Guys... I'm just going to warn you that there are MANY FEELS in this chapter.
I'm sorry in advance if this breaks you.
I actually got depressed writing this, that's why it took forever for an update... But thanks for being patient and please read.
I was listening to Vogel Im Käfig while typing this... The song that plays when Eren's mother dies...
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Levi for Christmas
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Reluctant. Levi was reluctant to move from his spot. He stared blankly, his eyes empty of any emotion. He was sure he was somewhere between depression and suicidal. What had it been...? A week? Two? Levi lost count after the third day. Time seemed to drag its heels, endless… forever… And there was no way to tell time in this forsaken prison.
Blood, it was mostly dry now, covered his wrists. His shackles had caused them. Levi was tired of them holding him back, holding in place, holding him down… Keeping him here, trapped, with no way out… He had thought about breaking his wrists so that he could take off his shackles… But he didn’t have the strength to do it… He wasn’t motivated like he had been the first couple of days staying here. He wasn’t as eager to escape… He felt weak. He couldn’t move much. He was always tired.
Fate, was a word that Levi had come in terms with. Everyday Shitwin made it his objective to remind Levi that… Eren wasn’t coming for him… That he was staying… That Levi belonged to him… And at first Levi would argue with Erwin… But after several beatings, Levi learned to keep his mouth shut. Another thing that Erwin made appoint to tell Levi was that he always won. Win, was in his name… (Er-win). No matter how hard Levi fought, the result was constantly the same. Erwin had the upper hand. He always did. He would never let Levi win. He wouldn’t let him escape… Erwin wouldn’t let him out of his cage… It was to the point that Levi hardly got off of his bed other than to clean, bath, or model for Erwin.
Depression. Levi found himself in a slump. He wasn’t really ambitious to escape anymore. He wasn’t motivate… Eren won’t come for me… The thought had basically been beaten into Levi by now. The bruises on his face, his arms, torso… all of his bruises could vouch for him. But despite being unmotivated, Levi still filmed himself almost every night… He thought his efforts were for naught nevertheless… it was his only beacon of hope, even though he knew he would be able to escape. Levi frowned as he pulled his wings around his body. He was tired… Maybe that was because he hardly had time to sleep. Actually, it was more like he couldn’t sleep. Maybe it was because he was stressed, he didn’t know.
Cold. Levi was shaking in his bed. The feathers on his wings were falling off… Levi briefly wondered if he was getting sick or something, but he didn’t really care… He’d rather die than live here any longer. He found himself getting thinner than he already was because he ate less. Levi had been slowly starving himself, hoping that maybe one day this torture would stop. There had been several times throughout staying captive here that Levi thought about… ending it all however Levi never had the chance to try.
Terrified. Levi was utterly terrified of what Erwin might do. He knew that the bastard was up to no good. This was probably another reason why Levi couldn’t sleep. He was afraid Erwin would come for him while he was asleep and he would be even more defenseless. Levi was terrified that Erwin would beat him… That he would hurt him more… That Erwin would rape him like he did when Levi was trapped by the crazy scientists. He knew that Erwin would… It was just a matter of when. And when was coming a lot sooner than Levi wanted it to happen. It was in a week… no maybe a couple days perhaps?
Christmas. That was the dreaded day. The holiday that was supposed to be festive and bring hope and happiness… Levi was wondering if he would have his happiness back… He wondered if Erwin would be merciful… That he wouldn’t make Levi bleed like the first time he raped him in the crazy scientists’ cages… Back when Levi was free, he had learned of this holiday called Christmas. Levi went out and had spent his money to get Eren a gift… Guess it was a waste of time considering Eren wasn’t ever coming… He also couldn’t give it to Eren anyway… And Levi probably wouldn’t live long enough to even get out of his cage.
Dirty. Filthy. Disgusted… Levi felt all of those thing right now… Ever since the first day he came here Erwin had forced Levi to wear the same shirt… Every. Fucking. Day… Sure Erwin would ask if Levi would want it clean, of fucking course he did however… He didn’t know if Erwin would give him something to wear afterwards… He had made it clear that he wouldn’t walk around naked… But like that mattered to Erwin… Sometimes… Levi wondered… If he had just given up… If he would just accept Erwin’s demands… Would he be this broken? Would he be in this much pain? Would Erwin not have beaten him up those countless times..? And more importantly, would he be free right now?
