Seranade

1 / / Badass

People look at me and think they know me. They see my "pretty" red hair, these glowing "pretty" purple wings (when I have them out), and my "pretty" complexion, and immediately assume I'm going to just let them have their way and walk all over me.

I think fucking not.

What they don't see is that I am a badass. I have a kill streak of about 198 and counting. Make that, 199.

The human guy in front of me never stood a chance. He had measled his way into the city hall and tried to make off with the Sacred Book.

Again: I think fucking not.

A few swipes of my scythe oughta do him in. No normal human can come in and try to learn our secrets without leaving unscathed. Or dead. I take off my little golden music note shaped hairclip, and he watches in fright as it expands into a large scythe with purple gems. I feel my eyes burn with magic. He gulps, visibly shaking, and I almost feel bad for the dude.

Almost.

"Guess you better stayed fuckin' home today, my guy."

Like I said: he never stood a chance.

======

The cleanups are always the worst. Blood freaks me out, and it smells too metallic. For a killer like me, hating the smell of blood is so.... iron-ic.

Get it?

.... Forget it, I thought it was funny.

Anywho, my point is- don't judge a book by it's cover. I may look like a fragile helpless girl, but I could beat you so far into the fucking ground in a millisecond and have you begging for air. I'm not to be trifled with. I hate to flex so hard, but it's true. I'm who I am, and either get over it, stay out of my life, or be killed. No other way around it.

======

My boss is such a fucking scumbag. Every time he gives me a new project or mission, he likes to call me "doll" or "sweetpea". Makes me want to gag every time, but I'm not an idiot. He's my boss, and aside from him, I actually like my job. There are four other combat fairies like me-

Fester is a wimpy skinny guy with a knack for computers. He has immaculate aim, but never wants to be on the frontlines. I call him Noodle, cuz... I mean, he's a noodle. He looks the part too, always with a mildewy-smelling button up and never without his hiked-up pants with a belt, and don't get me started on his glasses. His oily blonde hair is always a mess too. He has stereotypical nerd written all over him. As a male fairy, he doesn't have wings. Sometimes I wonder though...

Then, there's Mastemas. He's as masculine as his name sounds- and flaunts it too. You think I like to flex? Well, he flexes on a whole new level, both physically and figuratively. He's always kinda reminded me of that one kids cartoon back in the day with the buff dude in the black shirt and sunglasses with the catchphrase "Hey mama." What was that called again? Mastemas always has on a tight shirt to show off his muscles, and shaves only the sides of his head to slick back the rest of his brown hair. You know, that hairstyle douchey guys like to have?

Geez, not ALL people who have those hairstyles are douches. Calm down.

The third other combat fairy is a bit on the mysterious side. I often confuse him with a vampire, with as much as he slinks around. Black hair, red eyes, pale skin... if not for seeing his powers I'd totally start calling him Edward. While Fester is the brains, and Mastemas is the braun, Clarynce is the strategist. He's got a keen eye and is the most tolerable of all these jackasses.

Finally, the boss himself is a combat fairy too, although he's the oldest, with wrinkles, grey hair and golden eyes that look like he's high all the time. His name is Merle, and he is more skilled at barking orders than anything else. At least I think so. None of us other four know really what his power is, just that he can't use it much anymore. I pity him, not having any of the action. More for me I guess.

Me? I have my scythe, and an affinity to magical purple fire. I've got sunset red hair and deep blue eyes. And don't forget the freckles- they are so hard to cover up. I'm a bit on the short size, only standing about 5'3''. But I can still squash anyone like a bug.

Our main goal is to protect the fairy species in any way we can. The Sacred Book that I stopped that human from stealing has all of our secrets in it, and the human city hall agreed to lock it away and signed a contract to keep their mouths shut. It's hard- we are dying out. There's like a 3-10, Female-Male ratio for fairies. The lesser females there are, the lesser the chances are that the species will continue. Which is where we come in.

But this whole thing is a pain in the ass for a female fairy like me. You don't want to know how many times I have kicked a guy fairy's ass for catcalling, harassing, touching, or even just trying to get my number. I know, i know, the last part may have been an overreaction, but the guy was like 70 years old! I don't need wrinkly, shrivelly dick in MY life, thank you very much.

I walk up to Merle's desk to report what just happened. "Another one brought down, M." I throw down the human man's file. If he wasn't trying to steal the secrets to my race's well being, I'd have thought the guy was cute. Merle sighs and taps his fingers on the mahogany, something he tends to do when concerned. "How many times is this gonna happen?" His voice is gruff, kinda like gravel on a dirt road, or like he's been smoking cancer sticks his whole life. "It's the 15th time."

Mastemas pipes up from his desk close by, his voice high pitched for the type of build he's got. "I stopped a man on the train trying to stab a fairy too." Merle growls and gets up, pacing behind his old worn-down office chair. "This is troubling, group. We need to track whoever is behind this NOW!" He is royally pissed off. If I didn't know better I'd think that noticeable vein in his temple may pop.

Suddenly, Noodle comes rushing through the door, laptop in hand. He unceremoniously trips over his dirty shoelaces, barely catching himself, before scuffling over and forcibly putting the laptop on Merle's desk. "Uh, isn't that expensive?" I ask. Noodle, visibly sweating and shaking, shakes his head. "Forget about that! Sir, look at this forum I hacked!" He scrolls through a normal and unsuspicious web page. Anyone at a first glance would think it's a normal chat forum. Merle raises his brow to urge the poor noodle to continue.

"Look what they are talking about!" He lands on a couple messages in particular.

Night: Has the job been done?
Helios: No, the package was not picked up. The shipper ran into an accident en route.
Night: Proceed with plan apple.

...Wow, these guys really need work on their lingo. Merle looks deep in thought for a moment, before pointing at the laptop. "Fester, pinpoint the location of this 'Night' character. I have a feeling it's just an alias. Sera, Mastemas, and Clarynce, as soon as he gets a location, locate and subdue Night and bring him in for questioning." Everyone nods, while I just smirk and crack my knuckles. If we question this person and they have no answers, they'll be useless. That means...

I'm about to get my 200th kill.