Wicked Things We Crave

Chapter Twenty-Eight

She looked so alive and happy in those photos, looking nothing like the woman she saw in the few memories Astrid had of her. The woman sitting at the table looked more posh than she remembered; wearing an elegant pale pink dress with her hair in a high bun and her makeup perfectly done. Her hair was the same color as Astrid's, as was her eyes, but besides that, the two appeared to have little in common.

Jonah placed his palm on the small of her back and led her hesitant feet over to the corner table, her mother's eyes finally picking them out in the near empty restaurant. 

Though a smile graced her face when she spotted them, it was small and more polite than warm. Still, she stood from her chair when they approached.  "Jonah, I wasn't aware you were joining us. What a pleasant surprise."

He let out a quiet snort as he pulled a chair away from the table and waited for Astrid to take a seat in it. "Yeah, I bet."

"And, Astrid," she continued, "you look lovely."

Astrid gave her mother a polite smile to match. "Thank you, Rachel."

She wouldn't call this woman her mother; not out loud. She'd never earned the title with the exception of birthing her. 

Her mother didn't seem taken aback being called by her first name. To her, it was likely a title she never wanted. "Jonah, I must say, you look the same as when I last saw you."

Jonah's lips twitched into the smallest of smiles. At first, Astrid assumed he was reacting to the compliment. Instead, a cocky expression took over his face as he looked up at her mother. "I've got a good woman who keeps me young," he spoke as casual as could be. "So, I hear you're looking to get hitched."

"I am," she replied as she picked up her mimosa. "Richard and I have been together going on seven years now. He's a lovely man who treats me well."

"Ain't that a shame," Jonah muttered under his breath, though not quiet enough to not be heard by both women.

As much as Astrid couldn't help but take a slight amount of pleasure in Jonah's comment, she decided that her questions were more important than pleasantries, or lack thereof in this care. "Where have you been all this time?"

Her mother shrugged a single shoulder and sat back in her chair. "All over. I did some traveling for a few years, then settled down in North Carolina and worked at a travel agency for a while. That was where I met Richard. He came in to arrange his parents fortieth wedding anniversary. Bought them a trip to New Zealand. When he had to transfer for work, he asked me to go with him and we moved to Tennessee."

This woman lived out the last twenty years of her life as if she'd never given birth. "Does Richard know about me?" Astrid asked, despite the twisting in her stomach telling her not to go there. 

She looked down and twisted the stem of her champagne glass, watching it spin round and round before she shook her head. "He knows about your father, but no, he doesn't know about you."

A laugh escaped Astrid's lips, and she felt Jonah's hand go beneath the table to squeeze hers. "But he asked you if you had children, didn't he?" It wasn't a question since she could already guess the answer.

"It's complicated, Astrid. I don't expect you to understand."

It was Jonah's turn to laugh and his hand left hers so he could clasp them together atop the table, and he leaned in to glare at her mother. "Don't talk to her like she's stupid, Rachel. Bottom line is that it isn't complicated at all. You chose to erase your past. You chose to leave your daughter and husband. You chose to pretend like she never existed. You chose to lie your ass off for all these years, and you chose to agree to this lunch, knowing she'd be asking the tough questions. So how 'bout you man up, and fucking answer them."

Her mother let out a huff and tucked a stray strand of her eyes hair behind her ear. "Yes, he asked if I had children, and I told him children were never really something I wanted."

"And that was true, wasn't it?" Astrid asked without giving her time to answer. "You never wanted me. You hated being pregnant, and you hated being a mother."

"I didn't hate it," she responded quickly. "I just didn't love it like someone's expected to. The experience was never fulfilling as it should have been. Instead, it was one menial task after another, and it was all just so damn exhausting. Once you have children of your own, you'll understand that it isn't all puppies and rainbows. It's real work."

Astrid never expected parenthood to be easy, but her mother's words wouldn't sway her. "I was actually leaning toward adoption. Find a child whose own parents chose to cast them aside and give them a good and loving home."

The waiter came up to their table, notepad in hand. "Are we ready to order?"

Astrid shook her head and stood from the table. "I've lost my appetite," she told him before turning her attention back to her mother. "Thank you for answering my questions, Rachel, but I think we're done here."

She didn't wait for a response before she collected her purse and walked away. There were a few words spoken between her and Jonah before he followed.