Answer My Call

Where Do Babies Come From?

"Listen, one of the two people has got a penis, right, and then the other one of the two people has got a vagina-"

"It's actually called a vulva", Erin mutters and Abby pauses, staring at her, "Oh, I'm sorry, go on. You're doing very well."

"Thanks", she quickly smiles up at her girlfriend, before pushing her glasses back up the bridge of her nose and turning back to the focused looking kid, "So what do we got til now? Right, we got the penis and we got the vulva, so the person will shove the penis into the vulva-"

Erin cringes at that, right about the same time as Patty does the same, speaking up, "You really gotta say shove in front of the kid, man?"

"Well, what do you suggest I say?"

"Insert?", Erin speaks up, "Maybe insert."

"Look, while we're at it, why not pick some more family friendly nicknames for this little story time, you know what I'm sayin'? Like, pee-pee, or willy, you know, some shit like that."

"Ah, yes, and you really got your idea through, what by using 'shit' in your argument."

"How is it shoved by accident?", Abby's sarcastic remark is shortly followed by the curious inquiry from the little boy.

Simultaneously, Patty's and Abby's heads turn to face Erin, whose eyes go wide. 

Abby pokes her on the ribs, "Tell him, Erin. He's dying to know."

The physicist's voice comes out very slowly and hesitantly, sounding very similar to a whisper, "Sl-slip? They slip?"

Abby snorts, "Good one", as Erin leans over to furiously whisper back,

"Well, you kinda put me on the spot there, didn't you?"

"They slip", Patty repeats, "Like, on a banana peel."

The shortest one turns around to look up at Patty, "He's 6, not stupid", she retorts.

"Well, what the hell you want me to say to him?", she whispers back, agitated, "Erin's the one who told him people slip into vulvas, pee-pee first!"

At that moment, Holtz slides down the pole into the ground floor, landing with a thump. She takes on the scene before her: two of her girlfriends bickering back and forth and the third one awkwardly fidgeting on her seat, the three of them huddled in front of a very lost looking blonde australian boy.

"Babies, what seems to be cooking up over here?"

Patty sighs, "Holtzy, get your ass over here. Babies."

"Yes, you guys", the engineer nods along, skipping her way over to the scene.

"No, I mean, actual babies. Where do they come from? Go."

Without missing a beat, Holtzmann stares right into the little boy's eyes, "Amazon. But only if you and someone you love sell part of your soul."

"Wha- no."

"And maybe Jesus, if you ask him really, really hard. But mostly Amazon."

Abby shrugs, "Sounds right to me."

Erin gawks at her, "Are you joking?"

"Oh, what? Do we really wanna go back to the pee-pee getting shoved into the vulva story?"

Erin cringes to herself as Holtzmann widens her eyes in a comic manner, whistling under her breath, "Wowza, you guys really do get lost without me around."

"Do the pee-pee and the vulva also come from Amazon?"

The four ghostbusters go silent, four sets of eyes glued to Kevin's oh-so-annoyingly-and-unexpectedly-observant nephew. On Holtzmann's defense, though, she does get back on her feet pretty quickly, if she may say so, "Why, yes sir, yes sir. Glad you asked. If you buy them in a combo, the shipping is free."

Patty's laughter comes out like a roar, while for Abby, it takes her some time to fully cash in what had been said, but when it does, her shoulders start shaking violently as she wheezes. Erin, on the other hand, hasn't seemed to ever unfreeze from the question in the first place. Not that it matters much to Holtzmann, seen as she stands there, with both hands on her hips, a grin stretching from one side of her face to the other. 

At that ever so fortunate moment, the front door to the firehouse is busted open and their beloved secretary skips his way into the building, wildly waving his hand above his head, smiling cheerfully.

Kevin smiles brightly, seeing that at least the majority of his bosses seem content and his nephew looks to be in one piece, which is pretty satisfying in his book, "Hi, bosses! Having fun?"

A fond smile takes up its space in Patty's face as she turns to the bulky blonde, "Kevin, honey, how was the game?"

"Oh, it's not done yet, but I figured it'd be a real challenge for them to find me if I went home, you know, given none of them has the key", he beams, "What were you guys talking about?"

Patty suddenly finds herself unable to even begin to explain the circumstances in which they found themselves to be in; she simply lets out another loud chuckle and shakes her head to herself. She's pretty sure Erin hasn't moved a muscle in 5 minutes, and Abby seems incapable to even breath, violently laughing and clutching her stomach. Holtzmann, of course, is the one who steps closer to the clueless little boy, wraps one arm around his shoulders and grins proudly, speaking up in her poorest attempt at an australian accent, "Just telling the little mate over here about babies and their origins."

At that, Kevin suddenly lets out a relieved sigh, "Oh, thank god. You guys told him about Santa and the postal service, then. Whew, glad I don't have to have that awkward conversation, am I right?"