ALL OR NOTHING (CHONI) - Revised Version

Chapter 12: Just Us, For Now

"You're not staying in here? With me?"

Toni anxiously bit her inner mouth. "I'm good, it's fine. And uh... Since you weren't able to buy your stuff tonight, maybe you could tomorrow?"

Cheryl nodded. "Yeah, same thought."

"Cool. Go ahead, I'll be in the kitchen."

Toni rushed to the kitchen and locked the cabinet next to the pantry room. It wasn't for anything kitchen-related but her investigation tools and files; including Jason's. Good thing she wasn't keeping it in her bedroom. After, she took the kit from the upper cupboard to clean her leg puncture. She walked into the bathroom, just by the kitchen, for convenience. 

After she did her leg, time to clean the small cuts on her back. She removed her top and bra, and twisted her upper body a little to check on them through the mirror. She was trying reach for this certain area on her back to apply the cream when she accidentally hit the glass on the sink and it fell, broken on the floor. 

"Ah, shit." She rolled her eyes, bending over. When she was picking the pieces of glasses off the ground, she heard stomps coming closer. Then, the door opened. "Cheryl?" She immediately took her shirt to cover her front. "What are you..."

"I heard the—" Cheryl's eyes caught a sight on the mirror; Toni's scuffed back. She walked in and traced her back with her fingers, gently downwards, until she flinched a little. "Sorry. Give me the cotton, I'll do it."

"I'm sorry, I woke you." Toni handed the cotton ball and cream to her. "Didn't mean to make a mess."

"You should've called me to help you. I didn't think of it as bad as this."

"You know what happened to me?"

Cheryl sighed. "Veronica kept me updated. I asked for details as soon as I heard about your accident... What were you doing there anyway?"

"Thought of breathing... Ridiculous."

Cheryl kept quiet and continued applying the cream on every cut Toni's back had. Then she threw it in the bin. "You're good now... Though, you might need a gauze."

Toni nodded. "Actually, yeah. I have in the kit."

"Alright." Cheryl did the remaining work for a few minutes. When Toni turned around to face her, she just stared at her. She could see her lips moving, talking about something, but she couldn't hear it. Then, she felt her arm being held. "Uh, what?"

"I'm... thanking you for helping me... Are you okay?"

Cheryl tiredly exhaled. "Honest answer... No. I've never been okay."

"Wanna talk about it?"

[couch]

Cheryl waited for Toni to change her clothes. She arrived a few minutes later.

"So... go on. Talk about it."

Cheryl's fingers fiddled on her lap. She was uncomfortable of opening up, but she ended up giving it a go. "It's just... Toni, why do I feel like this everyday? I have everything I want, but why do I still feel lonely? It's just hard to ask for help or to reach out to anyone because... I'm afraid that they'd think of me just, you know, wanting attention? It's like, 'hey listen to me, my life's fucked up and I want your attention'."

Toni kept quiet and let her continue.

"I have what so-called friends, but are they really my friends? I basically don't have a squad, you know what I mean? I feel confident outside the house and in school, but then when I go home, it's just me and my boring life. My parents are always out, Nana's most of the time sleep or by the garden, meditating, and what about me? There isn't thrill. I wanna explore things, in and out of the city, but... alone? That doesn't sound fun, right?" She looked at Toni with teary eyes. "I know I'm a bitch, but... Is there something wrong with me?"

Toni scooted closer and held her anxious hands. "There's nothing wrong with you... I get what you feel and I want to let you know that you're not alone. Others feel the same all the time, so don't you ever think that you're dealing with this by yourself. Have you talked to, maybe, Veronica, about this?"

Cheryl shook her head. "They won't understand because she has Betty and Archie. Also, Kevin... I'm basically an outsider."

"Well, you have me, right?" Toni faintly smiled. "I know we've had arguments that came out unreasonably odd, but you still got me... You're strong, Cheryl. Remember that. Don't let negative thoughts consume you. You're more than what you think, okay?"

Finally, Cheryl's eyes let their tears fall down. Soft and sparkling with gloom. "Thank you... This meant a lot, Toni... I appreciate it so much."

"Come here, give me a hug." Toni initiated the gesture, warmly. "Oop. Not too tight. It stings."

Cheryl softly chuckled against her neck.

12:15 AM

After watching a movie, they settled in the bed to rest their body down. Sharing the small space with an indefinite distance, Toni remained awoke as opposed to Cheryl whose limbs were emotionally drained to be quickly asleep.

Toni carefully sat up and glanced at Cheryl with that same look in the eyes; pure and scared. She knew, soon enough, she was going to break her heart. And worse, ruin her life. The intent to seek for justice was still in her, but at what cost? Losing this person's trust and maybe—it all being chaos.

Gazing softly at the girl who was soundly sleeping, Toni thought, "I love you, Cheryl. Forgive me, but this is also for you. I promise, I'll give your brother justice."

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