Why hasn’t Eren saved me yet? Did you leave me? Do you not care for me? Did you care at all? Levi found himself doubting. He doubted himself. He doubted Eren. He doubted Hanji. He doubt if he would ever be free again…
Beep! The sound of the basement alarm went off. It was the sound that told Levi that Erwin would be coming down the stairs. It was the sound that Levi had unfortunately gotten used to. The noise was probably also engraves into his mind. He was so used to it that he didn’t even flinch anymore. Levi watched with tired eyes as Erwin descended the stairs. With him, he had a plate of what Levi assumed would be his meal. Levi didn’t really feel hungry. Food made him feel sick…
“You need to eat, Levi, otherwise you’ll starve to death and I’m not going to let that happen…” Levi watched Erwin unlock the cage door. He made a sound of displeasure as he stood at the cage door. “Levi come here and grab your plate. You need to get up. Sitting in bed all day is not healthy.” Neither is imprisoning me here yet you still do it anyway… Levi thought but didn’t dare say it. He knew that Erwin would probably slap him or something. He gazed over at Erwin and then the plate in his hand. As much as he hated to admit it, Levi wanted to die… Although he didn’t want to die here… “Levi…” Erwin said in a warning tone. Levi’s wings perked slightly as they gave a little flap. He knew he should get up now or suffer the consequences.
As Levi got up, he immediately felt lightheaded. He wobbled slightly as he approached Erwin. His shackles felt almost like heavy weights as he dragged them. He knew that he was weaker than when he first came nonetheless he somehow still had some strength in him. Levi was still confused if he really should give up or not. But it was hopeless, so why was he still trying? Levi called it instinct. It had never been wrong. He could only hope that it wasn’t. However, he was beginning to think that his instincts were finally wrong. His depression was getting the better of him by now… If his instincts were wrong then Levi just assumed he would die. That was the only other way out. He made his way to Erwin, taking the glass plate into his hands. He flinched as Erwin suddenly reached out and grabbed his wrist.
“I want that plate to be empty by the time I get back… do I make myself clear?” Erwin’s eyes were sharp as they stared down into Levi’s. The command in Erwin’s voice was prominent. Punishment would happen if Levi didn’t complete this simple task. Levi nodded enough to let Erwin know that he understood. As soon as Levi made his way back to his bed he heard Erwin closing the cage door behind him. Levi sat on his bed as he watched Erwin disappear. He looked down at his plate and sighed. There was no silverware. How the fuck am I supposed to eat this? Bastard. Levi grimaced. He felt like he was legitimately an animal in a cage and Erwin was just keeping him here. And that wasn’t even the worst part…
Pills… Levi could see the residue of crushed pills. If it was medicine, Levi wasn’t sure but one thing he did know was that Erwin would beat him if he didn’t eat this. He really didn’t want to eat… He wasn’t hungry…. The fact that some pill, or pills, was crushed into his food didn’t make Levi feel any better. It made him feel even more like a sick animal… Like Erwin was trying to nurse him back to health… It made Levi feel disgusting and sick to his stomach.
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Vomit. Levi stared down the floor. He couldn’t help it if he tried. The food didn’t sit well at all. He was surprised that he was able to keep it down that long… Maybe, what, four hours? Levi wondered what the fuck Erwin was doing because the vomit that was on the floor was making him nauseous. He felt like he was going to vomit again. Luckily, it was all on the floor. Somehow Levi had managed to save his bed. He looked at the vomit in disgust and then at his plate… His glass plate… Levi swallowed slowly. It was glass… and glass shatters… And Levi could use the glass… to end it all…
Getting off his bed, Levi acted on impulse. He took the plate, staring at it momentarily and silently thanking the flat glass, before smashing it into the solid ground. There was a load cracking sound that echoed throughout the basement. The plate had broken into serval big pieces, the rest was all little shards. Levi was lucky enough to have a piece that was in the shape of an acute triangle… a perfect dagger… Levi picked up the perfect piece of glass. It was decently sharp. Levi could actually feel the corner of his lips pull up.
