Immortal

Not enough

A/N: I've done some research and I don't know if the terminology is okay, but please be nice! :)
The conversation between Stan and Donna... well... I wrote it from my own experience with therapy, so ... try to be gentle as well.

~

"So, you're telling me you had a psychogenic blackout?"

Dr. Stan Lipschitz wasn't a man to show emotion easily, but that morning he did. It was quick and subtle, but Donna saw it. He was surprised. Donna nodded in confirmation. She had googled the medical term the same day it had happened, so it wasn't something new for her, but the name was still scary.

"I believe this is a symptom of PTSD," he continued. "I knew you were going to have nightmares or flashes of what had happened to you once your induced dissociative amnesia wore off. But I must admit I wasn't expecting it to escalate like this."

"Well... I might not have been dealing with everything that happened in the best way possible." Donna avoided his gaze. Shame running through her bloodstream and reaching her cheeks.

"Why is that?" The doctor asked, intrigued.

"I've been drinking," she blurted, like ripping off a band-aid. "Not too much, but enough to sleep without having nightmares."

Dr. Lipschitz knew that whenever a patient said they didn't drink too much, it was actually the opposite. Also, drinking to numb dreams wasn't the wisest course of action to fix her problem.

"Donna, if you keep avoiding your dreams and your feelings, you won't feel better."

"But the dreams... they're so vivid. I feel everything and when... when Harvey touched my shoulder... It was like I was dreaming again." A tear escaped her left eye, and she cleaned it away instantly with the back of her hand.

She had told the doctor what she had done to Harvey and how broken she had felt. It was like her body had betrayed her. She had lost not only most of her personal effects but also a friend and now her mind. The only thing she thought no one could steal from her, she was losing. Her heart was broken. Her body had been violated. She had lost her best friend, and now what? What else was left to lose?

"I want to leave, Stan. I don't want to face Harvey and his wife again. I want revenge for what those people did to me, and then I want to be anywhere but New York." Donna felt that without a reason to stay, she might as well just leave. She felt disconnected to her reality and her life. Therefore, a fresh beginning sounded more appealing than staying. "And seeing Harvey every day..." She gasped. "It breaks me he is happy with someone that isn't me. He moved on without me, but I'm stuck. While everybody went on with their lives, someone hit pause on mine. And I can't keep up! I need to move on, but Harvey is there, and I can't breathe with him orbiting around me."

"Answer me this, Donna. Do you want him to leave his wife for you?"

She stared at him. Her mouth agape. She never actually thought of it, because it was never on the table. It wasn't anything conceivable. But in that room, she could want everything. Right there, no one would judge her for wanting a married man.

"Not if he is happy. But yes, I want him to want me. I've wanted him to want me for as long as I've known him."

"This is progress, Donna. Facing your desires is good, but this week, I want you to think of a way to move on without him."

"How am I supposed to move on when he feels like my soulmate?"

"Is he yours? And equally relevant, are you his?"

"I don't know. But it doesn't matter. I'll find a way to move on either way."

"That's good to hear." A slight grin graced the face of the psychiatrist.