HEARTS•
"Jisung, Why did you leave suddenly?"
Hyunjin questioned the younger after they went outside specifically the back of the building. Orange streetlights lighting up the road ahead.
"What did you wanted me to do then?" Jisung answered as he put down the bottle of liquor he just drank.
"You left nothing, you said nothing, no warning at all."
"You could've at least said something- it felt too- did I even matter?"
"Let's not fucking kid ourselves." Jisung hissed.
Hyunjin flinched at Jisung's tone.
"Don't do this." The blonde snarled he never heard Jisung like this, jaw tensing mad.
"I could say the same, Hyunjin but i didn't. Don't start it."
"We're not friends, Hyunjin. We're not anything right now. I'm just trying to get along for this test."
It may be the alcohol in him talking but Jisung isn't clearly drunk enough, to forget what's happened between him and Hyunjin.
"I don't want anything to with you. I don't want your explanations.- or your apology. I'm not asking you for anything but just dance and pass the stupid fucking test." He told Hyunjin with all the spite he can infuse into his tone, who's watching him down the bottle of beer recklessly.
Jisung's voice is like a rain in the storm, it grumbled heavily like a thunder in the clouds, his face clouded like gray skies. Intense and cold.
"I don't owe you any explanation for leaving." Jisung pursed his cherry lips.
Jisung looked manic.
"You should thank me for leaving you two alone, Jinnie." Jisung laughed heartily as he tried to finish the drink, holding it down when he can't, frowning on it and Hyunjin stared at him silently.
"Don't call me that." Hyunjin tearing up, Hyunjin knows what he has done, true, the 'two' of them really went well after he's gone. Guilt is already eating him up inside for what he has done, Jisung didn't deserve every ounce of that betrayal. Ever since meeting Jisung again, He's emotions welled up.
He knows it himself.
At the very least, Jisung finally spoke honestly.
He deserved every bit of anger Jisung has for him.
"Mmmmmmh...right.'' Jisung continuously drink his beer and let the liquid burn and seep into his throat. As he finished it, Jisung suddenly threw the bottle behind Hyunjin, shattering into many broken pieces. The action clearly surprised and scared Hyunjin as he gasped in tears when the bottle passed by him before it slammed on the concrete into pieces.
"Jinnie~" Jisung chimed, it's scary how he can mimick himself, the calm cute and needy self in the middle of beer stained thoughts and madness.
"You know what you fucking did!" Jisung yelled, growling.
Earlier, Hyunjin never actually thought he'll get no hostility. But the moment he entered with Jisung, their classmates, the one's partnered up with both Felix and Minho was there too, saving him from the awkwardness this gathering holds.
Whenever it's Jisung, he always finds it hard to say no, but in all honesty he is actually curious as to how or what the celebration is, How Jisung is and the people around him, It might've been an unhealthy habit he developed, but it's truly a relief that Jisung seemed very happy.
"Hyunjin!'' Chae, Felix's partner yelled, with Ryujin chiming in right after.
"Oh, are you two really friends now?'' Changbin chimed in as the two entered, Hyunjin bowed and followed Jisung from behind. Everyone's eyes turned to them.
"Shut up, Bin.'' Jisung scoffed and Sana along with Felix came closer and asked him to go to the office with both of them. Jisung nodded at Hyunjin and goes with his work buddies.
"Don't mind them.'' Jisung playfully said to Hyunjin as he went with Felix to the room at the corner. Changbin just scoffed as he passed by Hyunjin and went for the door.
Sana and Momo are both their secretaries from Felix's family and has been helping and had been their representatives for meetings ever since.
I.N. and his friends, Yedam waved and bowed. Chan still in front of his laptop, leaned back and swirled his chair, raising his hands as a greeting for Hyunjin.
Minho stoods up and goes to the cooler, opening a bottle of beer and hands it to Hyunjin
"Here, enjoy it while you're here.''
Hyunjin grabbed the cold bottle and leaned in the couch beside Minho who offered him the drink, following him.
"Do you like Jisung?''
Minho stared sternly followed by the furrowing of brows at the sudden question Hyunjin before answering.
"What kind of question is that? Were past that point, Hwang." Minho squeaked and crouched laughing out loud.
"It's none of your business.'' Minho smirked, handing out the pizza box to Hyunjin urging him to grab one.
