there when she remembered the message she received few days ago. She went to the message request section, opened the thread from SAM, and reread the messages as if she hasn’t memorized every word from every text bubble. It’s been almost a week since they were sent to her but she hasn’t responded. Well, not yet.
She clicked the reply button and readied to type on her keyboard. Despite not knowing what to say, she started typing for a reply.
Yes, I have a daughter named Aya.
She shook her head. Nah, I’m easily giving it away. She thought so she deleted her first attempt.
Yes, I’m Lea Salonga. Who is this?
Deleted. Again.
How do you know about Aya?
Deleted. Too. She sighed and typed in one last time.
May I know who is this, please?
Sent.
_______
It’s almost noon in San Francisco and yet Aya hasn’t gotten up from bed. Unlike other teenagers who would normally kill their time scrolling over their social media accounts on an off-school day, the only thing she can do is to stare at her room’s ceiling and wait for herself to starve so she can go downstairs and get some food. Unless Aga and Yari are not around the house, she just usually locked herself up in her room. She is very anti-social that she doesn’t even like socializing with the people she is with in this house.
She sat up on and opened one of the drawers beside her bed to get her sketchpad. She scanned all the drawings she made in the past two— three years, until she found her most favorite one. She has made quite a few drawings but only one of them has a very special place in her heart and will forever stand out for her. It was the portrait of her and her Mom that she manually drew. She got the reference photo of it from Dawn when the latter visited them last Christmas. Dawn was still kind enough to secretly show it to her niece because she knew Aya longed for her mother too.
Aya wanted to keep the photo, but she doesn’t have any gadget where she can store it. Good thing, she was gifted with an artistic talent so as an alternate, she drew it. She remembered giving up sleep and couple of meals just to finish it before her Mama Dawn leave again.
She would look and stare at that drawing once in a while, especially her Mom’s features. It makes her remember every detail of her looks and it makes her not to forget who she really is in her life. It is a some sort of reminder to her that she still has a mother and she knew she’s loving her from afar.
“I miss you, Mom.” she whispered and slightly sobbed. “Come and get me here, please.” she begged, sounding so desperate.
“Aya? Honey?” Yari knocked on her door so she immediately hid her sketchpad under her pillows and wiped the small traces of tears in her face.
“God, Yari, you wait until I let you in! Privacy, hello?” she said when her oh-so-called step-mother just went in without her permission.
“You don’t usually let me in here. You just let me wait outside until I get pissed and call your Dad.”
“That’s the whole damn point!” Aya said and rolled her eyeballs at her. “What do you need?”
“I’m just here to let you know that there are food downstairs so if ever you starve, just go downstairs and eat. Your Dad will send me to the airport and it might take a while before he comes back.”
“I’ll be good if he never will, and so should you.” Aya said and crossed her arms. “Saan ka nga pala pupunta?”
“Manila.”
Tila natigilan naman si Aya dahil sa sinagot ng ina-inahan. Manila. Philippines. She’s been dying to go back there, “R-Really?”
“Yeah, I would love to bring you sana kaso ayaw naman ng Daddy mo. Sayang.”
“You don’t get to mock me.”
“No, I am not. I seriously want to take you back there.”
“Yari, if my Dad can afford to buy your craps, well, I cannot. Cut it out, Daddy’s not here.”
Yari forced a smile, weighing her temper on this little bratty lady in front of her, “Look, Aya, I am trying to be nice to you here—”
“You’re not nice, you’re fake.”
“My God!” she exclaimed calmly. “Where did the sweet, nice, little girl who used to cling on to me all the time go? What happened to you?”
“That sweet, nice, little girl is still here. She just lost her trust on you that’s why she stopped showing up.”
“Why? What did I do wrong for you to change for the worse?!”
“Really? You’re asking me that?” Aya asked while looking intently at her eyes. “Why did you forcefully get me that night? What was really your plan that time? And who was that guy who hurt my Mom?!”
What happened that night left a deep mark in her mind. She was young, most of the things she did during her childhood has been erased from her memories. But she will always remember that one night.
