Wicked Things We Crave

Chapter Nineteen

She'd remained quiet the entire way to his house, just staring out the window lost in thought, but as soon as the door closed behind him, Jonah couldn't take it anymore. Astrid blamed herself for what happened. He heard it in her voice back at the bar.

"It wasn't your fault, sweetheart."

Astrid spun around to face him, tears both fresh and dry staining her cheeks. "Are you fucking serious right now? Of course that was my fault. You wanted to wait until everything was settled, probably have a one on one with him to ease him into it, and I yelled that I was fucking his best friend for all his employees to hear. Tell me, Jonah, how is that not my fault?"

The situation they found themselves wasn't an ideal one, but there also was no ideal situation when it came to telling Scott the truth. There were better outcomes than the one that had transpired, though.

Jonah had planned on sitting Scott down in the office one day after work, drink a beer then admit that he'd fallen in love. Scott would ask why love meant having to leave a business, friends and his hometown behind, and Jonah would tell him that the woman's father would never be okay with it, and he didn't expect him to ever support the relationship. It would be easier for everyone involved if he and the woman just started fresh elsewhere.

Scott would give him a pat on the back and ask who in their right mind wouldn't want him for a son-in-law. Then he'd meet his stare and allow silence to take over until realization hit him.

What he hadn't planned on was Scott losing his shit at the bar, making it look like they were in a fight, and having Astrid step in to reveal the truth she hadn't realized wasn't already revealed.

Short of catching them in the act, it was one of the worst ways Scott could have found out. But keeping that secret from his friend was proving to be too much for Jonah, and now he no longer had to. That alone was worth some amount of relief.

"He could have found out in a better way," Jonah agreed. "But no matter where it happened, or how he was told, the reaction would have been the same. There was no scenario where he would have been okay with this. No scenario where he just would have asked for a little time and space.

"I know it's easy to forget sometimes, Astrid, but I'm not just his friend or yours. I'm your godfather. It's a title I took damn serious until you started getting older and it faded into the background. Nowhere in the job description did it mention me fucking you when you grew up, so Scott not beating me into oblivion was honestly him letting me off easy."

"I'm feeling a little nauseous," Astrid spoke, holding her stomach.

"You sick? Cause I sure as hell couldn't have knocked you up already."

She shook her head. "No. In one of the erotic books I have, the girl calls the guy 'daddy'. I just imagined calling you god daddy in bed, and it just screwed with my stomach in the worst fucking way."

These weren't funny times, but Jonah still couldn't hold back a laugh. "Yeah, never do that. Ever. Daddy kink would be seriously fucking twisted given our history."

"Agreed."

******

With the mood having been shot to shit, Jonah cooked her birthday dinner, took his time so he didn't fuck it up, then drew her a bath. Since he knew she'd be in there for a while, drowning her sorrows in wine he poured for her, Jonah dug in his freezer until he found his emergency pack of cigarettes.

It was a habit he picked up in rehab, but kicked it for the most part a few years later. Now he only smoked on the rare occasion. The night air was thick with humidity when he stepped onto the porch and sat on the top step.

There was always a sense of calm that took over him when he indulged in a cigarette, and this first puff was no different. Since he only smoked a few times a year, it could work its magic with little resilience.

He remembered catching Astrid smoking when she was a senior in high school. Of course it was fucking Anya who gave it to her. Jonah hadn't turned her in to her dad for that one, but swore he would if he ever caught her smoking again and had never smelled it on her since. Once he came in smelling like cigarettes, he'd get scolded for being a hypocrite, but he'd been called a hell of a lot worse than that. Especially today.

When he saw Travis walking down the sidewalk, Jonah regretted not grabbing the whole damn pack. "You want something?"

"Just got done checking on Scott, so decided I'd check on you. Not gonna lie to you, man, tonight was fucking brutal," he told him once he reached the front porch.

That anyone would go anywhere near Scott after what happened was both stupid as hell and impressive. "How's he doing?"

Travis chuckled and rubbed at his chin. "He took the anger he has for you out on his damn house. Whole place was trashed by the time I got there. Even put a dent in his truck. Found him sitting in the corner of his living room with a bottle of jack. Threw a fucking lamp at me when I walked in. Luckily he's got shitty aim when he's drunk."

As Jonah took another puff of his cigarette, Travis sat down next to him. "I was honest with him. Told him I found out last night what was going on. Wasn't too happy about that, but at least I didn't keep it from him for very long. Let him know that I lectured you about how fucked up it was, then told him what you told me."

"What did I tell you?" Jonah asked. They'd had the conversation about twenty-six hours ago, and could probably remember a conversation from twenty-six years ago, but his brain was on haywire after the day he had.

"That you called her 'the one'. That you could have hidden this shit from him, but didn't want to lie. That you'd rather hand him over the business and leave town than force him to face you. Told him Astrid said she was in love with you."

Jonah doubted he'd get much credit out of all that, but Scott knew also that Astrid didn't fall for men easily, and hadn't yet fallen in love. Hopefully that counted for something.

After taking another puff of his cigarette, Jonah put it out on the porch step and tossed in the tin can he hid underneath. "Was he any better when you left him?"

"I mean, he still hates your fucking guts, if that's what your asking," Travis answered with a laugh.

Jonah was glad someone found humor in all this. "He's gonna hate me a hell of a lot more when he finds out she's moving with me."

"No shit?"

"No shit," Jonah confirmed, already wishing he hadn't put the cigarette out yet. "I've always wanted that big love, you know? That love you see in movies and that couple everyone knows and envies. Eventually, I just stopped looking for it and accepted that I'd be a bachelor forever or settle down with someone I thought I'd be able to stand being around until I died.

"Astrid's my big love. It doesn't make sense to anyone too close to see it, and I know everyone will think we're crazy for moving this fast, but as soon as I kissed her Saturday, everything I'd given up on ended up right in front of me. I never thought a kiss could feel that fucking perfect. I never thought holding someone against me could feel that intense.

"After that first kiss, I tried walking away, but it felt like my feet were glued to the ground. Then she walked when I told her to, after I reminded her of everything that would go to shit if we let it happen again. Having her do that gave me this immediate emptiness. You called it 'fucked up', and you weren't wrong, but having Astrid close to me is like being filled with everything that makes life beautiful. Not having her there is my own personal purgatory.

"I've loved that girl since the day she was born. I've known her, been her friend, protected her when I could, stood by her and allowed her to protect herself. We were like a magnetic force. When she left for college, I lasted three fucking weeks before I couldn't take it anymore. Twenty years ago, when I hit rock bottom, I pulled myself out of it for her. All of this before I ever fell in love with her. It may be fucked up, Travis, but her and I aren't wrong. And I refuse to let Scott, or you, or any other fucker in this town make me feel otherwise."