"I care about him.'' Hyunjin didn't notice he's already half the bottle in just one gulp.
"Whatever screws your bolts.'' Minho rolled his eyes.
"Even if you really do, It's none of your business still.'' Minho added biting his pizza and Hyunjin grabs one.
"You know, I'm picking on you, right?"
"Yeah."
"It's gonna get worse, Hyunjin. And it's not gonna be me." Minho says.
"What do you mean by that?"
"Take it as a warning. Beware." Minho sing-songs.
Hyunjin sighed, Is it that hard to answer a question directly. They'll never get along so it seems, that the conversation they're having will not go anywhere. He wondered. He doesn't even know why this man is entertaining him despite their dry talk. Everybody is saying the same thing.
Soon they all gathered together in a circle and played games and share little stories of what or how they do. It's your common party activity, socializing, Everyone soon got comfortable. To the point where Jisung is sitting in front of Minho, legs wrapped around him. Uno games, Jenga and other sorts of games stacked in there, they played almost everything with silly punishments and money bets.
They even have made up coupons written in post it's as vouchers for one another. silly, 30% discounts, vacations stays, free pass of 1 hate sentence. you name it.
It was past midnight when the girls all went home together and the boys just fell asleep wherever. Changbin and Felix just disappeared, while Chan went and took the younger ones home.
Minho and Jisung fell asleep peacefully on the couch on each other's arms. Hyunjin got startled as he finally heard the ringtone from his phone. He caught a glimpse of the two. They looked good together.
Missed calls all from his boyfriend.
He ran out of the room hurriedly to the bathroom, washed his face, he's flushed red, hurriedly called the contact with "puppy'' on it.
It picked up after a few rings.
3 am.
"Puppy, hey, hey, I was preoccupied earlier. And I kinda fell asleep, the people kind off had a little celebration and I can't say no.''
"How difficult does sending a little message is?'' Hyunjin can hear the sobbing on the other side.
"While I'm here waiting and worrying, you're out there, doing what?"
"Hey, hey, honey, I love you. I'll be home in a few, sweets. Please, Don't cry. It's nothing to worry about.''
"Are you drunk?'' Seungmin obviously noticed how stuffy his voice is.
"I'm not drunk,- but I did drink.''
The phone hanged up.
"Shit-" Hyunjin cursed as went back inside and goes straight to the cooler and grabbed more alcohol. He's exhausted. Jisung soon got startled at the subtle noises and thumping. Hyunjin isn't opening the bottles that aggressively though but it did create a lot of noise.
He just wants to drink right now.
"Hyunjin...''
"Jinnie?" The blonde sat up and rubbed his eyes.
He can hear his old bestfriend's voice, calling him out just like he did before with his nickname, just like how it sounded back then at such similar situation. His tone mixed in with worry and comfort. It sounded like a warm blanket in a cold evening. Laced And he'll crumble down at that voice whenever he was asked "What's wrong?"
Jisung has been his safe place before. before-
"You're still drinking? Has something happened?'' Jisung perked up, puffed swollen and yawning. Jisung, over the years, knows that look. Hyunjin fought all the reflex in his body that's holding his last straw of dignity. He's not gonna break down on his ex.
"No, I just woke up and felt like drinking a few more.'' Hyunjin then went back to the sofa he's sitting on earlier and took a couple of sips and then drank as if there's not tomorrow.
Liar
"Okay...? You're not really a good liar, Let me have one too. Just for company. It's not nice to drink alone.'' Jisung said with all the facts and watched Hyunjin drink relentlessly, he turned for a second, kissed Minho's forehead and got up to the fridge. Hyunjin watched the scene that used to be him and lumps formed at his throat, puckering his lips stained with alcohol in disdain.
Jisung kisses him day and night, asleep or awake. all the time.
"I'll go home after this. Just two more bottles.'' Hyunjin looking at the bottle, swirling the content.
"Okay, tell me when and I'll get you a cab.'' Jisung popped his beer open and added a few more bottles in Hyunjin's line up of drinks who loved the idea, Jisung then asked for a cheers with Hyunjin, who lazily smiled, bumping their bottles and both took a gulp of the cold beer.
"Oh, Jinnie, you haven't changed at all, did you even tell Minnie where you are?" Jisung rubs his hands on his forehead, whining.