“Mom, I’m already sleepy.” the then eight-year-old Aya told her mother.
“Oh, okay, love. I am just going to prepare your milk but you go to your room if you want, okay?” Lea said before leaving her daughter in the living room.
Aya chose to stay and just wait for her Mom to get finished so they can go upstairs together. She was just quietly watching TV when someone entered their house, “Aya, baby...”
“Tita Yari.” she greeted her. “What are you doing here po? Daddy’s not here yet because he’s still at work.”
“It’s okay, I came here for you anyway.” Yari said and held Aya’s hand. “Can you come with me outside just for a minute? I am just going to show you something. A gift perhaps?”
“Sure, Tita, but let’s talk to Mommy first. She’s in the kitchen eh.” saad ng bata at aakmang aalis na sana nang hinigpitan niya ang hawak sa kamay nito.
She smiled, “That would be unnecessary, baby. Saglit lang naman tayo. Ibabalik din kita agad dito.”
Aya looked at the kitchen where her Mom is with full of hesitation, “But Tita—”
“Please?” Yari pleaded while slowly pulling the kid with her outside. “Saglit lang tayo, baby.”
“Baka po kasi hanapin ako ni Mommy. Hindi pa naman po tayo nagpaalam. I’ll make her worry.” Aya said and could just follow her Tita wherever she was taking her. “Saan po ba tayo pupunta? We’re far from the house na oh!”
“Here... just inside my car.” she answered. Yari looked around, making sure Lea wasn’t there before she put Aya inside her car which was parked a few blocks from Aga’s house. “This is my gift to you, babe.” she handed Aya a large gift box to distract her.
“It’s not my birthday naman po ah? Why do I have a gift?”
“Wala lang. I just wanna give you something. You can open it now.”
“Can I just open this in our house? Tita, Mommy might be looking for me already. Let’s go back na po?”
“Just open my gift first, please? Para hindi na rin maglinis si Mommy mo mamaya. You leave the trash na lang here.”
“Pero Tita!? I wanna go back na po!” Aya whined and looked straight ahead when she saw Lea outside their house... with a tall man who she cannot recognize. “Mommy? Tita, I’ll go na po with Mommy. That’s Mommy oh.” she said and tried opening the door of the car but it wouldn’t. It was locked.
Yari could just avoid Aya’s gaze and shouts and watched what will Bryan do to Lea. She saw him grabbing her hair that made her somehow feel satisfied— happy.
“Ouch!” pagdaing niya nang paluin siya ni Aya gamit ang regalo na binigay niya rito.
“Let me go out here! I wanna go to Mommy, that man is hurting her!” Aya shouted at her.
“Your Mom deserves that!” she countered back which frightened the little kid causing her to cry.
“I hate you, Tita! You are bad! Isusumbong kita kay Daddy!” the little girl said as she kept trying to open the door but was ineffective. Aya’s cries and whines irked Yari’s ears so she already got the syringe she prepared from one of her car’s compartment to silence her. “Tita... w-what’s that?” Aya nervously asked as she tried to get away from Yari’s grip.
“Don’t worry, baby girl, this will just put you on a deep slumber. Sweet dreams, babe!”
“I don’t know what you are talking about.” Yari insisted as that night also flashed in her mind.
“You are still using that excuse!? Yari, I was young but I wasn’t dumb. Did you know I am carrying that fright— that trauma you have given to me up until now!? No, right!? Because you don’t care!” she told her. “That night was the last night I saw Mom and I didn’t even know what happened to her. That night was the night where Daddy decided to take me here— far from my mother. And I hope... I really hope you didn’t cause all of these. I hope that you didn’t take part in messing with my life because I swear to God, I am going to kill you!”
The tension between them broke when Aga knocked and peeked in, “Yari? Shall we go?”
“Oh, sure. Sorry, Aya and I just had a small talk.” she said and stood up. Aya just secretly rolled her eyeballs in irritation.
“Aya, we’ll go now. Everything you need is downstairs, okay?” Aga told her but she didn’t even bother to reply. Until she just heard her door shut indicating that they already left.
