Untitled Part 1

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by ChristopherFlame

by ChristopherFlame

The long wooly haired man stepped onto the beach where the mad purple Titan awaited him. "So you came?" The Titan questioned, almost in disbelief as Jesus replied "yeah thats what I said to your mom last night. Cut the shit Thanos, you may have taken down the Avengers but we both know I'll win this Bro. Hand over the Stones, and we may resolve this peacefully in my All Mighty Father's name." Jesus had both the speech pattern and dialect of the stereotypical californian beach bro, which Thanos found strange as he was nailed to a crucifix a good 1,980 years before that would even become a stereotype. "With the stones I am powerful, even more powerful than you, Jesus. Walk away now-" Thanos beared the golden Infinity Gauntlet glowing with all 6 gems "-before you're unable."

"Alrighty Broski lets rumble if thou shall not lay down thy sword.... Or Infinity glove or whatnot. I cannot turn my other cheek to this."

"Actually." The mad Titan smirked readying his fingers to snap. "It's a gauntlet." he let loose his fingers, the surge of energy overtaking and crushing him as he directed all his will at destroying Jesus. But nothiing came of it. The power from the gauntlet left Thanos' right side charred and crippled. he laid in a still smoking heap upon the sand and breathed heavily as Jesus looked down upon him, his brown skin reflecting the setting sun. His chocolate eyes, despite everything Thanos did and tried to do spoke pity and forgiveness..... As Jesus kneeled, his robes softly disturbing the sand around him Thanos spat at him "Impossible."

"Through God all things are possible bro. You have done horrible things since you took over Earth, Titan dude. You ripped Tony Stark in half, tore the mind stone from Vision and destroyed his life, and let me tell you my father sure as H E double hockey sticks didnt give him a soul. You made Wade Wilson eat so many chimichangas that his stomach exploded and then you force fed his guts to Wanda Maximoff because she tried to kill you. You Have kept a Spirit of Vengeance as your toy keeping it from doing its duty. and yet, through all these things, I still offer you forgiveness through my body." Jesus touched the Infinity Gauntlet and up Thanos' charred arm. A warm healing light carresed the mad Titans body and repaired it. once the light faded Jesus offered his exposed open palm and through extension, his love " accept my father and find forgiveness." Thanos peered at the palm and at Jesus' eyes and stated roughly and with enough confidence to slap even Jesus offguard "Go fuck yourself." Thanos blasted Jesus with the gauntlet, throwing him several feet in the air and landing in the sand onto his back. Jesus coughed a bit as Thanos stood up and noticed the Power and Soul stones were missing. "Shouldve grabbed them all. That was a mistake." and then Jesus Qouted "Glory in my weaknesses , that the Power of Christ may rest on me."

"What?" Thanos questioned. "That made no sense."

"Yeah, I know Bro." Jesus Sighed in agreement. "Most of the Bible doesnt if taken out of context like that. You know you say or write ONE TINY THING and then people want to fight wars about it. And most of em are misinterpretating you anyways." Thanos, just not even going to question what a Bible was, threw another blast at him. This time Jessus was prepared and dodged, letting loose a beam from the power stone. It hit Thanos, skidding him back in the sand and splashing his feet into water. But when they hit the water it triggered something they didnt realize. Thanos threw another blast at Jesus and then activated the time stone. He used his slowed down perception to jaunt over to him and throw him on the ground and grab his neck. time resumed back to normal as Thanos whispered into Jesus' ear "This is where you die son of-" off in the distance they heard it. But it was impossible.

it couldnt be. Everyone knew Shaggy killed him years ago.