"You know you don't have to keep things from him, Seungmin takes thing better than I was." Jisung reprimanded like he does as his bestfriend, like old times. And he was right.
Hyunjin sniffled constantly and is finishing up his bottles faster than Jisung, the two bottles he promised became four, five and so on, they didn't talk, they just sit there and drink, clicking bottles every now and then. It's strange given their history.
Soon, Hyunjin held up a post-it that he won earlier, and Jisung sighed, exasperated at the sight of it.
"Now?"
Hyunjin nodded.
"Hyunjin, You're drunk. Let's not.''
"I've been meaning to talk to you the moment I saw you again.''
"I was so surprised. Please, Sungie.'' Hyunjin slurred his words but kept drinking and pausing every now and then, he doesn't know if Jisung's listening as he gets no response.
He saw Jisung visibly winced at the nickname. God
"You know, I've been searching for you.''
Jisung just silently drinks his beer across him.
Jisung thought he left for good. He has no intentions of reconnecting, He wants to deny every bit of Hyunjin but fate is not really cooperating.It has been a stressful start of his school life this semester because of him.
"Alright. Get your things.'' Jisung suddenly said as he drank and got up the couch, grabbing the note written ''heart to heart talk.'' from Hyunjin hands.
"Let's go.'' Jisung told Hyunjin as he drank his beer and stomped his way, wobbly.
Jisung helped Hyunjin take his bag and getting a couple more beers for courage, escorting him outside the doorway and they went down out the building itself.
And now we're caught up. Back to the dark alley, shattered glasses scattered on the floor that Hyunjin hoped no one heard, the two stood across each other.
"Y-You.... You cheated on me. Jinnie.'' His voice trembled. The hatred and the same scornful eyes he was met with that time on the bathroom returned.
Jisung tried his best. Pain. Jisung ran his hands through this hair. As if he is resisting some sort of excruciating headache and broke into airy sobs, and put up all efforts to halt the waterworks. Crouching and getting back up to get some feeling on his knees.
Hyunjin looked down and sideways after he watched Jisung hyperventilate, not knowing what to do. He used to regulate his breakdowns before, but now that he is the reason? He could never alleviate the suffering of the other.
Jisung started hitting his own arms and thighs, a habit he developed way before to cope with distress. It hurts to see Jisung do it. Everytime. Jisung starts hitting his arms repeatedly and shakes off his head.
"Okay, fine. hmmm..."
Confusing as it is, Jisung stumbled collecting himself after the silence and just reached for Hyunjin's hand.
Holding it tenderly despite the violence he inflicted on himself. Jisung restrained himself from the action, but ended up grabbing the hands, rubbed their fingers altogether, looking everywhere around but the tall blonde. He let out a breath as they locked their hands.
"Babe." Jisung exhaled and closed his eyes as he called out in pain and gasping. His voice quivering.
Relief washes over Hyunjin, heaving a mouthful of air as he threatened to sob, on the contrary of Jisung's jagged breathing and silent anger, the boy clasped into Hyunjin's hand, crying mournfully. Hyunjin blinked rapidly cupping his mouth to ease the sobs , escaping his lungs.
Hyunjin's lips trembled, his chest tightening, it's suddenly getting harder to breathe as he finally look to Jisung's messy face. The touch was warm, It was every bit of Jisung's love.
Hyunjin broke down and fell into his feet, crouching upon his past lover's touch. Still connected with their hands, intertwined. Finally breaking and falling apart in which he held in so long.
Jisung.
"Sung." Hyunjin whined pitifully. "Jisungie." Dropping on the floor on his knees, He grabbed the hand who's holding his with both of his own and pulled them closer into his forehead and cried on it, nose and lips brushing on the boys hands. The very same hands he held the longest as if he's praying for forgiveness.
This made Jisung whimper in his cries. In reverie, He heard Jisung talk in between his heavy sobs.
"...I lost you, didn't I?'' Jisung finally forced out the words from his lungs. Uttering the words gave him so much headache, he's becoming dizzy through it. Jisung's shoulder bounced matching his cries.
"I...fucking lost you."
They both cried out. "I'm sorry. Sungie." Hyunjin bawled his eyes out over the hands he's holding close."My sungie, I'm sorry, darling."
"I'm really sorry." Hyunjin held onto Jisung'shands keeping it in his cheeks and forehead, shaking his head, kneeling.
"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry."