She waited for a few more minutes until she heard the engine of a car outside. Until that sound slowly faded, a signal that they totally left the house. She immediately got up from her bed and went straight to their bedroom. This is an opportunity for her to look for some of her important documents to be able to travel back to Manila.
She toured her Dad’s bedroom and literally looked at every corner and hole inside but a single paper did not even show up. But she found a small vault under the bed cushion when she lifted it. She got it and it was surprisingly unlocked. She opened it only to find a bunch of dollars inside. This might be the restaurant’s income, she thought.
“Shaniah!” nabitawan niya ang vault dahil sa gulat nang marinig niya ang sigaw na ‘yon. She turned and met her father’s furious eyes. “Anong ginagawa mo rito sa kuwarto namin at bakit mo hawak ‘yan!? Are you stealing from me!?”
“N-No,” she immediately defended herself. “I-I would never ever steal anything, most especially from you!”
“Then why are you holding my vault!? At paano mo nabuksan ‘yan!?”
“It was already opened when I checked it. I-I was just looking for my passport and I thought it was hidden there so I checked.” she explained nervously. She’s just afraid that her Dad might think she’s a thief. She’s desperate to go back to Manila but she would never go as far as stealing. She didn’t even think of getting those money when she found it.
Aga darted his daughter a sharp look after picking up the vault, “You really haven’t given up on looking for your passport!? Are you that desperate to leave here!?”
“Yes, I am! I want to leave this place. I want to leave you!”
“And where do you want to be? With Lea!?”
“Oo! Sana nasa kanya na lang ako ngayon! Sana nasa puder niya na lang ako baka sakaling hindi ako nagkaka-ganito! I don’t understand why don’t you just let me be!”
“Because I am protecting you!” Aga countered back. “Kung nasa puder ka ni Lea, baka patay ka na ngayon!”
“Aga!” Yari tried to stop him from saying things he might regret later.
“W-What are you talking about!?” Aya asked, surprised and confused
Aga’s decided that it’s about time for her to know about everything, “Akala mo ba talaga ako ‘yung masama rito at santo ‘yang nanay mo!? Aya, did you know how many times she put you in danger? Your Mom was an addict. She did a lot of terrible things before but do you know what’s worse? She almost killed you, with her bare hands, when you were a baby!”
A couple of tears fell from Aya’s eyes after hearing that, “Y-You’re lying... You are just making up stories just so I’d stop looking for her! Sinisiraan mo lang si Mommy sa akin kasi ikaw sirang-sira na sa akin.”
“It’s true, Aya. That happened. You were just around six months when she tried to suffocate using a pillow.” Yari confirmed it.
“What do you know!? You are not even part of my family!” she shouted at her. Her face has turned red and has gotten wet with tears. A part of her is trying not to believe their words, but a part of her is already hurting for that goddamn reason. “Let’s say those things are true. Let’s say she was that kind of person. But she changed, did she? Because I cannot remember even just one moment where she hurt me, unlike what you are doing to me right now! She tried to be a good mother to me and she was. She was a good mother.”
“If she was, then why were you unconscious that night I left you with her!? I gave my full trust to her that night to take care of you but what happened!? She was a whole mess that night and you were... you were unconscious.”
“Why don’t you ask your fucking wife!?” Aya replied and looked at Yari. “I already told you what I know... what happened that night but you just ignored it. A lot of times. As far as I know, it was not Mom’s fault but you just believed what you wanted to believe. You’ve already hurt me so much because of your ego and stupidity!”
Aga’s palm instantly met her cheek as a tear also rolled down from his eye. Hearing his daughter’s sobs is hard for him but he is hurt too. He is hurt how their relationship turned into something as disastrous as this, “I didn’t give my whole life in raising you and making sure you have a good and safe environment just for you to turn your back on me, Aya! You wanted your passport!?” he asked and got his wallet where he kept his daughter’s passport. His next moves took both Aya and Yari in complete surprise. He started ripping its pages.
“D-Daddy... D-Daddy, no!” Aya begged while crying.
