Empty WordZ

Why Me?

Was my scream not loud enough? I thought to myself as I laid there waiting for it to be over... Day after day, night after night why can't I escaped this damn bad dream. The smell was triggering, the location was unsafe, and the voice was nerve reckoning; but here we are again another night with the same thing. Is it normal not to feel? Or is there something wrong? I don't know what to do think. Who am I anymore?
This start about three years ago, and I still can't seem to understand the meaning all of this. Help me, somebody help meee please Damnnn.... Here I am spacing out again, having her now questioning if I'm ok... OK no I'm not OK she knows this, but of course manipulation is the thing. She's trying to make me feel like she's the only one that cares, and loves me; the nerve of crazy.
Yes psycho let me take you back to where it all started. I was about five or six the sun was shining bright, in my hometown Queens- New York. Summer time was here, sun was burning a glace but the breeze; there's always something about a good breeze on a hot day, a match made in heaven. Little did I know that my nice day was going to end. I can still see her now waking up out her sleep, acting as if the world belongs to her.
She did this, oh why? I was good, I was ok , I was normal....but this was my normal now. I want her to disappear she's no good, why is she here, grandma is at work. I wonder can I kick her out, or should I scare her to leave? Who am I kidding I'm scared of her, I just have to shut up, and take it. She told me if I ever open my mouth and tell anyone I will go to hell. No.... I don't want to go there, I'm sorry I won't say anything.