Jisung blamed himself. Hyunjin knew the younger will, eventually and it's not okay, even now.
"Mmyou were..m-my...ev..erything...Hyunjin. God, Hyunjin.'' Jisung slurred his words with the sound of cries coming from him and the man who's uncontrollably sobbing down on his hand.
Hyunjin tried composing himself, suddenly standing straight up, grabbed his beer as he wiped his tears with constant sobbing, drinking it and then proceeds to touch Jisung's cheeks frantically with both his hands, forcing thw tounger to look at him.
"Sungie, would you look at me for a while, please.''
''Nngno- N-no. mhhI l-loved you so so m-much... But you...'' The other fought and covered his eyes with both his arms as he cried.
"Please, look at me." Hyunjin's hands shooked as he searched for Jisung's eyes. Trying to make the boy meet his eyes.
"No, I hate y-you."
"I hate you so fucking much."
"I'm really sorry, Sungie.'' Hyunjins cried trying to appease the other.
"I'm sorry.''
"I'm sorry" Hyunjin wiped Jisung's tears with his hands, connecting their foreheads.
"...No, I-It's not fair." Jisung whined and cried out weakly as he balled his fists and repeatedly hit Hyunjin's chests with little to no strength at all, as Hyunjin held him. Hyunjin accepted those beatings that doesn't even have much force in it, but every strike of it.
Nothing. Nothing can be compared as to how heavy it is.
Hyunjin took deep breaths, gazing up and closed his eyes.
"I-"
Hyunjin tried to find his words.
"I couldn't tell you,-It broke my heart to even imagine s-saying in front of y-you, darling-
"I-I just can't do it. T-To you? But yeah, I did.
"
"You were my- love. But- There was a but."
"There are these times that-" Hyunjin couldn't form his sentences.
I should be happy but I'm not."
"I was miserable with you. And I denied it to myself and you."
Jisung shakes his head in his crying fit. Hyunjin tried to tell Jisung.
"Sungie, I-I don't know why or when it happened, and it hurts so bad. I would look at you and you'll tell me that you love and there were times that I couldn't say it back-" Hyunjin shook his head.
Jisung whimpered looking down as Hyunjin held his head up. He can't do this. He thought he already dealt with it, But it felt so fresh and the pain is still like how it was back then. It's crushing his heart all over again. Minho is absolutely right. Hyunjin did what he did, because he just doesn't love him anymore.
"Times where I should feel special, where I should feel jumpy waking up beside you, but l... but-'' Hyunjin choked at his sentences as he tried to calm Jisung down, wiping his tears every know and then and just held him close and hoped that he'll hear him out. Jisung just cried harder.
Mumbling " I hate you..." Every chance he gets.
No, it doesn't justify what he did but Jisung at least should know.
"It became difficult day by day, Sungie. I-I couldn't.''
"A-And it's not something we can fix.''
"I-is that why? You started shutting me away, you pull away, you can barely kiss me- I thought it was something I did? " Jisung wailed, reliving the memories of Hyunjin looking at him as if he was being forced-
"E-even so, If- that was the case?..." Jinnie...." He weakly whined like a kid Jisung just cried out even more. There really is nothing he can do if Hyunjin himself isn't there anymore. Hyunjin held Jisung tighter, as the other struggled.
"I never thought, you'd do something like that to me.'' Jisung broke free and furrowed his brows and clenched his teeth, hand behind his head and shook his head in disagreement.
"You...could've just told me that you don't love me anymore.''
don't love me anymore.
Jisung grew weaker as he spew out the words but heir sobs isn't growing any weaker.
"If you we're hurting, you could've just told me. Of course, it'll not be easy,-
but-but this isn't any easier, Hyun.'' He sobbed, Jisung's voice is hoarse as he pushes Hyunjin but the other just tried to hold out to him tight.
"I'd never wanted you to hurt like that, Hyun, I'd be more willing to let you go than cause you pain...I'm supposed t-to be...'' Jisung struggled breaking out of Hyunjin as he grew weaker.
"I would never want that for you, Hyunjin-ah." He whined. " I'd rather take that you don't love me anymore- t-than you-
"I would've let you go than see you hurt like that but why?" Helpless whines, complaints about something that already pass them by.
"I don't like you being hurt didn't I?" Jisung said it into his face.
