Innocuous (YiZhan/ZhanYi)

Chapter 5 Flavor of Life

Once inside the car, Yi Bo went for small talk, which in itself, was pretty odd.

"How was your day, Zhan?"

"It was okay," was Zhan's curt response. He felt tired, so tired of pretending that not a thing in the world was bothering him. Yi Bo looked at him unsurely. There was a lot of hesitation in his expression.

"I...I've been meaning to ask you..."

"Yes?"

"Is something the matter? You seem...distracted."

"No, there's nothing."

"Are you sure?" Yi Bo insisted, not at all convinced of Zhan's truthfulness.

"Of course. What could be happening to me?" Zhan answered, trying to paste a smile on his face. That smile however, didn't reach his eyes convincing Yi Bo that something was really off.

"But..." Yi Bo tried to protest, to inquiry even further.

Zhan retorted somewhat angrily. "Just drive, please," It was a desperate plea. He was about to break down in front of Yi Bo, and he could not, would not do that. He still had some pride.

Bo knew he shouldn't insist now. He knew that if he kept on, Zhan would just go away, and he was not ready for that. Not yet, maybe never.

They reached their hotel and went speedily to their room. Desperation overtook them both, and soon they both forgot about everything else. Once their passion induced high was over, a reality hung over and engulfed Zhan.

Bo was in the shower, leaving Zhan between the sheets they had just soiled with their passion. He felt as soiled as the linen. He felt dirty, worthless. How could he make Yi Bo love him? Because he had finally realized he was in love, had been in love for a while with Wang Yi Bo. He felt so stupid.

The sudden awareness brought despair to him. He was not enough for Yi Bo, he would never be enough for Yi Bo. He saw it clearly now. Family and social status were obviously more important to Bo, and he...he was just a necessary casualty. Of course Yi Bo would feel bad for him, Bo was not a monster, but in the end, he would never choose him.

He felt nauseous, he struggled to avoid retching, he was hyperventilating, and the walls seemed to close in on him. He threw the bed covers aside and reached for his clothes almost blindly, he was desperate, and he needed to get out of there fast. He was about to pass out.

He was fumbling with his clothes, trying to get dressed when Bo found him. He was struggling to remain focused on the task at hand. Yi Bo looked at him worriedly.

"Zhan! What's happening?"

"I...I need to go."

"Why?"

"I don't feel well, I need to go home."

"But..."

"Please, take me home...please," was Zhan's hopeless plea. Yi Bo's heart broke at Zhan's state.

"Do you feel ill? Should I take you to a hospital?"

"No! Just take me home."

Yi Bo helped Zhan get dressed and dressed himself. Half an hour later, Yi Bo parked in front of Zhan's building main door.

"Do you want me to walk you to your apartment?"

"That won't be necessary."

"But..."

"I just need to rest, Yi Bo. Don't worry."

"Zhan..."

"It's okay...later."