Haruhi Suzumiya

Halloween

There's something about riding around on a train dressed in ridiculous outfits, celebrating a holiday that's not even part of your native culture, and going to some unknown and likely dangerous location that really makes you rethink the decisions you've made in your life.

And that's exactly what I was doing as a multitude of buildings went sweeping by the train window.

I'm sure I look utterly miserable, which is a stark contrast to the sheer elation currently gracing Haruhi's face.

We all showed up as we were told to, and as always, I immediately received a punishment, though not for being late this time. You see, Haruhi didn't like my costume.

And I went through such trouble preparing it.

Actually, all I did was pick up a pair of fake vampire teeth and put on my regular high school uniform. When I arrived at the train station, I could see the rage already filling Haruhi's cheeks.

"What the hell! I said you had to wear a costume!" she yelled.

"I did. I'm a high school vampire," I replied, smiling so she could see my fake plastic teeth for all their fake plastic glory.

"You can't follow a simple order!" she yelled again, drawing the attention of the evening commuters, who were already staring at the group of teenagers screaming and wearing silly costumes.

I'm certain Haruhi yelled some more insults at me, but I didn't really pay attention. I'm used to her chastising me for not following her orders.

What I'm not used to, though, is the sly smile that came over her face when she realized I wasn't listening.

"But luckily," she began, her voice rising to a more self-satisfied pitch, "I figured you would do something like this, so I planned ahead."

As she started digging through her overnight bag, I seriously considered running, just running as far and as fast as I could.

And if I had known what was in store for me, I would have ran, ran, ran.

She pulled out a pair of cat ears and attached them firmly to my head. Then she tied a fake tail to the back of my pants and put a collar with a brass bell on it around my neck.

And there I was, wearing a cat costume.

"Haruhi, I'm not wearing this! I'm a guy!" I said.

"Punishment!" she yelled back, pointing right at my face with her outstretched index finger. "Since you felt like slacking on your costume and showing up as a 'high school vampire,' you'll spend the entire campout wearing this outfit." Then she smiled a little (so evil!). "I guess you're a high school neko-boy now."

Then she laughed.

"And if you try to take it off, you'll suffer an even greater punishment," she added.

What can I say? I submitted. I admit it. I felt ridiculous in the cat ears (which were so small and uncomfortable that they had to have been designed for a girl), but I didn't dare test Haruhi's capacity for coming up with cruel and unusual punishments.

"Let's go," she said, immediately forgetting about me and moving on to her next project.

So after making a spectacle of ourselves and ensuring that I was suffering both mental and emotional pain, we boarded our train and headed off to Haruhi's secret location. Pretty normal SOS Brigade trip if you ask me.

Once aboard, I took a moment to really survey everyone else's costume. Nagato was (unsurprisingly) wearing her witch hat and cape, but because she possesses much greater foresight that I do, she didn't wear her high school uniform underneath as she normally does (who knows what Haruhi might have pulled out of her bag for Nagato?). Today, she had on a set of black pants and a black shirt to better match the cape.

Asahina-san, apparently not understanding the concept of a "scary Halloween" that Haruhi had been attempting to ingrain in us for the last week, came dressed in a light orange princess gown. It was fitting though. Not a single molecule in Asahina-san's perfect body is scary, so trying to dress up like a monster would have been a futile effort. It's much better this way. Much better.

Also, ever since Haruhi had forced my new cat-outfit on me, Asahina-san had been staring at me like she thought I was the cutest thing in the world (the one good outcome of my new neko-boy status). Maybe she'll take me home and adopt me. Please Asahina-san, I need a good home!

I didn't really want to bother looking at Koizumi's outfit, because it was obvious that he had put far too much time and effort into it. He was dressed up like an Oni, complete with ceramic mask and ancient-looking clothing.

Even from behind the mask, I could feel him smiling smugly at me. Kiss ass.

Like Koizumi, Haruhi had gone through a lot of work with her costume. She had on black makeup around the eyes, and her face was smeared with fake blood. She also had what looked like an open head-wound, though I have no idea how she set that up. Her clothes were torn, and she had what could have been either bandages or mummy wrapping going around her right arm.

Frankly, I wasn't sure what she was supposed to be, maybe a zombie, just a plain old corpse, a car crash victim, or a failed mummy. I don't really think she cared, just so long as she looked "scary."

"Your story better be better than your costume," Haruhi said, taking a moment to turn away from the window to criticize me. She's so considerate.

Ah, my story. In the week leading up to this trip, I tried to come up with a story, but then I realized that there is a place where stories already exist. It's called a bookstore, so I went there instead of going through the trouble of creating something terrible that would likely get me in trouble with Haruhi anyways.

I searched through the horror section for about half an hour before I found a manga that seemed scary enough. I bought it and spent the rest of the week memorizing the plot. Now I'm just praying that Haruhi has never heard of it. There's no telling what she'd do to me if I showed up with a terrible costume and a borrowed story.

It's not fair anyway. I'm not a story writer. No-one here is. Even Nagato spent the week reading horror novels, though in her case I'm not sure if she was looking for a story to tell or just researching what scares normal humans. I feel quite confident that she has never felt fear, and if she ever does, then it's time to panic.

"It's a good one," I said, trying not to place a whole lot of emphasis on my story. I didn't want her digging into my sources.

"I'm looking forward to hearing it," Koizumi said, removing his mask as he did so. I kind of wish he'd left it on.

"Uh, huh," I grunted.

"So, where do you think we're going to be spending the night?" he asked. I was about to tell him I didn't know (and didn't care), but then I realized we had the answer sitting in the seat across from us.

"Where are we going, Haruhi?" I asked.

At first I thought she was just going to brush my question off, which is what I expected, but after a moment, I saw her point at something out the window.

"There!" she said.

The four of us gathered around Haruhi to see just what new hell she would be leading us through.

On the other side of the window, resting not that far from the train tracks, was a large abandoned school building.

Great. I always wondered what getting tetanus shots feels like.