Hyunjin pouted in hearing Jisung's words and he stopped trying to get ahold of Jisung as he realized the words...
Instead Jisung was the one who moved closer and held him. Look him in the eyes, "Jinnie, it's really simple, You just didn't love me and that would've been, okay."
"If you told me, I would've accepted it. Sure, I'll have a broken heart, but that fine by me."
He's been hurting for long before Seungmin came.
"I'd do anything for you, If you told me to stay away or leave, I would if it's for you're comfort,Hyunjin. But I didn't even know, Darling? What am I even supposed to do." Jisung continues.
"I was there back then to love you, and if that isn't something you can't accept any longer, then- then- why didn't you just say so?"
Jisung bit his lips as more tears rolled from his eyes.
He endured it. Hyunjin clung on every hope that maybe he's just mistaken, he doesn't truly want to lose Jisung.
"How long have you held it like that, huh?! Why? Are you that dumb? You're so fucking stupid at times it's excruciating.'' Jisung yelled at him, this time Jisung the one who made him look at him, both sobbing and the latter hugged the taller and rested his head on Hyunjin's shoulders.
Jisung, his remorse, died down as his weakness for the other come thru, Hyunjin might've been suffering alone long before he knew it.
"Why are you so dumb?" Jisung held hyunjin's head to make him look at him and slaps his forehead, just like he always do when Hyunjin does questionable things.
"I can't just leave you alone. I don't want you all by yourself.'' Hyunjin's voice croaked. He worried a lot and didn't know how he'd break it off.
Jisung released Hyunjin from his grasps and bent over, seemingly tired, holding his head all down.
"No, Hyunjinnie, No." Jisung mumbled.
"I just can't leave you not like that. Sungie.'' He raised his shaking hands and lifted Jisung's face so they can meet eye to eye as he told him.
Hyunjin knew it's already a disaster the moment he started to realize he doesn't want Jisung anymore. Knowing Jisung, Hyunjin knows he'll not be able to take another heartbreak, and realizing that it was inevitable the moment Hyunjin felt no more for Jisung. He can't face it , and it ate him up inside.
"But like this?"
"Hyune..." Jisung whined, bouncing in his cries.
"Leave me? That's a load of crap...Hyunjin-ah.'' Jisung frowned in frustration stomped his feet and moved away but Hyunjin held on his hand.
Jisung was shaking violently as he cried even more upon hearing the words that doesn't seemed right for him. If Hyunjin really cared, just why didn't he broke up, finding someone new, he's eventually gonna leave him.
"Sungie, you're doing it again. Not again.'' Hyunjin whined in the same frustrations.
Jisung doesn't have anyone else, Hyunjin's conscience for not being able to feel the same way for Jisung anymore ate him even more during those times. They grew with each other. Explored through one another. It's not bullshit.
"What did I even do? Hyunjin, You'll eventually leave just as the same. I don't need your pity. Is it too harsh? Well, Hyunjin this is the harsh truth.'' Jisung whined back at Hyunjin, his head low, tilting his head side to side in defeat as Hyunjin released him while still holding his hand.
The two men cried.
Hyunjin wants to say it back, that it wasn't pity at all, no.
Hyunjin was just like back then, He just stood there in silence as if he doesn't want to talk anymore, shutting down and giving up. Like he used to in their fights, as if he can't say anything, it's as if Jisung didn't care to listen.
Yet, there's Jisung wondering, what he did so bad, for Hyunjin to just leave it like that, like it doesn't even matter.
It's became a moment of silence and constant sobs.
"I've done something again? Fuck this, Hyunjin. I hurt you again with these silly words of mine." Jisung put his hand in his head vexed at Hyunjin's display of familiar behavior. "Hyunjin, I could at least be mad- take it. You know you can."
It takes him back at those peak times where he doesn't understand Hyunjin. He thought they're fine. Jisung is fretting even more at the pace, that this very conversation was just like how they fought before and it didn't change.
The silence helped though.
Looking at both their clasped hands. Hyunjin clings dearly to Jisung's.
It's gone. right?
"It doesn't really matter anymore, does it?'' Jisung tucked his lips, wiping his mess of a face, tried his hardest and continued in a much clearer and still voice now. He now wanted to focus on better things from now on, not their past.
There's nothing to mend.
Nothing to clear up.
There should be nothing left by now.
"You're happy now, right? with Seungmin and everything else, yeah?''
