F Cancer

chapter 18

Warning: The following chapter will include a tough topic for some readers. If you are not comfortable with subject of detailed self harm, and decide to stop reading, I completely understand... This is also a reminder to to be aware of mental illness. Depression, suicide, abuse, self harm, and many other things are not a joke, and should be taken seriously. If you or a loved one is going through anything, please know that you aren't alone in any situation. From someone who use to do self harm, I can say that things truly do get better. Thank you for reading and taking your time to acknowledge this caution.

.  .  .  .  .

Ever since New Years Eve, almost every night, Kenma woke up in tears because of his ongoing nightmares. Kuroo sometimes was woken up from Kenma's panic attacks. But other times, Kuroo was sleeping so hard he didn't wake up at all. Kenma would just curl up in a ball and quietly weep.

After about 2 months of this, Kuroo decided that he needed to speak to Kenma.

Kenma was playing video games on the sofa and Kuroo just watched.

"Are you excited for the trip next weekend?" Kuroo asked with excitement.

The couple had planned their beach getaway next weekend, since that was the only time both their schedules were clear. Even though it was still going to be cold out, they didn't mind. As long as they had each other, they were happy.

"Yeah." Kenma smiled.

"Hey, kitten... I needed to ask you something." Kuroo calmly spoke- though he wasn't calm at all. Kenma's odd anxiety attacks and nightmares had only gotten worse. This made Kuroo slightly worried about his boyfriend.

"Yeah, what's up?" Kenma asked, shutting off his phone, putting all his attention on Kuroo.

"I have noticed that you aren't really getting a lot of sleep, and I know it's because if your nightmares. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay." Kuroo said, rubbing Kenma's hand with his own.

"Oh... yeah, I guess." Kenma replied.

But Kuroo knew that was a lie. Kenma knew that was a lie. Anyone would be able to recognize that was a lie. Kenma got very little sleep at night because of his nightmares and panic attacks. He would fall asleep, have a nightmare, wake up, have a panic attack, cry, and then stay awake because he was afraid of having another bad dream if he did doze off.

"Well, I think we should do something about it. It's really affecting your sleep schedule and I don't think it's very healthy to have that much anxiety." Kuroo stated with a worried tone in his voice.

"Well, I mean I have had anxiety my whole life so it isn't that big of a deal." Kenma said.

"Yeah but not like this. Kenma please, please, please allow me to help you. We could go to a therapist or another doctor-"

"Kuroo, I am fine. I don't need a therapist or another doctor. Especially not another doctor... I already have too many." Kenma said, cutting Kuroo off. His tone seemed a little agitated.

Although he loved Kuroo and thought it was amazing how Kuroo always tried to help him, Kenma was fed up with it. In Kenma's eyes, it was starting to look like Kuroo was treating him like a child. But in Kuroo's eyes, he just wanted to help his boyfriend in any way possible.

Kuroo could hear the irritation in Kenma's voice, so he was a little annoyed as well.

"Kenma, I am just trying to help. Both you and I know that it isn't normal so please... why won't you-"

"Because, I said I was fine." Kenma cut Kuroo off again.

"No, you aren't... so stop saying that you are." Kuroo replied, his voice starting to sound more annoyed.