BE[LIE]VE

frightening but safe

It hits me again .
3 until 4 am feelings .
The feeling of emptiness .
I'm not gonna lie, it's frightening .
You know what kind of thoughts I have when the feeling hits me ?
"It's okay if I kill myself ."
"It doesn't hurt if I harm myself ."
"No ones gonna miss me anyways ."
All I feel is numb .
Everything is numb that I don't even care if I'm bleeding .
Everything is numb that I feel like suicide is the only answer .
I feel so empty that I push people away from me .
I feel so empty that I don't allow people to approach me .
Because it's overwhelming .
I don't wanna live in the past but I don't wanna live in the future either .
People who are with me until now reminds me of my past .
People who are just about to get in my life curious about all things .
It's suffocating .
So that's why it's better to feel empty .
It's frightening but it's safe .
At least for me .