Jisung asked, with a bitter smile, his face all wet. Hyunjin wiped his tears and felt a pang in his chest as he realized the words that came out of Jisung.
Right, It doesn't matter anymore, really.
Jisung spoke out in his almost gone voice as he rubs his thumbs on the other's cheeks. Hyunjin finally saw to other's eyes as Jisung looked at him, finally seeing eye to eye that they reached an understanding, Hyunjin stifled his whimpers and pouted.
Hyunjin loved him. He loved him so much too.
Jisung just smiled weakly seeing Hyunjin pout while crying. He still pouts a lot when upset. Hyunjin took deep breaths, closing his eyes, rubbing his cheeks against the other's hand and holding it closer in his cheeks, it's very warm, it always is.
Jisung let out a faint chuckle while crying. He's so cute, His brows furrowed and lips pursed.
"My Jinnie is happy now, right? Is he taling care of you? I know he is. You're just stubborn." Jisung sighed.
right.
Listening to those words he thought he'd never hear. Hyunjin thought that Jisung looked beautiful as ever. It was both acceptance and loss. Jisung's touches which had been empty back then now felt so full.
Hyunjin just slowly nodded as an answer. "I am, Sungie."
The other winced again at the reply, crying even more, Jisung's shoulder and hands dropping on his sides at Hyunjin's answer. Hyunjin cried even more seeing Jisung crouched on the floor and wail with his reply.
"Damn, baby, you're still the best in making me feel alive, I don't have to hurt myself because you do it so well." Jisung laughing-crying.
Hyunjin is happy.
Sungie, Hyune is extremely happy
He let his past lover have his breakdown.
Hyunjin slowly reached in, pulling Jisung up not letting him sunk on the floor any longer and cupped his cheeks, wiping the tears as he took a moment to pause. Ghosting over one another.
"Then can we stop?"
Hyunjin leaned closer asking for a kiss. It calmed Jisung for a bit, confused, The tips of their noses touched and Jisung brushed a few strands of Hyunjin's hair and tucked it behind his ears. "Really?" Jisung whispers. "Can I? I need you right now, just this once, Please, Jisung?" Foreheads touching again as he gave his permission with a simple whisper of "We can. Come." Jisung says in a daze that sent cold shivers to all of Hyunjin core as Jisung's hand trickled on Hyunjin's neck as he dove in Jisung's lips.
For the last time.
A closure, he hoped.
"Did you miss me?" Jisung asks in the heat of the moment as he traversed Hyunjin's collarbone.
"I did." Breathless, Hyunjin says back.
"I'm starting to think you have a thing, for cheating, babe." Jisung got a whiff of Hwang Hyunjin's beer stained scent, as he slowly kissed him. The tall blonde hummed.
"Hmmm...mm-no..." Hyunjin's tears streamed down his face as Jisung kisses him back, their lips moulding as it already fitted one another few years back. It took them home, back to their house on one long night, back to when Jisung would wake up in nightmares, to when Hyunjin passed on high honors, maybe- This is the acknowledgement they both needed.
God, Jisung's tasteful lips.
"I just didn't get to love you, one last time. Because you left without warning. I would've wanted to at least..."
"Excuses.
Hyunjin pulled Jisung closer and the other hugged tighter, sharing a long passionate kiss. They would and always leave each other breathless.
Baby, you're so beautiful
"Hmmm.-hmmm." Both humming and almost singing as they shared their lips.
All the memories and times they shared, were felt. The time they played in the seas and water, they hiked and leave the town for another.
In the way Jisung's hands runs through Hyunjin's spine and skin inside his shirt felt so familiar, moaning at every contact in between, the nostalgia it brings was tantalizing. They would tell stories and share thoughts of marrying each other, get a dog, a kid or two.
"Sung..."
"Hyun."
They broke the kiss and stared longingly at each other's eyes, tightening their embrace.
"I shouldn't." Hyunjin bit his lips.
"One more." But Jisung caught him once more.
The birthdays where Jisung was emotional as Hyunjin would surprise and celebrate with him, because he felt unfair for surviving, and into Hyunjin getting surprised because Jisung would throw him parties at every little achievement. They danced, at prom, they danced on the living room on the radio songs.