After a quick, careful clean of the broken glass, Levi moved the pile under his bed. He saved the dagger shard, placing it under his pillow. That dagger would either be the end or beginning… Despite being depressed, weak, suicidal… Levi couldn’t help but to hope… That he could at least use the glass on Erwin… Even if that meant Erwin would him afterwards. Levi wouldn’t mind dying if that meant he would have Erwin’s blood on his hands. All he had to do was lure Shitwin into his cage…
The alarm suddenly sounded causing Levi to jump slightly. He climbed into the bed quickly. Levi hid the shard under his pillow right before Erwin came into view. Levi acted as if nothing had happened since Erwin left, who knows how long ago… Levi watched as Erwin made his way quickly to the cage, as if he was in a hurry. Levi watched Shitwin open up the cage door, he stood there for a moment in the doorway before entering the cage. Levi watched as Erwin’s eyes darted towards the floor where the vomit was… Fuck… Erwin’s expression soured quicker than Levi could blink. Levi immediately scooted back onto the bed, bringing his knees up to his chest and his wings folding around his body. He stiffened as Erwin approached the bed.
“Why is there vomit on my floor?”
Levi didn’t know why, but he couldn’t stop himself from shaking slightly. He mentally cursed himself for being weak… “I… I threw up because I wasn’t feeling well…” That wasn’t a lie at least. Levi watched, as he peaked out from his wings, he saw Erwin raise his hand… And Levi knew Erwin was going to hit him. Levi covered his face with his hands and before he could stop himself he said, “I’m sorry.” Levi flinched, waiting for Erwin to hit him. Except the hit never came… Levi peaked out again to see Shitwin’s eyebrows furrowed.
“I believe you Levi.” Erwin said as he sat along the side of the bed. This was unsettling for Levi for two reasons… One, Erwin was getting closer… Which meant Levi could use his dagger… And secondly, Levi just got the chills from Shitwin… and that could mean nothing good… Levi’s instinct was always right… Erwin was not up to any good, then again when was he ever? “Move your wings out of the way.” Erwin said without much command in his voice. It was a different tone. A tone that made Levi’s stomach twist. He felt like vomiting again. He reluctantly moved his wings so that they were folded behind him, like a pillow against the wall.
What came next made Levi want to cut off Erwin’s hands. He saw the longing stare in Erwin’s eyes. The way Erwin moved his hand slowly, gently, up Levi’s bare leg bared the sign. Levi moved his leg away enough to stop Erwin’s hand from trailing up his thigh. Sick. Unconsciously, Levi pulled the shirt Erwin had given him down nervously. “What are you…doing?” Levi already knew what Erwin was trying to do… He didn’t even know why he asked.
Erwin seemed to ignore Levi’s question as he looked Levi dead in the eye, “Where’s the plate I gave you, Levi..? You know, the glass plate…”
Levi bit his lip. He had to be careful when answering this question… It could mean the fail or success of his plan. “…It broke…”
“And how did the plate break, Levi?”
“When I vomited… I got out of bed… and it fell onto the floor.” Levi pulled his legs closer, he hoped that Erwin couldn’t tell that he was lying. He hoped that Erwin wouldn’t hit him.
There was a hum that came from Erwin, “So where is the broken plate?”
Fuck… “It’s under the bed…” Levi mumbled and then he cleverly added, “I knew you’d be upset… and since I couldn’t properly clean it up, I put the shards under my bed. I didn’t want to cut my feet when I walked… So that’s what I did…” Levi swallowed slowly. If there was anything Levi learned from Erwin, it was that he hated when Levi sassed him and he hated when Levi would lie. Thus, Levi hoped what he said sounded honest and truthful… Although, part of it was true. What idiot wants to walk on glass? “You can even check if you want… It’s near the foot of the bed… Your feet are near it…”
Sure enough, Erwin leaned forward slightly as he peered under the bed. He made a hum of acknowledgement. When his head turned back to Levi his expression was somewhat softer. “Besides vomiting, do you feel any better?”
