The Personal Affair

T E N

Back then, I'd thought that if I was rebellious enough, that my grandmother would call my mother to come pick me up. But she didn't, she never did despite how annoyed with me she would get sometimes, she never gave up on me. She was so patient, so good, and what did life do yet again? It ripped her away from me. The last family I had was taken away from me by a stroke. I know I couldn't have possibly seen it coming, but I blamed myself for it. Even though she died a few years after my rebellious phase, I wondered if she'd still be alive if I hadn't been so stubborn and uncooperative earlier on.

Megan had told me several times that my behavior had nothing to do with her untimely death, but the feeling lingered regardless.

And so I wept. I wept for my mother, I wept for my grandmother, and I wept for my husband.

———-

Sometime after I'd let it all out, I fell into a deep slumber. When I awoke, I was laying in Megan's bed and the window blinds of the room had been closed shut so I had no clue what the time was.

My phone had died earlier and I spotted it plugged into Megan's charger. I wanted to know the time but I figured it could wait as I trudged into her en suite bathroom to wash my face of all the dried tears from earlier, and take care of my hygiene.

After that nap, I felt much better and almost like my usual self.

I found Megan in her kitchen, her head in the refrigerator. She looked up when I walked in, a small smile on her face. "You're finally up, sleepy head. How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay." I said, my voice coming out scratchy. "What time is it?"

"Past nine. Do you want to go back home yet?"

I shook my head in response. I know that I had to eventually, but I just didn't feel mentally ready to face Knox, not tonight at least.

Leaning against the kitchen island, I folded my arms. "What are you doing?"

Megan had her head in the refrigerator and a garbage can on the floor, holding the door open. "What does it look like? I'm trying to clear out all of the shit in here. I can't believe how much of this stuff has gone bad," she said as though genuinely confused.

"What do you expect? It's not like you actually eat them."

She sighed with a small pout. "It's just so much easier to order takeout."

"And so much more expensive, and unhealthy."

"Whatever. At least the ice cream in here is still good." She said, pulling out a bucket of Ben and Jerry's.

The mere mention of ice cream took me back to  seating across a table and eating the cold snack with Ryder. A smile slipped across my face as I remembered how easy and natural it was to just talk to him about things and laugh at each other's bad jokes. Ryder had turned out to be so much more than I'd thought he was and the more he divulged about himself, the more roped in I became, desperately wanting to know more about what made the man who he was. And then I wondered what he was doing. Was he working, or was he entertaining a woman? Or women?

I shook my head, hoping to dismiss the thought as I refocused on the present.

"Where'd you go just now?" Megan asked, squinting her eyes at me. "Had a goofy smile on your face and all of that."