“If you want to go to your Mom, then use your own resources. From now on, I will no longer provide for you! Bahala ka na sa buhay mo!” were Aga’s last words before walking out from her.
“You don’t have to go that far, Aga! Anak mo pa rin si Aya!” Yari told him as they walked out of their house. The only reason why they came back was just to get something that she forgot to bring, so they really did not expect something like this would happen.
Aga looked at her. He is in the height of his anger that he wants to confront everyone right now, “Did you really do what Aya said that you did?” he asked.
“Bakit ako naman ang pinagbubuntungan mo ngayon!?”
“I just find it amusing how Aya remains consistent to that story all these years. So I wanted to know why your truth is different from what she has been consistently telling me.”
“Because she hates me! She thinks that I am trying to replace Lea in her life. Don’t you get it still!?” Yari exclaimed. Aga stared at her as if assessing if she’s sincere or not. “You know what!? I gotta go. I still have a flight to catch on. It’s okay kung hindi mo na ako maihahatid. It would be better if you just stay here with your daughter.”
He released a weary sigh, “No, I owe you that. We should go now. ” Aga said. He took a last glance upstairs where he left Aya crying and damaged.
_______
Without looking back, not even a sight of hesitation in her eyes, Aya started walking away from their house— from her life with her Dad. She doesn’t have a concrete plan yet but she just wants to get herself out of this horrible place. She couldn’t take it anymore; she is so done with her father. Sinabi naman na niya na bahala na siya sa buhay niya, so here she is minding her own life.
She’s got hundreds of bucks inside her backpack where a couple of her things are also placed. Her one place to be at this point is at Hannah’s flat which are still streets away from where she lives. She didn’t bother calling for a cab and just used her own feet to travel just to keep her small money. She might need them for more significant things later. Run. Walk. Run. She gave her best to reach her friend’s house as soon as possible.
“Aya, darling, what brings you here?” Faith, Hannah’s Mom, was the one who welcomed her after she rang their bell. “May lakad ba kayo ni Hannah ngayon?”
“Uhm, wala naman po. Pero nand’yan po ba siya? Gusto ko lang po sanang makausap si Hannah.”
“Oo, come on in. Tatawagin ko lang.”
Faith accompanied her in their living room and was about to call her daughter when they heard Hannah’s voice and footsteps coming, “Mom! Mom! I need to go to Aya! May sasabihin lang ako sa kanya.”
“You don’t have to, sweetheart. Aya is already here.”
“What!?” she asked and looked around. She found Aya sitting on their living room couch with an unexplainable look. She instantly knew she has a problem so she rushed to her. “Hey, what happened? Okay ka lang?”
Sometimes, a simple question like how are you is just what a person needs to be able to let her emotion show. Hannah just hugged her friend when Aya broke down. She has been carrying enough baggages inside; it’s time for her to release a few because she would really die if she wouldn’t.
“Just cry... it’s okay.” Hannah told her. Her Mom saw what is happening so she quietly told her to bring Aya to her room where she can be more comfortable. “It’ll be okay, okay? Akyat na muna tayo sa taas kasi maglilinis daw si Mommy rito.”
Aya wiped her tears and just let Hannah take her upstairs to her room, “T-Thank you, Hans.” she said and sobbed.
“Wala ‘yon, ano ka ba?” Hannah said and made her sit on her bed. “Are you ready talk? What happened this time.”
Aya started telling her the whole story. She struggled to talk without crying and sobbing which was hard for Hannah to watch and listen to. This is the first time she saw Aya this hurt and broken and she hates it. She is very sorry for her, “Hans, can I ask a favor.”
“Sure. Anything. Ano ‘yun?” she asked while rubbing her back.
“C-Can I stay for here even just for today? Can you talk to Tita and Tito about it? Kahit ngayong gabi lang naman, aalis din ako agad bukas.”
“Oo naman. Hindi ko na sila kailangang kausapin. I’m sure they’d be very glad to let you stay here for as long as you want.” Hannah replied.
