35 – Andrea and Selena
'I acted like it wasn''t a big deal, when really it was breaking my heart.'
– Anon.
~*~
The first time Selena Gomez made her way into our life, I didn't put so much thought about it. I just brushed it off knowing there really wasn't a great difference from Justin's used to be girls and her. All I ever thought was that he was in his era of rebelling. He was just mad that not a single person could tame that heart of his.
I was so damn wrong.
Selena had this massive impact that I should've stopped even before it began. I should've never agreed from the start. Because now here we all are, trapped in this deep hole we're digging ourselves from.
As soon as I made my way into the living room, my sight immediately fixated to the brunette girl who was sitting across the couch while looking at a small frame beside the table --- the picture Justin and I took when we went to the carnival. A moment of spare happiness.
I cleared my throat which caused her to turn around and face me. She seemed a little bit caught off guard at first but that was soon gone as she clenched her teeth and composed herself.
"Nice picture." Selena stated sourly.
My lips formed into a thin line. "Thanks."
"Nice house too." The sarcasm in her tone was still evident.
"Well Justin and I deserves the best." I shot back. I watched as her hands formed into tight fists.
"What do you want from me?" She countered. "I have so many things to do. I don't have all the time in the world."
I trekked my way towards her as I took a seat on the couch next to her. "About our deal. I thought I told you to give me four months. I still have few weeks."
She scoffed. "You can't honestly expect me to just sit around and watch." That's what I did! I wanted to shout at her but I remained my composure. I can't expect her to be that generous.
"Actually that's what I want---"
"I'm not going to sit around anymore and let you or your bastard of a father ruin my life! You don't get to order me around!"
"Don't you dare call my dad like that!" I warned her.
"Why not?! If it wasn't for him Justin would've still be mine! He would've still be so damn madly in love with me!"
"It was your fvcking choice!" I couldn't help it anymore. I know this talk isn't going to be easy. "At the end of the day, you let your coward self ruled you! If you did love him so much then you shouldn't let my dad or anyone tell ---"
"You think it was that easy?! Every night! Every fvcking night! God knows how much I... regret that... decision." She broke into sobs. I exhaled sharply as I looked away. "You don't know how much h-hurt---"
"Hurt? I don't know hurt?" I gave her a mock laugh as tears were threatening to fall from my eyes. "You Selena. You don't know how much hurt I was! I am his wife! For fvck's sake we're married!" She was crying but didn't dare to disrupt my ramblings. "Do you know how worthless I felt when he would ditch me just because of you? Do you know how much pain it was when he would smile at you like you were the best damn thing that has ever happened to him? Do you know how hurt I was when he brought you as his date and not me?! His wife!? I should be the one wrapped around his arms, shouldn't I?! I should be his...other half right?" I pursed my lips, preventing it from quivering when tears spilled from my eyes. "You don't know how much I told myself... to hold on, to be strong, when all I ever want is to let go because I deserve the love I ought to have Selena."
"But you said..." She trailed off.
I brushed the tears away. "Justin loved you Selena. So much."
"T-then...let h-him go." She whispered.
I closed my eyes tightly. "No one can tell me what to do and what not to do. That's the difference between us."
"I'm sick Andrea." She cried. I opened my eyes in a swift as I stared at her.
Can sickness be the reason for a person to stay? Would you let one stay because of pity feelings?
"What does that has to do with anything?"
She sobbed in hysterics. It seems she's the type of person who can't control or bottle up her feelings. "I need Justin."
I gritted my teeth.
What about me?! You don't think I don't need Justin?
That's selfishness Andrea! You've been selfish before, are you freaking going to do it again?
"Is Justin your doctor?" I countered.
"I n-need him. You d-don't u-understand."
I stood up from my seat. "Give me my few weeks Selena."
She stared at me and stood up as well. "B-but..."
"You can go now." I said.
"A-andi---"
I glared at her. "Don't you dare call me that."
She pursed her lips as she descended her way towards me. "Please. Andrea."
"Selena---" I started but I was in for too much shock as she kneeled down before me. I felt my mouth fell ajar. "W-what in the world are you doing?! G-get the fvck up!"
"Please Andrea. P...please." She was crying in hurt as she pleaded. I, sometimes, maybe a bitch but I was a bitch with a heart. I gritted my teeth.
"Are you taking away your pride just for Justin?"
"I-I don't care. Just give J-j-justin to me. Please."
"Stand up Selena."
"Andrea. Please."
I can't take it anymore. I grab a hold of her shoulders as I pulled her up with me. "Don't you ever kneel down on me or to anyone for fvck's sake!"
I can't believe I just said that to her, out of all people! I should not care! She should kneel down on me! I should feel so damn superior! Selena is begging! I should be so damn thrilled about that!
Fuck it. I can't! I know I fucking can't.
Seeing her this desperate, I can't help not to see myself in her. She looked so lost. So lost that she drowned herself into loving Justin too much. She can't find herself anymore.
Did I also look the same? In the eyes of Stephen? Scarlet? Jacques? My dad?
I gazed away from Selena's puffy red eyes.
Why...why do we need to suffer this much just because we love someone?
"Do you hear yourself right now?" I started. "You sound too desperate. It's pathetic."
"I l-love Justin. I can't let h-him go." She said in between sobs.
As slowly as I pulled my grip from her arms, realization hit me like a ton of bricks. Maybe I'd known it so well but just like I'd always been, I just shrugged it off, deciding to bury it deep at the back of my mind. It's something I had always denied about myself. But looking at Selena right now, the truth was shaking inside of me.
I was in her shoes too.
Yet, we fought differently.
I pursed my lips and stared at her. She's beautiful; no wonder Justin fell in love with her. "You can't lose yourself just because you found Justin, Selena. It's not... healthy. People should grow into the best person as they should alongside with the one they love. Not...like this. Not like when you look so lost. That's not how love should be."
That's right. You can't lose yourself just because you found that person. That's not how love supposed to be.
Isn't it Andrea?
"Andrea. I... I'm---" Selena trailed off.
"You should go. I'll be having a visitor soon."
She didn't say anything. She just kept on sobbing and sobbing until she took her bag with her. She rummaged through her belongings and took something out --- a paper. She then grabbed my hand and placed it there.
"W-we both need him." She whispered before walking away. My eyebrows furrowed at the paper and her statement. At first I thought what she meant was, she and I both needed Justin. That for a second there, she also knew I was sick. But damn, I thought wrong.
As I opened the paper, or rather the document, I felt my breathing stopped. It's like every part of my body decided to stop working. I lost all my strength. My knees began to tremble that I took a seat on our couch for balance. My hands were shaking, crumpling the paper that was in my hand.
"If you're going to be a bitch at least kick your husband's mistress out. Literally." I heard a new voice stated from my behind. If I was in a lot of strength right now, I would counter her back but no, I couldn't even move an inch. "Hello? Aren't you going to welcome your cousin?" Aruella appeared before me with a smirk on her face. "Surpri---" She stopped as soon as she saw me. Her eyebrows furrowed. "What's wrong Andi?" I would've recorded that question of hers since her tone was filled with sincerity that I could not believe it. But I was too broken to speak. "Andi?"
Tears were silently streaming down from my eyes as I couldn't help but to remember what I had read.
"Andi? What's wrong? Hey."
I met Aruella's hazel eyes. "She's pregnant." I whispered brokenly.
Everything. Everything was beginning to blur. Again.
~*~