I would be a fool not to love you (jakehoon)

Touch

I've had a crush on my older brother since I was little. It was around 6th grade when I just started figuring out what a crush was. I never really questioned my sexuality, I just assumed I was like everyone else. But me like me brother, it happened naturally and fit right into place. I knew that we were blood-related, knowing it was wrong but I just couldn't help it. I even asked my parents if either of us were adopted or anything of that sort but they always replied with a simple 'no'. After a long time of debating with myself, I finally believed I was just different and he was my normal. However, now that I am in high school I look at guys more than I look at girls, unlike my friends. I started to realize I was probably gay.

My parents are pretty accepting, but that does not mean I would be accepted by everyone around me. So, I keep it to myself, I don't find it necessary to tell anyone . 9th grade was when I realized that I couldn't like my brother. It was too weird. I still liked him, but I couldn't keep that up. People would probably think that I was disgusting. The only person I have told this to is my best friend, Jungwon. I knew that liking my brother wasn't normal. Sometimes I wish I was adopted so we could've had even a slight chance of being together. 

I haven't dated anyone because I don't like girls. However, the only way I can get over my brother is by falling in love with someone else. At least, that's the piece of advice Jungwon gave to me.

"Hey, come on! We're gonna be late." I heard my brother call from outside my bedroom door.

Even though he can go to school himself, he always insists on coming with me. He's a year older than me, so we both are in the same school. Sadly he's graduating next year.

"Alright, I'm coming just wait," I shouted back, as I quickly grabbed my backpack and rushed out. Unexpectedly, I bumped into him and fell on top of him.

"Hey get off me," he said irritatedly.

I quickly stood up and brushed myself off. Why was he standing so close of my dorm like he was gonna make out with it.

"Come let's go. How much longer are you going to take?" he said.

He left downstairs without saying another word. I followed behind, grabbing my backpack form the ground on the way. We were going to be late. When I stepped out, a gust of wind shot at my face. I went inside to grab my jacket, but couldn't find it. I looked around to find my brother was holding my jacket and scarf.

"How many times do I need to tell you that you forgot your jacket?!" he exclaimed.

I quickly rushed toward him and put it on.

"What about your scarf?" he asked.

"Oh sorry, can you help me put it on?" I asked with puppy eyes.

I was really bad at putting on scarves. I always made a bunch of knots. However, when Sunghoon put it on for me, it was always so cozy.

"If it weren't for me, you would be freezing by now," he said as he wrapped the scarf around me. He put his hand on the back of me, coming closer. I could feel the coldness of his hand on the back of my neck. I pulled back because of the sudden touch, almost falling back. But Sunghoon managed to catch me, around my waist. I could feel my face heating up. He just grasped my waist. No matter how many times I tell myself that it's not possible for us to be in a relationship, I keep getting flustered with these small moments.

"It's getting late," I said when I gently pushed Sunghoon away. I couldn't look him in the eyes. I just ended up running off toward the bus stop not caring for what he was doing.

Thank for reading

-iluvded

Edited