"We were so beautiful We were so tragic No other magic could ever compare Lost myself, seventeen Then you came, found me No other magic could ever compare"
Jungkook stares out the window, the rain falling softly. He runs his fingers along the keys of the dusty piano. The one lonely lamp that is giving light causes a shadow as he presses the familiar keys. 5 months has passed. 5 months of denial. 5 months of tears. How was it possible that just 2 years today they said their "I do's" in front of their best friends and promised to be together forever. What a fucking joke!
"There's a room In my heart with the memories we made Took 'em down but they're still in their frames There's no way I could ever forget, mmm"
"I love you Kook-ah." Yoongi whispered in my ear as we lay in bed. Our bodies covered in a thin layer of sweat. I smile and kiss him deeply. Biting his bottom lip asking for entry to his beautiful mouth. He whimpers as I slide my tongue in and kiss him with so much power and love. "I love you more Hyung. You taste so good." I say kissing his flushed neck. How was I supposed to know that would be the last time I would ever kiss him this way. The last time I would hear his moans and him saying my name. How was I supposed to know?
"For as long as I live and as long as I love I will never not think about you You, mmm I will never not think about you From the moment I loved, I knew you were the one And no matter what I-I do, ooh, mmm I will never not think about you"
I never thought that when Yoongi walked out the door, that I would never see him again. Or at least see him with his gummy smile and the rosy cheeks when he would get shy whenever I would tell him I loved him. My Hyung was so hard and soft at the same time. Only around me would he show his sweet soft side. Flowers just because. Sweet kisses after a long day away from each other. I stare at the photo on the piano and feel the tears betray me again. "Come back Hyung......I need you." I whimper.
"What we had only comes Once in a lifetime For the rest of mine, always compare
To the room In my heart with the memories we made Nights on fifth, in between B and A There's no way I could ever forget, mmm"
"He's gone Kook." Those three words replay over and over in my mind. "What do you mean Jin Hyung?" I asked my heart starting to pound harder in my chest. "He didn't make it Kook, the impact of the accident was to much." I remembered Jin's eyes welling up as he reached to pull me into his arms. I stumbled back. The pain in my chest was overwhelming. "NO!! My Hyung is at the studio. He will be home soon." I sobbed falling onto my knees. I could feel Taehyung hugging me from the back. He was trying to comfort me. I was shaking. The tears soaking my shirt. "He can't leave me. He promised." I sobbed into my hands.
"For as long as I live and as long as I love I will never not think about you You, mmm I will never not think about you From the moment I loved, I knew you were the one And no matter what I-I do, ooh, mmm I will never not think about you"
I swallowed the bitter drink. Loving how it made me feel numb. Making the ache go away for just a little bit. I cursed under my breath when I saw the whiskey bottle was empty. I threw it against the wall, watching it shatter, just like my heart. "Can you believe I had to watch you be buried today Hyung?" I whispered to his picture. His beautiful face smiling. "Why did you have to leave? How am I supposed to live without you?" I wiped the tears away. The anger building up inside me. "I fucking hate you Min Yoongi. Why didn't you just take me with you?" I screamed slamming my fist against the frame.
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"Didn't we have fun? Didn't we have fun, looking back? Didn't we have fun? Didn't we have fun? Didn't we have fun? Didn't we have fun, looking back? Didn't we have fun? Didn't we have fun?"
I wrap the coat tighter around me. Bouquet of purple roses in my hand. The rain finally stopped. I walked onto the wet grass. I walked to you. I took a deep breath when I got to your resting place. I closed my eyes trying to keep the tears away. "Happy Anniversary Hyung. I miss you. I miss you so much sometimes it is hard to breathe." I place the roses down and run my fingers along his name. "Will I ever be able to live without you? Please just give me a sign that you are okay, that I will be okay. I love you baby so fucking much. I started singing again, I decided I would for you. You use to love to listen to me sing." The tears started to fall. I choked them back and took a deep breath. "I will never not think about you." I walked away, the weight on my shoulders heavy. Heavy with grief.
"We were so beautiful We were so tragic No other magic could ever compare"
I started packing the last box. Today I move and try to move on with my life without my Hyung, my husband, my love. I grab the small box that I have been avoiding for now a year. A box that says "Our love", a box that Yoongi had kept to put all of the our memories. I sit on the floor and open it. A chill runs down my back. Tears fall as I see pictures, movie tickets, and things we had did throughout our relationship. I become confused when I see a black envelope with Kookie written on it. It is sealed. I open it, curious.
My dearest Jungkook,
It's 3 am and you are sound asleep. Of course my insomnia has decided to ruin my sleep, so I decided I would write you. I know silly, but you bring that out in me. I just wanted to tell you that you are my life. You mean the world to me. I can't go a day without your cute smile. The way you throw your head back when you laugh. The way you say Hyung when we make love. You are my soul. You are laying right next to me and I miss you so much. I want to hear you talk, sing, and just be happy. I wonder if anything were to happen to you if I could ever breathe the same again. You are pretty much the air I breathe. Just know that I will always love you. If we were to lose each other for some reason, just know this my love, my Kookie. "I will never not think about you." Forever and always Yoongi
I cry through my smile. The first smile in a year. It's the sign I was needing. Something to help me know that you are still here with me. I gasp when I notice the date it was written. The morning you left me. It was like you knew it needed to be said. I kiss the paper and smile. "I love you Yoongi, forever and always. I will never not think about you. So live in my heart till I stop breathing until we can finally be together again." I whisper into the air,knowing you are right here, always.
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