oh but it was. They heard the Theme song of Thomas the Tank Engine

"they're two

they're four

they're si̛x

t̴h̷e̴y̵'̵r̸e̷ ̶e̷i̷g̶h̴t̵

̶̞̼̬̘̥͠Ş̵̳̘̲̜͙͙͔̼̳̼͍̦̀̈̒̅̐͋̌͊̓̈́̾͠ͅH̷̦̠̺̪̺̔͂͊͑Ǔ̸̢̧͇͍̥͚͓̯̫͙̦̙͙̘̦͒̀̄̅̀̚̕ͅŃ̸̼͆T̵̨̡̢̖̳͔͖͙͔̳̜͈̙̾̿͑͒̒̈́̏̐̒͋I̸̢̧̛̹͇̳̣͓̱̥̒̿̂̊̈́͆̿͌̉́̕̚͝Ň̶̡̟̺͓͈̘̺͐͋̈́̇̈́̉͛̍̽̀̕͝͝͝͝G̷̜̹̙͑͌̏̊̿̈́͠ ̸̡̨͙̰͍̰̱͛͆̈́̾̋̋͌̏ͅŢ̸̩̳͕̼̖̙͇͎̗̿́͝R̴̙͋̔̄́̆͛̑̂̋́̂̚͠͝Ư̸̟̰͊̐̾̐̆̓͛Ċ̴̢̱̤͓͚̼̱̳̱̦͔͇̅̎͛́͌̃͌́̀̀͋̎̚͜͝͝K̸̡̖͕̘̦͎̣͓̂͐̄͋̾̍͌̈́̽͗͗͘͝S̶̲̪̈ ̸̞̹͂́̎̍̿̕͝Ą̸͙̠̃́͂̉ͅN̶̡̯̝̟͉͇̭̣̲̺̱̤̄̿͆͌̑͑͂̂̈͒̍̔̚͘͘͝͝ͅD̷̰̹͇̳͖͒̓̓̈́̈́̈́͛̔̔́͊̔͠ ̵̼̠̣̙͍̩̪̦͇͍̩̝͈̳̗̩̖̂̀͆̃̃͋̋͋̔͝Ȟ̵̺̤͚̬Ä̵̡̲͔̹̜̪͙͍̗̣͒̊͐̈́̋̇͋́̉͊̾͐̌̚͜ͅͅU̵̗̫̭̝̇̏̀̈̍̀͐̇͐̚͘L̵̞̅̋͐͐̾́̽̾͗͂͝I̸̡̱̮̖̫͐̌̀̄̂̀̍͂͐͐̚Ņ̶̱͕̲̳͇̰̘̙̬̤̃͊̍̈͊̂͋̽͛͐̈͠Ģ̴̣̗̗̤͖̑̃̾͑̽͒̂̀̇ ̴̢̫̺̲̗͎̝͍̯̰̦̘̖̲̀͜F̵͙̀̇̆͗R̵̙̤͑͑̌̔̔̿͂̂̆̅͘͘Ë̷̛̼͉̗͙́͌͠͝͠I̶̧̨̺̥͍̞̠͎͚͙̜̰̳̓͒̐̈̏͐́̑̅̈́͂̄́͑̚͝G̴̨̱̲͕̘̣̞͈͝ͅH̴͍̩̼̼͉̼̝͉̎̅̉̈̿̉̉̅̈́̒́̔̉̓͝͠ͅT̷̢̛̗̪̝̝̝̖͉͓͂̑̄̊̉̀͐̔̊̉̆̐̕͝͝"̶̨̘̜̦͎̭̤̫̔̏̔̆̀̀̽̈́̽͋͌̋̚ ̵̨͉̻̥̹̹̳̖͈̳̃

