Dedicated to VineethaBose
Chapter 5: Run Away
Hughie realized that I was taken aback with what I heard. It took me seconds before my brain processed everything.
Anger slowly filled my chest. I clenched my fists.
"Are you okay?" Hughie asked worriedly. "Who is Aron Tiffin?"
"I don't want to talk about it," I said angrily. I turned my back against them and started walking towards room 108. My steps were fast, not minding the other tourists I met along the way. I feel that my face is hot because of the anger consuming me.
I want to know what they're doing there. I want to see it with my own eyes so that I will know where I stand. If Mew doesn't like me, I would accept it. But he should at least say it directly to me. He has to say it outrightly. So that I wouldn't look stupid fighting for something that I obviously has no chance in winning. I can accept defeat, but I cannot accept being played.
Hughie chased me.
"Where do you think you're going?" He held my wrist but I immediately removed his grip. "Don't tell me you will go to the room?"
I did not dare answer him and just continued walking.
What am I supposed to think? My husband is in a room with someone at eleven in the evening. I am pretty much certain that they are not playing chess! Nor are they playing poker!
Hughie blocked my way which made me stop. His handsome face was serious.
I pushed him out of my way but he did not even budge. His body is obviously bigger than mine and he's a bit taller too.
"Move aside," I ordered, gritting my teeth.
But he did not move. His face remained serious.
"I Said move fucking aside!" I screamed. My voice resonated in the silent corridors.
"Fine!" he shouted. "But don't blame me later and say that I didn't try to stop you!"
After that, he finally moved out of my way. I walked past him determined to go to the room.
"You don't have to do that Gulf. Save some dignity for yourself!" I heard him say it from behind. His voice was now concerned and calm.
Save some dignity? For what? To allow myself to continue being fooled? Is that it? I have dignity but I look stupid?
His words just added flame to the fire. I got even angrier. I don't even know him. How dare he speak those words to me?
I was already far from him because he already gave up in stopping me so I had to speak louder so he'd hear me. "You don't have a say on what I should do! You are not my boyfriend! And I don't give a fuck about you! I don't even know you!"
But after those words escape my mouth, I immediately realized how harsh it was.
He was only trying to protect me. He's just trying to be good to me.
"Woah! Okay! Do what you fucking want! I'm done!"
I stopped. I don't know but the anger I was feeling earlier slowly drifted away and was replaced by sadness.
Maybe he's right? Maybe I should save some dignity for myself? Maybe I'll look even more stupid and dumb if I choose to make a scene there?
I faced Hughie's direction but he was already gone.
But I also came to think. What if this is my chance to finally realize everything? That I only need to see it for myself to realize that someone like Mew is not worth fighting for? That our marriage is not worth a try at all?
I resumed walking but slowed down when I reached the room.
Will I be able to take it? To see Mew on a bed with someone on top of him that's not me? I even never had the chance to be on top of him yet. The sex on the yacht was our first time.
In the end, I realized that I wasn't ready yet. I am not yet ready to witness that. I am not yet ready to be slapped by the truth that Mew doesn't want to be with me.
So instead of opening the room to be confronted by the cruel truth, I chose to just return to our room.
It was empty. I climbed on the bed and tried so hard to stop myself from crying.
But I failed. My tears came rushing down my eyes. I cried. I cried so hard. I cried fpr hours.
My chest felt so heavy it almost felt like I was carrying all the problems in the world.
I hugged the other pillow that was supposed to be his. It made me cry harder.
Is love really this painful? Why is it all pain? Why isn't there happiness? And why am I the only one suffering?
After crying for hours, I calmed down finally. But the heaviness inside me did not even depreciate. The sadness was there the whole time.
It was 2 AM when I heard the door opened. I tried to pretend that I was sleeping.
God knows how much I want to ask him. I want to ask him so bad. To test him, at least. Will he tell me the truth now that I caught him? Or will he just lie?
Fear consumed me so I chose to stay quiet.
My back was against him. I did it on purpose so he wouldn't see my swollen eyes.
I felt him lie down on the other side of the bed. A few seconds later, I felt him hug me from behind.
I let him do it. I let him think that I did not wake up and find out that he went out and was gone for a few hours to meet his ex. I let him think that I am still blind with all his cheating.
