You Know He's A Keeper When He Quotes Bruno Mars

Chapter 9

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I was sitting on the beach. There was something about the way the waves looked as they crashed onto the shore, the white froth dissolving into the sand. As if they were starting over.

Seagulls were chirping - or cooing, whatever it is that seagulls do - as they swooped down so close to the sea that they were skimming it with their overweight bellies, snapping up fish as if they controlled them. I could see the slimy, shiney fins of the silver fish as they squirmed and tried to escape from the seagulls' torturous grasp, but they'd no choice. They were captured, victims, broken.

I saw his face looming in the back of my mind and I shuddered.

The beach wasn't as empty as I wanted, but I felt more alone now than ever. Children were running around and laughing but I couldn't bring myself to ignore them like I usually could. They were so loud. So loud they were ringing in my ears.

I wasn't usually a beach person. A swimming pool was more my thing. But they were all there. He could have been there. That ugly, slimy face of his...

I shuddered again.

I know I was lucky. He used his fingers. And he was caught before he could go further.

But I could remember everything now. Every tiny detail that I'd never be able to erase. The choppy, grazed knuckles against my skin; the heat of his sweat inside me; the roughness as he pushed them up too far.

I lay back on the sand, letting it soak and surround me. I was sore. I felt as though I'd been ripped, knowing I hadn't been.

"Ron," I heard a voice say. It was soft, smooth. Too nice.

I sat upright again, curling my knees into me and hugging them. I had control over myself. No one else could hurt me. I wasn't a fish like the ones those seagulls flew away with.

I felt his presence sit down beside me but I wouldn't look at him. I didn't need to.

"You can talk to me," he whispered, so quietly I was surprised I could hear him over the laughter ringing in my ears.

I nodded, watching how my usually tanned legs looked so much paler to me now.

I couldn't do this. No. I was not letting anyone else control me. No one could hurt me. I could control my own happiness. This was my life, my summer.

"Take my mind off of it," I said, trying to make my voice decisive and cheerful but it sounded monotone even to my ears.

I looked at him and smiled. It was ridiculous how he could actually make me smile.

It was the eyes. So blue. And the smirk, not a real smile but still enough to make me jutter, even now.

"I was at a concert last month," he told me and I snickered at his attempt to change conversation.

"Yeah?"

Logan nodded and looked out at the waves. He wasn't sitting far away from me, but not close enough that we were touching. "Yeah, Bruno Mars."

I raised my eyebrows. He noticed my surprise by his taste in music and put up his hands. "Hey, I never took myself for a love-song kind of guy either! But my little sister was begging to go so I brought her."

"I didn't know you've a sister," I commented, not understanding why I was so interested. Of course he had a whole life outside of here.

"There's a lot you don't know about me," he said and was looking me straight in the eye. He could've been trying to tell me something, maybe there was a message he was trying to send, but I missed it.

"Anyway, we went to the concert and I was actualy surprised. You know, Bruno Mars is pretty cool."

I shrugged. "I guess."

A moment of silence passed. I probably should have tried to make conversation. He'd tried. Now it was my turn. But this silence was good. It was comfortable. I'd thought I'd be happier sitting on the sand alone, but there was something about how I felt slightly more whole now. Company could do wonders.

"He sang this song," Logan said and I looked at him. I'd thought we'd moved on from his concert. "You know the first night you came out to the miniature golf course and all those guys got up and walked over to you?"

"They were walking to Effy," I said, like a reflex, but he pretended not to hear me.

"... And I stayed sitting. I usually wouldn't do that. If I saw a new girl, I'd be the first to walk over and make my chat-up lines. I'd have her by the end of the night."

"Charming."

"But when I saw you, I just couldn't. I was too scared. I don't know what came over me, I'm not a shy guy. But you're so different... And you were looking at me too; you know? I felt like I was stuck or something and I was . . . Like I was falling. I'm a sap, I know. But then you smiled at me - I'm not sure if you realised you were even doing it - and I felt like the whole world stopped and stared for a while. You're amazing, just the way you are."

I stared at him for a while, watching as his blush grew a deeper shade of pink, feeling my heart thump inside of me.

"Isn't that a line from one of his songs?" I grinned, and he rubbed his hand over his face. He was embarrassed, but I didn't care. I was hurt, felt broken, and somehow he managed to make me forget.

"Call me cheesy, but that song was all I could hear when I saw you," he muttered.

I smiled again, and I felt something break inside of me. Not the same way I'd felt before. An emotion. It just snapped, and my heart was racing faster and faster and the reality of everything was suddenly hitting me far too hard.

I felt him put his arm around me and I felt myself sink into him, my body shaking and twitching as I cried into his chest. He was holding me close and I could feel his heartbeat beneath my tears, louder and louder until that outbeat the children's laughter and it was engraved into my ears.

But that was okay, because the sound of his heartbeat was so much better.