In Your Eyes ✧ Timothée Chalamet

don't say it (bonus)

Once again I'm left confused. I don't proceed to ask him what it is he didn't do though. Because I know that either way, he's going to tell me what it is. He finally decides to look into my eyes as he speaks. 'What do you consider this?' He asks.

'This?' I repeat.

'Us? What do you consider us? Am I like a really good friend of yours or...?'

I'm not quite sure what he's getting at. So I just shrug my shoulders at him. 'I mean I guess. We got to know each other pretty well after my dad died so yeah.. I would say that we're good friends wouldn't you?'

Miles looks unhappy with my answer. 'Is that it? You don't see us as I don't know... more?' When he says this there's fear written all over his face. I can tell he regrets those words the moment they leave his mouth.

I'm not confused anymore. I know where this is going. But I didn't expect it. Not one bit. Miles was there for me. He let me cry on his shoulder. He was vulnerable with me. He told me all about what he went through as a kid. It helped me get better. He helped me get better.

I didn't think there were feelings involved. I didn't think his compliments were anything more than they should be. Just friendly compliments. But I guess I was wrong. I guess I was blind. I was so oblivious. How could I not see it? 'More?' Is all I manage to blurt out to him. 'You see us as more than friends?'

He nods his head quite quickly, which is surprising given how terrified he was a second ago. 'You don't?' He asks me.

I don't answer. I'm afraid I'll hurt him. I never once expected Miles to be this vulnerable with me. It took him so long to truly tell me the details of his horrible childhood. It took him so long to come to be about Gina's betrayal. She left him when he told her that he didn't want to run his sketchy business anymore. She called him a coward. They haven't spoken since. Miles doesn't even know where his sister is.

But it took him months to finally open up to me about it all. And now he's telling me he sees me as more than friends? How long has he felt this way? How long have I been unaware of it all? It just doesn't make sense.

'Ella I-'

'Don't.' I cry out desperately. 'Please don't.' I beg him with my eyes. Because I've been here before in this same situation. With Drew. I remember the look in his eyes before he told me he loved me. Miles wears the same terrifying expression and I just can't relive this moment all over again. It's all way too familiar for me.

I was getting better. Now I feel like I'm falling back into the same black hole I crawled out of.

'But I have to tell you this.' Miles pleads with me. I don't waste a moment shaking my head in his direction.

'Miles you know how I've been feeling lately. You know I'm not stable right now and I can't just... I can't jump into something serious with you.'

His eyebrows knit together in confusion. 'Why not?' He asks sounding pained, the crack in his voice makes me flinch all of a sudden. 'We already hang out everyday. We like all of the same things. We have similar pasts.. and- and you're the only person that gets me Ella. You're the only person that accepts me for who I am. With all of my flaws and imperfections.' He swallows hard his hand reaches out for mine, he takes it in his. 'I- I'm in love with you.. I've been in love with you for the longest time and I-'

'Miles!' my voice is loud, and powerful. I yank my hand away from his and I watch his expression change. I need him to stop this. I need him to listen to me so that things don't get way out of hand. Last time this happened I lost Drew. He killed himself because of me.