Until when can I take this?
---
The following day, I woke up late. Mew was already done taking a bath and was now working on something with his laptop.
"Good morning, sleepyhead," he greeted.
I guess he slept comfortably? Unlike me?
"Morning." I faked a smile and pretended that nothing happened last night.
"You slept for too long. But I remember you sleeping early last night?" he wondered.
Idiot! I was up all night crying because of you!
"Maybe just tired with the travel," I pointed out. "Have you eaten breakfast?"
"Not yet. I was waiting for you to wake up. We can just have brunch since it's almost lunch."
"Hmm, okay. I'll just take a shower."
"Can I join you?" he asked playfully.
Did he not have enough sex with his ex last night in Aron's room?
"I can't right now. I'm starving," I said shyly. I was careful not to make him feel like I didn't want it. I did not want him to feel like I was depriving him of that.
I guess I should just try again in being a good husband?
"You can eat me," he said seriously.
"Stop it Mew. Isn't our island hopping this afternoon?" I asked, changing the topic.
"It was supposed to be this morning but you overslept. We have no choice but to take the afternoon tour."
"I see. I'm sorry." I'm sorry if I was up all night crying myself to sleep thinking how you were having a good time fucking someone else. I'm sorry if I was crying because of you.
I went to the bathroom to take a shower.
After our silent brunch at the restaurant, I took the chance to prepare the stuffs I will need for the island hopping. And because I'm not only a martyr but a good husband as well, I volunteered to prepare his stuffs too.
I did not see Hughie at the restaurant earlier. Where is that guy? I still have to apologize to him about my attitude last night and thank him for somehow convincing me to save myself from embarrassment and not make a scene.
At least my relationship with Mew is still intact and we can still try to enjoy our honeymoon. Or will I really enjoy the rest of it?
It was thirty minutes past twelve when Mew told me that he has to be somewhere. I let him. Our boat will leave by 1 so he still has time to do so.
I did not dare ask him because I already know where he's going.
I sighed in disbelief.
Instead of allowing myself to overthink while waiting for him in our room, I decided to just scroll through Instagram to divert my attention.
I am excited for the island hopping because I really want to take Instagrammable photos.
My scrolling was interrupted when I received a direct message from Mild, my closest friend in the Philippines. He was also at our wedding. I just did not have the time to interact with him because I was consumed by the sadness I was feeling.
I opened the message.
MildAyuso: How is your honeymoon? Don't tell me you and Mew don't go out of the room anymore? Can you still walk? I hope you guys are also enjoying the whole island!
I sighed. If only you know, Mild. If only you know.
I typed for a reply.
GulfChandler: We're fine. Stop asking. HAHAHA. It's a secret.
I took a selfie with me showing my middle finger.
He immediately sent a photo doing the same.
My conversation with him went on. I even sent him photos of the beach I took while I was having brunch with Mew.
It was already 12:50 but Mew isn't back yet. I wore my sunglasses to protect my eyes from the extra bright sun. I decided to leave the room and just wait for him by the beach. I sent him a text.
Gulf Chandler: I'm already at the beach. I'll wait for you here. The boat is about to leave.
After I hit the send button, a tour guide approached me. "Will you be joining the tour?" he asked.
"Yes. But I'm still waiting for someone."
"The boat will leave soon. We can't wait for you since there are also other tourists who will be joining the tour." he said before scratching his head in shyness.
"Can we wait for just ten minutes? He'll be arriving anytime soon," I requested.
Where the hell is he?
"Okay. I guess the others can wait for ten more minutes."
But ten minutes passed and still no sign of Mew.
I let out a deep sigh. The tour guide approached me for the second time.
"I'm sorry, but we can't wait any longer," he declared.
I glanced inside the restaurant, hoping that he was there. But he wasn't. Still no sign of my husband.
Mew once again failed me. I don't know if I can still continue doing this.
My eyes saw Hughie. An idea came into my head.
"Wait. We'll join the tour," I said to the guy before running towards the restaurant.
I approached Hughie who raised an eyebrow when he noticed me.
I smiled at him.
"I know this sounds crazy, but will you run away with me?"