Maybe I don't want to

Chapter 1

After the last battle, Harry disappeared. Not mysteriously, though the tabloids thoroughly debated it. No one knew where he went, except possibly Ron and Hermione, though if they did know they weren't sharing. He wasn't seen until the first day of the new term of Hogwarts. Most everyone returned to repeat the last year since it had been a complete disaster and whether or not Harry would be returning was a hot topic just about anywhere in the Wizarding world. But he was there, the last one to board the train in fact, in an attempt to avoid as much publicity as possible.

He sat with Ron and Hermione in a back compartment, neither of them seeming at all surprised by the changes in their friend. Hermione was nose deep in some obscure text about ancient runes. And Ron was filling Harry in on the quidditch games he'd missed while on his sabbatical in the muggle world. People passed by, but no one stopped in, they just muttered amongst themselves when they caught a look at Harry Potter, Golden Boy of the wizarding world.

He might have rebelled a bit at the title, perhaps a tad more than a bit. His glasses were gone. His hair had grown out longer and shaggier then he'd usually let it. He had black smudged around his eyes and a stud in one ear. A small silver ring glistened on his bottom lip and a bit of a tattoo was just visible under the collar of his t-shirt, one of Sirius' old band shirts from the seventies that he'd found boxed up in Grimmuald Place.

"How is Ginny?" He asked when Ron mentioned her name.

"Back with Dean. He's been by the house a few times. Bill might have threatened a bit of wolfish behavior should he break her heart."

Harry chuckled. "Sounds like him."

"Fleur is pregnant, did you hear? They'll be having a little girl in a few months." Ron was grinning. "George said he's going to teach her all his tricks. You know, him and Angelina are talking about getting married soon. Mum's been going barmy, she keeps asking me when Mione and I are getting engaged. She's crazy, that woman."

"She's just keeping herself busy, Ronald." Hermione finally spoke up.

Ron looked sad for a moment. "I know. She can't even say Fred's name. She still tears up when she looks at George sometimes."

They lapsed into silence, thinking about those they'd lost. "How's Teddy?" Hermione asked, finally breaking the silence as they changed into their robes.

"He's such a good baby. Hardly ever cries. Andromeda takes care of him when I'm working and now that I'm back at school. She's a life saver. I couldn't do it without her. He's got Tonks' morphing abilities. His hair changes color to match his moods." Harry was grinning as he talked about his godson. He pulled out a few pictures to show his friends. "The neighbors think I'm barking, that I dye his hair every other day."

Harry ignored the stares and the murmurs as they climbed into the carriages. He'd been expecting them. He leaned forward to stroke the thestral's mane. Many of the students could see them this year and he could see Luna explaining them to a large group of students crowding together. Neville joined them, a strange looking potted plant in his lap. Its vines reached out to stroke his arm until he ran his fingers over the leaves.

"How are you doing, Harry?" Neville asked, appraising the changes in Harry's appearance but not saying anything. This is what Harry loved about his friends, they didn't judge him.

"Alright. And you?"

Neville nodded. "Happy to be back at school. My gran was getting to be a bother the way she was fawning over me. I think she worried the war was going to mess me up. I mean, I do still get nightmares sometimes, you know?"

Harry nodded. He woke up most every night in a cold sweat and gasping for breath. Sometimes it was Voldemort but more often the not it was the faces of those they'd lost. Sirius, Dumbledore, Snape, Remus, Tonks, Fred. He saw all of those faces laid out in the great hall, every person that had died in the battle he should've ended sooner. He wasn't sure how he'd feel being there again. Small chit chat passed between them as they made their way onto the grounds. Ron was excitedly telling Neville about his niece. The castle slowly grew as they got closer. Before he knew it, they were all crowding into the great hall. He greeted Seamus and Dean and hugged Ginny tight, the scent of her perfume clinging to him.

He gathered quite a few stares, but he couldn't be bothered to care. His entire life he'd been doing what everyone else wanted him to do. And now he was done. Voldemort was dead. The death eaters had all been rounded up. He was free now to do as he pleased. He caught sight of Malfoy's platinum blonde hair. He'd heard that the Malfoy heir was returning but he didn't fully believe it until he saw the boy. He was surprised by the sight him as well. His blonde hair was long, almost shoulder length and tied into a ponytail at the base of his skull. His robes clung beautifully to his tall, lean frame. He was sitting with a few friends, his head thrown back laughing. His long pale neck on display. Harry turned away quickly. He might have messed around with a few muggle men in the past few months but he wasn't going to go there now, not with Draco Malfoy, not even in his head.

They sat through the sorting of the new students, cheering for those sorted into Gryffindor. McGonagall gave a speech about renewal and recovery and all that but Harry wasn't really paying attention. He was tired and idly wondering what Teddy was doing and if Andromeda had gotten him down to bed alright. He didn't sleep well without his blanket and Harry couldn't remember if he'd packed it or not. He didn't know if Andromeda would know to read him his newest favorite story before bed.

"Harry, are you still with us?" Ginny asked from beside him.

"Sorry what?"

"Where's your head at, mate?" Ron asked around a mouthful of potatoes.

"Sorry, I'm just worried about Teddy."

"Andromeda's taken him over night before, right?"

He nodded, "Yeah but never for longer than a day or two and he usually has trouble sleeping anywhere other than his bed."

"He'll be alright, Harry." Hermione smiled at him as if he were being adorable. "She'll take care of him. And you can write her all your concerns."

He nodded. He knew he was being ridiculous. Andromeda was a doting grandmother and she'd raised her own daughter wonderfully. He just missed the kid. He was so full of energy and he'd become such an important part of Harry's life. Everyone chatted over their meals like it was any other day of any other year, but Harry could see the way they steered away from certain topics, not broaching anything that happened during the war.

Eventually they made their way to the dorms. All the students returning for their eighth year had been delegated a new space transfigured out of some unused class rooms. They all had their own small rooms and Harry was thankful for the small privacy. He'd grown used to his own space in the past five months of having his own house. It was a small room, just big enough for a bed, a desk, and his trunk but it was heavenly to lock the door and know he was alone. A small white cat had followed him in from the halls and it curled up on one of his pillows with a soft mew. Harry couldn't do much more than fall into bed after stripping from most of his clothes. The cat's purr was the last thing he heard before he slipped into sleep.