Baked cakes and apple pies on lazy weekends. Jisung would jump on him for a kiss everytime Hyunjin comes home late. They've rolled down the hills as kids, bathe in rivers and on tub when Jisung got fired. He remembered the frilly skirt Jisung wore on a valentine. Hyunjin setting up an easter egg hunt just for Jisung within their house.
They kissed until their lips burned, It tickled them just like it always do, the small giggles in between they both let out was just like how it was and the only difference is they're now both drenched in tears. Every touch was tingly and hungry.
It might be the alcohol but they both know it wasn't. They've been drunk before, and it wasn't like this.
Hyunjin and Jisung laughed in between kisses a certain happiness and longing sparked on it as Hyunjin lifted Jisung atop the crate and Jisung went for Hyunjin's neck and cheeks as he wrapped his hands around Hyunjin, Hyunjin fumbling on Jisung's shirt, constantly moaning and carded his hands through his now bleached hair while the other made his way to Jisung's clavicle and chest with his other hand tracking down the younger's waist, skin and back.
They made out as if it's their first, it's fulfilling and greedy, constantly breathless but Jisung soon pulled away, pushing Hyunjin away with force as he returned the bite in the lips Hyunjin gave him.
And they stopped.
They looked at each other spiraling, they both slowed down upon the realization, tasting the hint of blood in their mouths.
Hyunjin licked his lips and looked sideways. Jisung just gave Hyunjin a small smile as Hyunjin looked at him longingly then looked down contemplating with his hands on his waists.
"You still got it." Jisung could not stop his tears. Thankfully, it was less aggressive. Hyunjin went closer once again and tried wiping his tears, coaxing him down. Jisung just gave Hyunjin pats on his shoulder and looked away as he threw another crying fit.
"Of course. I've always been good at it."
That kiss was everything.
Everything left of what they have.
"You're still a crybaby, I thought you fully changed?'' Hyunjin gently said as he used his sleeves patting his past lover's eyes and cheeks dry.
Hyunjin tried his hardest to lighten the mood. Hyunjin saw how Jisung grew and matured already, he felt sad that the growth happened when he's not around. He grew too, when Jisung's not around, He's not brash anymore.
"I was always like this, I didn't change one bit, what are you even saying?'' Jisung retorted as they lightly held each other with Hyunjin continuously wiping Jisung tears, looking up on the boy atop the crate.
"Just give me a moment. Can we stay like this for awhile? I need to give you a hug before I let you go.'' Jisung held Hyunjin's hands, Hyunjin let the other cry more as they locked fingers, Jisung's touches felt so different this time, It honestly was just like their first years together, Hyunjin hugged Jisung closer and repeatedly mumbled his overdue apologies, in hopes to comfort the other but this just caused Jisung to cry more even though he responded with head pats to Hyunjin. "I'm sorry, Sung."
"I'm sorry too. Hyun."
This is what he meant with he can't just leave him back then, Jisung is too fragile, maybe not that much anymore, but he's much more... back then.
"I loved you so much.'' Jisung's smile was upside down, uttering with a sense of loss and sadness in his voice. It felt like needles stinging on his Hyunjin's chest.
"I loved you too.'' He said looking up. Hwang Hyunjin's phone rang as he told Jisung. It deafened their ears.
He can hear the other rest his head on the wall, it's time, Yeah? Releasing Hyunjin from his grasps, Jisung let out a deep breath.
"Go now, Seungmin must be waiting. Take care of him, Hyunjin." Jisung says.
"Yeah, right, he's gonna kill me."
"We're now over. Long overdue but I'm now breaking up with you. Goodluck.''
"God, you beat me to it." Hyunjin dusts himself up and wipes his face, with Jisung helping him, fix himself.
"Fuck you, Hwang, I am dumping you, It was Han Jisung, who dumped you."
"Yeah, right. I officially got dumped by Han Jisung because I am a prick." Hyunjin squeezed Jisung's hands giggling, as he hurriedly went and pulled away leaving Jisung behind to answer his phone.
"Bye!" Jisung waves his hands and bids him goodbye.
Hyunjin runs away and his shadow fades, turning back to yell, "Bye!"
"The cab is at the corner!"
"Yeah, I know, Bye!"
"Bye!"
They exchanged bye until Hyunjin said his last goodbye, rolling the cab's window.
▪︎▪︎▪︎♡
Stay.
____________________________
A/N:
dealing with emotions is such a work-
what an eventful chap.