Hesitating, Levi eyed Erwin suspiciously although he did have to admit he did feel slightly better… He shrugged, “Yeah… I guess I do feel better…”
“Good that means the medicine is working.” Erwin said as his hand brushed through his blond slick backed locks. Levi honestly felt awkward right now. Erwin was like a light switch sometimes. On, when he was violent and off, when he was casual. And maybe… Just maybe… If Erwin wasn’t shit crazy and hadn’t kidnapped Levi, he wouldn’t be too bad to be around. Levi watched as something flash through Erwin’s eyes.
Levi blinked.
And blinked again.
Once more.
And Erwin was on top of Levi with his legs between Levi’s.
Levi thought he was hallucinating.
And Levi was scared.
His heart raced.
He felt like he couldn’t move.
In fact he was frozen in place after Erwin pressed his lips to his. Levi could hear a faint tearing sound and when Levi blinked again, he realized that Erwin was cutting his shirt open.
Everything happened all at once.
Levi screamed.
“Erwin! You motherfucker! Get off of me!” He pushed Erwin with all his might. So that dreaded day was coming a lot faster than Levi anticipated… It was here and now. This reminded his of all those awful times in his original cage. All those times Erwin had raped him before. Levi felt he blood boil. Yes he was scared but his adrenaline was coursing through his veins one million miles a minute. Erwin was using Levi’s shackles to prevent him from moving. All too soon Levi found his hands nearly over his head as Erwin pulled on the chains, forcing his hands up. Levi shook his body violently. This was not happening. Not today. Not ever again.
“Levi… If you don’t fucking hold still… I will introduce you to a whole new level of pain…” Erwin’s tone was deadly and threatening. Levi knew that he had two choices right now… He could either submit… Or he could fight back.
“Pain? Really Shitwin? You know what. Fuck you and your shitty eye brows. I fucking hate you.” Levi spat with venom. “And you mean the pain you’ve already inflicted? You already took me away from Eren. The man I love. Tell me Shitwin, what the fuck could possibly be worse than what I’ve already had to endure?”
Now that Levi had stirred the pot, he could see Erwin boil over. Levi had crossed several lines all at once. If Levi lived for another second pass his beating, no, torture… He would be surprised. “Just remember…” Erwin hissed, “You asked for this.” And then, much to Levi’s horror, Erwin’s free hand moved past Levi’s arm and onto his white wing.
It took Levi a second to realize what Erwin was going to do. He realized it too late. He couldn’t stop Erwin as-
CRACK!
Levi’s eyes widened in absolute shock.
Pain. A horrible spike of pain. Pain that shot through him like a bullet.
His nerves went haywire all over.
Levi was in utter agony as he let out a silent scream.
Erwin had…
He broke my wing! Indeed. Erwin had pushed Levi’s wing backwards, hard enough to cause it snap. The wing twitch on its own accord as some of the bones protruded out of the skin. Blood dripped right into the feathers causing the once beautiful white wing to turn stained and bloody.
Levi couldn’t stop the tears from falling if he tried. His whole body shook from the pain. It was unbearable. A kind of pain that made Levi want to die.
And just like his wing, something inside Levi snapped as well. “I’ll kill you, Shitwin.” Levi trembled as breathed, “I will fucking kill you.” With the new adrenaline coursing through him, Levi yanked one of his hands from Erwin’s grip causing him to release the chain of his shackle. Levi reached under his pillow. The shard was still there. He grabbed the shard, pulling it out and lurching at Erwin. The sorry bastard caught Levi by the wrist and Levi cursed, pushing harder than before.
Blood. It dripped landing on Levi’s cheek. While he didn’t hit Erwin where he wanted, he still cut him fairly deep. Levi watched as Erwin pulled back, clutching his arm right over his right bicep. Levi used this opportunity to push Erwin off of him and the bed. Erwin stumbled slightly and for once, Levi was glad he didn’t clean because when Erwin tried to gain his balance, he slipped over Levi’s own vomit and fell. There was a loud clang sound as Erwin fell.
Levi didn’t move for a moment. He was waiting for Erwin to get back up, but he didn’t. Levi got out of his bed slowly, holding his broken wing close so that it wouldn’t break more than it already was. He was slightly dizzy as he did so. He glanced over at Erwin again. It didn’t look like he was breathing…
Escape. This was his change. It was now or never. Levi reached under his pillow, grabbing the camera he had been using. He bit his lip as he looked over at Erwin… He needed to get the keys from him… Levi slowly crouched down next to Erwin and pat him down. There was a glint in the corner of his eyes which caught his attention. Levi frowned as he realized that the keys were outside of the cage… Levi immediately lunged himself at the bars, reaching for the keys that were just out of his reach… He felt so weak. He couldn’t reach the keys…
He was going to die here… With Erwin of all people.
