Christian Grey, a reclusive workaholic, and Mary Horowitz, an eccentric crossword puzzler with a dark secret, meet and fall in love. All the while a mysterious cryptid terrorizes the locals of Boston.
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"Okay just because I'm single doesn't mean I can't go on a couples cruise!" Mary complains to her best friend, Minecraft Steve.
"You should get a boyfriend!" Minecraft exclaims.
"Yes I know I couldn't afford a cruise, it's a hypothetical my friend^3." Mary retorts.
"You should get a boyfriend." Minecraft concedes, a hint of melancholy in his voice.
"Can we just go to Waffle House? I'm fucking hungy brosef." Mary complains.
"You should get a boyfriend" Minecraft chimes in agreement.
The duo walk down the narrow, cobblestone streets of Boston, eyeing the displays of jewelry and mint condition Yu-Gi-Oh! GX volumes in the stores that line the road to their destination. Upon arriving at Waffle House, Minecraft takes his crocs off and flips the handy strap, successfully converting to sport mode. Mary, who is dressed in her usual Panera hat and apron, instantly beams toward the bar, in a manner only an unbound electron floating through the void to join his seven siblings in the octet would.
"I'll take a milk and rum on the rocks, tall, and a Percocet and Sunny-D for my jubilant friend here" Mary orders expectantly.
"Yeah aight." the bartender responds, sliding the two glasses along the repurposed operating table.
After having their fill of Bloomin' Onion and drink, the two step out into the night, ambling down the street they had arrived from. Mary sweetly walks Minecraft home and tucks him into his bed, singing Gregorian chants to lure him into his accursed slumber. Mary then leaves and continues down the road, leaving Minecraft to be tortured by the contents of his subconscious mind.
Although Mary is in a full sprint and cannot hear anything over the turbulent sounds of her out-of-breath puffs, she hears a beautiful cacophony of instrumentation coming from a rundown barn on a hill. Confused as to why she can hear anything that isn't the sound of tortured souls this late, Mary climbs toward the angelic vibrations. As she reaches the second floor of the barn, she sees a man playing the guitar as he looks out over the Boston skyline through the destroyed starboard wall of the barn. Not yet noticing Mary's presence, he begins to sing:
She wants to touch me (whoa) She wants to love me (whoa) She'll never leave me (whoa, whoa, oh, oh)
Don't trust a ho Never trust a ho 'Cause a hoe won't trust me
Mary, in awe at the hurt coming from his beautiful voice, decides she must try to help this wounded soul. As Mary approaches, without turning around, the man says,
"Hello, my name is Christian Grey, what's your favorite Pokemon generation?"