HE WAS HERE IT WAS TOO LATE IT WAS TOO LATE FOR EVERY ONE

THERE WAS NO RUNNING THERE WAS NO HIDING THOMAS KNEW ALL JESUS MAY HAVE BEEN THE SON OF GOD BUT THOMAS HE WAS THE T̶͕̙̟̒̐́̀͗͊̅̆̓͗̕H̴̨̧̪̹̟̞̞͔̬̭͓̞̤͉̟̼̰̗̲̀̀̾̄E̴͓̩̩̰̠̪̝̋̍ ̸̣̭̯͙̥̜̼͇͔͓͚̈́͋͒̈́̇͑̋̂̏̓̄͑̅̍̃͑̈́̏͆͘̚͠͠͝͠A̷͓̤̙̦͓̤̪͔̝͂͛͛̎̈́͒̈́͂͝͝L̵̨̢̛̛̗͓͖̹̦̮͈͚̗̭̪̜̤̤͑̀͋̌́̏̈́͗̃͊̇̊̇̏͌̑̕͘̕͘ͅͅͅM̶̨̛̮̠͙͈͙͕͍̝̺̫̙̦̭͇̤͓͎̘̑̓̄́A̴͈̮̮̖͙̫̻̣͖̬̺̥̞̪̭̫̅̑̂̈́̐̿̎̂͋͆́̅̉̑͛͒͗͒̉̎͊̆͘̕͝ ̴͇̘̝̼̯̭̻͕̜̱̈́͗̆̔͐̀M̸̢̢̢͉͕̦̦͎̟̭͕̤͎̱̾̀́͂̂͒͂̀́̿͛̈́̈́̚͜Ą̵̟̬̲̤̪̞̙̜͍͍̭̬̪̮̃͛̉̍͛̈́͌͒̅̓̃̿̍̒̉͐̕̕͠͝Ţ̶̩͇͚̼̪̙̥̟̝̞̜̞͕̹̲̣̦͙̟͈̺͑̕ͅÈ̷̜̞̙̦̯̌̄͂́̃̋R̶̢̛̛̘̝̘̱̼͇̰͉͖̻̤̲̜̖͔̩͈͖̭̟̖̬̱̍̓̐̋̅̊̾̋̈́̈́̚͠͝ ̴̧̡̺͈̳̳͎̖̤͎̙͈̹̤̓̓T̶̢̰͚̠̖̭̪͂̈̏̇̽̽͠H̸̠̫̹̖̖̬̦̒́̀̉̅͆͐͛̀̋̌̽̏̏̌̓͜͝͝͝É̶̻̝͕̝̼̭̣̰͍͎̬͖͋̌̊̌̐̂̅̽̅̅́̓̍̀͊̇̋̽̀͘͝͝͝ ̵͙̗̺̳̓̎͐͛̒̍̋͆̚͜͝V̷̢̨̛̛̪̬̜̟̟̮̗̖͖͓̘͕͕͚̻͙͛͒̓͆̊͂̉̃̊̾̌͋͜O̷̧̰̺̻̝̹͔͎̽̀͊́͑̌̍̚͝Į̸̗͉̮̈̓̉̈́̑̂̈́̋̈́̽̎͗̓̊D̶̨̨̗̝͚̬͈̭̝̲̠͚̱͇̥̖̜͇͇͓͓̙͎̯̙͍̐̎͑̇͊͊̈́̉̿̆̌̄̆͋̒̄̎͜͝͠ THE ONE WHO S̸̢̧̧̧̛̮̠͔̪͕͔̹̲̝̝͖̬̦̺͉̤͇̳̦̩̘̫͇̮̲̠̘͉̰̰͍̈́͒͑̌̅̌̈́́͐̒̅͊̊͜͜͠͝ͅͅE̸̛͇̤͚̦͕̣͉̳̊̆̓̍͋̀͆̀́̌̍̋̑̅̅̈́̓̈́̍̉͑̀̅͆̍͛͋̃̆̃̐̃̏̉͂̇̃̾̌̅͘͠Ę̷̛̛̛̛̥̰̦̳͚̳͙͔̞̙͎̈͐̋͑̃̇̀͂̄͂͐̏͑̃̆͐̍̄͊͌̑̏̓̐̀͊͛̿̅͛̓̋͆͒̽̒̎̉͂̈́̈́͌͋͌̒̌̂̕͘̕S̴̡̡̨̧̨̨̡̢̛̠̱̪̞̰̝͚̜̹̜̮̝̗̞̝̳̣̫̮̖̪̫̪͉̞̰̼͕̖͈̮̠̦͙͎̞̮̰͙̝̘̝̼̘̓̑̇̎̏͋̊͋̊̋̔̾͑͂́̔̔̏͌̔͜͜͝

There he was, floating in the sky. his eyes like ?/<\|>(*@ !?\/{]-_=&#42* in the winds of moscow. Jesus could only scream when Thomas approached. Thanos attempted to use the time stone to escape but Thomas %$@(>"*{<"+! and Thanos' eyes bled as he clawed them from what he tried to unsee the things Thomas showed him. Thomas grabbed hold of the Infinity stones and

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...........REBOOTING.... PLEASE STAND BY

Jesus awoke in heaven, grasping his horcrux. It was his second, though certainly not only one, a piece of his crucifix. He stepped outside and saw his father with his half ogre step mom and his annoying little half ogre half deity siblings. "Aye, where ave YOU been?" His Ogre God Father asked. "God Broski none of your business." He retaliated this way because he didnt want to relive what just happened. "Hey I AM God remember?! Why dont yo-"

"SHRREEEEEEEKKKK IM LOOOKING DOWN!" Donkey yelled from the other room. Shrek and and Fiona went to investigate but Jesus tried to interject "NO DAD!" But he didnt listen. all he heard next was their screams of torment, pain, suffering, and most of all, not being in there swamp.

The End.