And then something clicked in Levi’s mind. My wing… He turned his body, angling his back just so it would fit through the bars. He extended his black wing. Yes… Levi was going to get it…
No… Just as soon as Levi was sure he’d be able to get the keys, the loop that held them together was caught on the fucking carpet… Levi needed something to hook in on… Something that could reach that far… Levi glanced around his cage. There wasn’t anything he could use…
Except…
Levi shook his head at the thought… But he’d have to do it. Levi looked at his broken wing. The bone that was protruding out of the skin would work well… Levi knew that this was going to be painful. He turned his body again, this time he stuck his broken wing out. Levi closed his eyes and bit his lip as he gripped the bars. It hurts… He opened his eyes. He tried to guide his wing where he wanted it to go. Levi’s wing shook almost violently as it extended. He felt like his wing was going to fall off. The blood from his wing tainted the carpet as he brushed against it. He whimpered, wiping away a tear that he didn’t know had fallen, as his wing touched the cold metal. Levi steadied his wing the best he could. He was thankful that he was able to get the loop off on the first try. Levi hurriedly grabbed the keys.
Now it was the moment of truth. Levi stuck what he thought would be the right key into the keyhole and… His shackle clicked and opened. Levi rubbed his now free wrist. His scabs were sensitive. He did the same with the rest of his shackles.
Levi was free. He was free! With nothing to restrain him, Levi opened the cage door. He held his wing and his camera close to his body. He made his way to the stairs and ascended them quickly as he could. Once he reached the top of the stairs he opened the door and the alarm went off like usual. The alarm was louder. It made his ears ring. He opened the door and found himself in a hallway. There were two ways to go… Left or right? Levi settled for going right.
Levi came across two doors. Again one was to the left and one was to the right. He peered in the room to the left, it was a dining room and then he peered to the right, it was a library. Levi huffed in irritation as he continued down the hall. He then came to an open area. There was a kitchen… and to the far right was a door. Levi looked at the door and past it. The glass allowed him to peer out to see that it was snowing outside.
There was no way he could walk out there with bare feet… Although it was very convenient to see that there were boots right next to the door, they were Erwin’s. His feet were gigantic. They’ll have to do… Levi wanted to get out of here as soon as possible. He shoved his feet into the boots and tied them as quickly as he could. Levi hesitated as he grabbed the handle of the sliding door. He knew that it was going to be bitterly cold out there… Where would he go? He had no idea where he was… He just knew that anywhere would be better than this place.
“And where do you think you’re going?” Levi froze and swallowed slowly. He blinked several times before turning his head. “Speak.” Erwin commanded as he pointed his gun straight at Levi’s forehead.
“I’m getting out of this prison… Even if that means I die trying.”
There was a nasty smirk that made its way to Erwin’s face, he cocked his gun as he placed a finger on the trigger. “Then you better start running… I’ll even give you a five second head start… You better hope I miss, Levi.” He paused, “Five… Four…”
Levi gasped as he pulled the sliding door open forcibly. He wrapped his wings around his body as the cold nipped at his skin.
“Three… Two…”
The snow was doing its job at slowing Levi down. He grunted in pain as he suddenly lost his balance. He fell into the snow. I don’t want to die… I don’t want to die… Not when I’m this close to freedom… Levi picked himself up again just as he heard Erwin voice carry through the snowy wind…
“One.” BANG! A bullet buzzed right passed his white wing.
Levi ran as fast as he could. He was almost in the woods. He could hide in the trees… If only he could just reach them…
BANG! A bullet buzzed right past his ear.
I don’t want to die…
BANG!
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So I'm just going to ask... xD
If Erwin was to die, would you be happy? If so, how would you like him to die?
Call me sadistic but I want to know. Go ahead with vivid details of how you want it to happen~
And I'm not saying he will or won't, but if he does, I wanted to hear your thoughts :)
Please comment.