Sea Dragon: Rise of the Lone Wolf

Memories of Suicide

In the days following his ‘awakening’, Aurelia was a constant presence in Marcus’ room. She supervised everything from his feeding to exercises. By the end of the week, he was able to eat some bits of solid food, and he could sit up, although he still felt some pain whenever did. His dreams continued to be troubled by visions of himself and his mother in different settings with some sort of danger approaching. He would always awaken just before the danger materialized. He had kept his dreams to himself, until Aurelia asked about it.

“Your dreams trouble you” She said one day as she was massaging his calf.

Marcus remained silent. Sweat was pouring from his entire body. The exercise session they had just completed was even more strenuous than the others.

“You are unable to sleep well," she contined, "and it is affecting your recovery. Soon enough, it may start to affect your mind.”

“It is already affecting my mind.” Marcus said. HIs voice was barely a whisper.

“So what is the problem?” Aurelia said. “You still aren't sure if  you are awake or if this is another dream?”

“No.” Marcus said. “I know this world is real. Or at least it is real enough.”

“So what, then? The uncertainty is the main problem for people I've worked with.” Aurelia said.

‘’No” Marcus said again.

“So what it? Why do your dreams trouble you?”

Marcus sighed.

“I committed suicide in the dreamworld. That’s how I awoke here without the help of the Dreamweaver.” he said

“It was only a dream.”

“That is the problem.” Marcus said. He sat up, ignoring the pin pricks of pain in his abdomen. “I do not believe it was just a dream. I think the dreamworld is a real world. No, don’t look at me that way. I’m not saying that Archaiea is not real, or that my memories of living and growing up in Archaiea are false. I believe that I’m in a real place now. But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t in a real place before. That other place was also real.”

“Alright.” Aurelia said slowly. “So let’s say the other place is also real. What is the problem?”

“I killed myself” Marcus whispered. He began to shake. “I killed myself, Aurelia. I thought I was killing myself. But I was killing somebody else. Somebody called Iheanyi.”

“I don’t understand.” Aurelia shook her head. “Did you kill somebody before you killed yourself?”

“No. I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.” Marcus placed his head in his hands.  “There was a person called Iheanyi before I began my dreamwalk. He had his own life, his own family, his own friends. Then I began my dreamwalk. I took over his body, possessed it or something. I don't know how it works. All his memories became mine. I experienced his world through his body. But somehow I knew the world was not mine. With every breath I took, I knew that I was in the wrong place.

“But I could not recall my own memories.  I forgot about Archaiea. I forgot about Old Archon. But I always knew that something was terribly wrong. I did not fit in. When I could not take it anymore. I killed myself. I killed Iheanyi.”

Marcus collapsed back onto the bed. He felt slightly better. At least someone else knew. Aurelia massaged his calf in silence.

“I think I understand.” She said after a while. “but this can only be true if the dream world is a real place.”

“It is.”

“And your dreams, are they dreams of when you killed yourself?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know what the dream means. I see myself… not myself, the other person. Iheanyi. He is not moving. And mother is trying to wake him up. Then something dangerous appears. Sometimes it is a wolf, sometimes a dragon or a robber. But something always comes. And then it tries to strike my other self. And I wake up just before it strikes.” Marcus began to shiver as he told the story.

“In your dream, is he dead? The other you?”

“I don’t know. He is not moving. He never moves.”

“But if he is dead, then why is the wolf attacking him?”

Marcus shook his head. He hadn’t thought of it.

“What if this person is not dead? Assuming this other place is real, maybe the person is not yet dead?”

“And the wolf?”

Aurelia shrugged. “Maybe he is about to die or something. I don’t know. I don’t interpret dreams, and I don’t believe the dreamworlds are real places. But I may be wrong. I am just a recovery-woman.”

She began to massage the other calf.

“I think you should speak to the Dreamweaver. I hear it was a Master who put you to sleep. Surely he would know if there are any real dreamworlds, as he would have walked them many many times.”

“I spoke with him about it when I first awoke.”

“You did?”

“Kinda. I told him that the other place was real too.”

“And what did he say?”

“He said that dreams were not real, and that I could be going crazy.”

“So that’s that, then.”

“No. He was hiding something. I could see it in his eyes, the way he stepped back and left the room. He was hiding something.”

“Well, you could tell your mother or your father.”

“And what will they say?”

“They can make the Dreamweaver speak. Your parents have much influence in Archaiea.”

“So I understand.” Marcus knew that his father was the Lord High Tribune, the only man in all Archaiea, whose judgments could not be reversed, who could even judge the speakers of the Committees. The most powerful man in all Archaiea, Aurelia had called him when Marcus had asked about him a couple of days ago. And yet not very powerful, she had said, for he can only adjudicate on matters brought before him by affected parties. Try as hard as he might, Marcus could not picture his father. He had dug through what memories of Archaiea he could summon, but there was none with his father. Whenever he thought of his father, there was an emptiness, like no one was there. Occasionally, his mind would go to Iheanyi’s father, but that only brought guilt.

“I think we are done for the afternoon.” Aurelia said, standing up. “I’ll be back by moonrise.” She walked out the door, leaving Marcus to contemplate whether to go to sleep.