They heard a knock on her door so she stood up to open it. Faith went in, with a tray of food and glasses of water for them, “Just in case you get hungry, eat.”
“Thank you, Mom. And, oh, Mommy, Aya will stay here in the house for a while muna. Okay lang ba?”
“Oo naman. Si Aya pa ba? She’s like my second daughter na eh.” Faith said which made Aya smile. It feels good to have someone who treats her like a family despite being totally unrelated to. “Anyway, do you still need anything here? Juice? Food you like? I’ll order them.”
“No, Mom, okay na kami. Alis ka na, shoo-shoo!”
“Are you sure? Baka may gusto pa si Aya?”
“Mom, we’ll be fine here. Just give us a little privacy, please?” Hannah said.
“Okay, fine. Just call me when you need anything, okay? Especially you Aya. Just feel at home.”
Aya just smiled in return as a way of saying thank you, “I’m sorry, she’s really too makulit. She likes hanging out with me and my friends too. Wala kasing work today.”
“It’s absolutely fine, Hannah. Ang suwerte mo nga eh, Tita is so sweet and very much involved. I would die to have a Mom like yours.”
Hannah just smiled and looked at her. Aya had honestly taught her to never take even just a second with her parents for granted. You will never know how long they’ll be there with you so cherish every moment before it’s gone.
“Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, oo nga pala!” Aya startled when Hannah suddenly became too loud. “I opened your account just a few minutes ago and the reason why I wanted to see you right away is because of this.” she said and showed Aya her phone’s screen.
Tila biglang nawala naman ang mga hikbi ni Aya kasabay ng pagtuyo ng mga luha niya nang mabasa ang nasa cellphone ng kaibigan. There was one message from Lea Veneracion.
“She replied?”
“She did! And I could tell from her reply that she is already your Mom! We found her, Aya! We found your Mom!”
“W-What? How sure are you?”
“Kasi kung hindi siya ‘yan, she would’ve directly said no to all your questions. Puwede niya namang sabihin agad na hindi siya ‘yung Lea na hinahanap natin o wala siyang kilalang Aya kagaya n’ong ibang nakausap natin. But she asked who you are which means she kinda needed some assurance about your identity first before she confirms it.” Hannah explained to her which gave her a lot of hope. The thought that this may already be her Mom she’s conversing with right now made her shiver in nervousness and in sheer joy. “Pero ayaw naman kitang paasahin kaya kung ako sa’yo mag-reply ka na. This might be already it, Aya.”
“B-But what should I say? What should I reply?”
“Eh ano ba ‘yung tanong niya?” Hannah asked back. “May I know who is this, please? Sino ka raw ba?”
She bit her lower lip but a small smile did not fail to show on her face. She is very hopeful that this is already her Mom. Her hands were a little bit shaky when she started typing for a reply.
This is Aya. Shaniah Allison Muhlach, hence, the profile name SAM.
Sent.
Delivered.
Seen.
“Oh my God!” the two of them exclaimed in synch upon seeing that she has seen their message. “She’s online! Oh my gosh! Ang tibay, ah? It’s like 3AM already in Manila.”
They waited for a reply but a few minutes have passed, they didn’t receive anything still. Aya tried to send one more message that could either confirm or decline everything.
Is this you, Mom?
Sent.
Delivered.
And...
Seen.
They thought she is just going to read the message but their eyes have gone the biggest when she called through the Messenger app.
Lea Veneracion is calling...
“Putangshet!” Hannah could not help but to cuss. She is not even the one who’s looking for her mother but she’s already feeling too many emotions right now for her friend. “Hoy, Shaniah, sasagutin mo o sasagutin!?” saway niya sa kaibigan nang hindi na ito makaimik at nakatitig na lamang sa screen ng telepono niya.
Aya’s heart is pounding fast and hard that it feels like it is about to come out of its rib cage. Her hands become sweaty, so do her eyes. She was staring at the name of the caller for such a long time that the call almost ended without her doing anything.
But she did.
She successfully accepted the call.
“Hello?”
That one word— that familiar voice triggered a tear to ricochet down her face, “Mommy?”