The next morning came by and I stayed in bed, not having the energy to get up. The villa was quiet as well for once, usually waking up to the noisy bickering and chatter, today seemed weird.
My mind raced over yesterday's events and my heart clenched painfully as I thought of Zara. It seemed that no one wanted to get up today either, nor did they have the energy to.
Tears slipped down my face once again, we didn't see this coming at all. Her death took us by surprise, I hadn't realised just how bad her thoughts her.
God, I should've realised sooner.
I felt being pulled back into a chest and my eyes flitted down to Matthias' arm around my waist. I was really thankful that he had stayed the whole night with me, trying to comfort me. Although he may think he didn't do anything to calm me down, his presence was enough.
"Morning." He whispered, stirring beside me. To my surprise, he pecked my cheek and I snuggled in closer to him.
"Caterina, if you need to cry let it all out, don't hold it in okay. I'm here." He comforted me as he felt my wet cheeks. I nodded and turned to face him, burying my face in his neck and cried.
"I wish she was still here Matthias. We should've all tried to help her more, I don't think anyone realised the extent of her thoughts."
"I feel like I should've talked to her sooner." He confirmed and I stayed quiet as I thought about the conversation me and Zara had before.
"God I-I should've realised that something wasn't right. I tried comforting her, but she always said she's fine and that she would tell me another time. I should've comforted her more and made sure she was okay." Although I wasn't voicing it, me and Matthias both knew what I was saying.
I know that it wasn't my fault that this had happened, but partially, I couldn't help but feel like it was.
I blame myself and I can't forgive myself for not ever delving deeper into how Zara truly felt.
"Stop Caterina. You're going to have a lot 'I should've said this or I should've done this,' but that's not going to help. Everyone is going to have a lot of regrets, but no matter what, it's not going to bring her back. Stop blaming yourself, she had her own reasons and I never think that she would ever blame you at all for anything." He lifted my face in his hands and stared down at me, hard, making sure I got the message.
I whimpered and bit my lip, sobbing.
"I miss her. I miss her so much." I cried and held me tightly, wrapping his arms around me.
"How's Ethan doing?" I asked and he looked away. Yesterday after Matthias had took me away, I heard Ethan's screams and shouts. There were things being broken and damaged and I could hear the anger he held inside.
As much as Matthias didn't want to leave me for a second by myself, I urged him to go look out for Ethan. To his reluctance, he went and checked up on him, before coming back to me thirty minutes later.
"He's not coping well. Yesterday he and Zara had both woke up early and he told me that he was going to get some flowers for her because he noticed that she hasn't been quite happy lately." Matthias finished and I clenched my eyes as I imagined the pain my brother was in.
"When you woke up Matthias, I thought everything would be alright again. I thought we could all go back to how things were before, which it did, but now, knowing that Zara isn't coming back, it hurts. It hurts all over again." I whispered and he rubbed my back soothingly.
"I'm here okay, Caterina. I'll always be here for you. I wish she was still here too, she became family." I nodded and gripped his hand tightly.
"I want to go check on Ethan." I announced, detangling myself from Matthias. He nodded, understanding.
"Of course, I'll be here. Come to me whenever." He said and grabbed my arm, pulling my arm forward and gave me a sweet kiss.
I didn't bother to knock on Ethan's door and went in. He was in yesterday's clothes and laying upright in bed. He was staring at the spot beside him, which is the spot that Zara usually slept on. His eyes were red and I saw dry tears on his face.
He looks so empty.
I went towards the bed and wrapped Ethan in a hug, not saying anything. He sat still and stared at the wall in front of him.
I stayed hugging him for a few minutes, before he finally wrapped his arms around me. I felt him break down and start sobbing, clutching me tightly.
I just wish that I could take all his pain away.
"Zara's not coming back." He said and I didn't say anything.
"I didn't know that she was dealing with all this alone. God, I should've been there for her more." Ethan frustratedly clenched his fist.
"She loved you Ethan, she really did. I could see it in her eyes every time she looked at you or whenever you were near her. Please don't blame yourself." I begged and Matthias' words came back to me.
"Even if we do blame ourselves, which I know we all do, it's not going to change anything. Zara isn't coming back, I know it's painful to hear, she was just like my sister too, but please do not blame yourself Ethan."
"I miss her. I love her too, and I was going to tell her, but I was too late. She'll never know now." He admitted, looking defeated and I sympathised with him.
It's how I felt when I saw Matthias in the hospital for the first time that day, barely breathing and badly bruised.
"I think she did know. Even if she didn't, I think she was happy for the way that you had treated her regardless of everything. You were good to her Ethan." I comforted him and he hugged me tighter, before letting go.
The door opened and in walked Grayson. He came and sat beside Ethan. He didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around him and they shared a brotherly hug.
"I'm so sorry." Grayson said, sadness clouding over him as he stared at Ethan. I looked at both of them and remembered the last time we were comforting each other.
The night our parents died.
I went closer towards them and wrapped my arms around both of them. We all shared a long hug, not saying anything, just feeling enough in each other's presence.
"How's Iris?" I asked and Grayson sighed, shaking his head.
"She's with Matthias at the moment." He replied, not answering my question. I nodded understanding. I can't comprehend how she must be feeling, she had known Zara longer than any of us and they shared a bond that no one could ever get close to.
"God, what has this family gone through." Mumbled Grayson and I agreed with him.
"I'm glad you guys are still here with me." I said looking at both of them and they nodded, bringing me in closer to our hug.
Please God, don't let this family suffer anymore. Please keep my brothers safe and everyone else in this household.
A/N:
Happy New Years Eve everyone! 2020 has been crazy and I'm glad we've all gotten through it. I wish everyone well.
I hope you guys enjoyed and stay safe!
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Until then