Trying to Kill Each Other Doesn't Count as Flirting (or Does it?)

Chapter 7

But how could she make her personality remotely appropriate for the occasion?

Then again, when she thought about it, it wasn't like she was incapable of being a nice person. It was just that the only times she could really be herself were when she was outside, and when she was outside, she was always with Okita, and her relationship with Okita amounted to 'let's try to kill each other and call it training and also let's try to kill Hijikata and not bother to call it anything other than murder.'

The point was, she didn't have to be fake. All she had to do was be nice.

~o0o~

When (F/N) arrived at the restaurant, she easily found Okita and his sister, sitting in a booth right by the door. Mitsuba, as it turned out, looked like an older, genderbent version of Sougo, and everything about her radiated the angelic kindness he'd described over the phone.

"So you're Sougo-kun's sister, huh?" (F/N) said, walking over with a smile on her face. "It's nice to meet you."

Mitsuba's eyes lit up, and she smiled sweetly.

"You must be (F/N)-chan. Sou-chan has been telling me all about you."

"Is that so..."

Oh, god, what did he say?

She narrowed her eyes at him, and he regarded her with equal suspicion. Then she noticed another familiar emotion in his eyes—dread. Dread at the prospect of having to be nice to her for the rest of the day.

It was a feeling she knew all too well.

"Sougo-kun," she said sweetly. "Can you scoot over, please?"

Normally, she would have to boot him out of his seat by force, but in front of his sister, he scooted over without so much as a dirty look. (F/N) could see why he'd been reluctant to get her involved. If she took advantage of this weakness, she'd be way too powerful.

It was a good thing for him she'd promised to be his best friend for the day.

"Hey," she said, eyeing the other end of the table, "isn't that a menu over there?"

Okita handed it to her with a blank expression.

"Haven't you usually had lunch by now?"

"Yeah, but how can you go to a restaurant and not get food? Waiter, one serving of (Favorite Food) please!"

From across the table, Mitsuba chuckled.

"The two of you seem like good friends."

(F/N) smiled. "Yes, we are!"

It wasn't exactly a lie, right?

Meanwhile, Sougo looked even more suspicious.

"Sou-chan was just telling me you're from a wealthy family, is that correct?"

(F/N) glanced at Sougo. He nodded, and (F/N) took that to mean she could tell the truth about everything except the obvious trying-to-kill-people-for-a-hobby thing.

"That's right," she answered. "I'm from the Hitotsubashi Clan. Sougo-kun was hired as my bodyguard a little while ago. It's been nice to be able to go outside more, and everything is so much more fun when he's around!"

That wasn't a lie at all, actually, but Sougo was looking extremely, extremely suspicious.

Mitsuba smiled. "I'm so happy. Sou-chan was never very good at making friends, and I was afraid he might not find any here in Edo. I'm glad he has you, at least."

Hahaha...yeah, sort of.

A few minutes later, (F/N)'s food came, but before she so much as had a chance to take a bite, Mitsuba reached across the table, and dumped a whole bottle of Tabasco on top of it.

Wait...what the heck? Is his sister a sadist, too? He never mentioned that!

(F/N) looked across the table, searching for any sign of a sadistic glint in Mitsuba's eyes, but all she saw was a warm, innocent smile.

"As a show of my appreciation for you taking care of Sou-chan," she explained. "I thought I'd show you an especially delicious way to enjoy this." She met (F/N)'s gaze. "Do you like spicy foods?"

"Um...um..."

Oh, shit! She's a Hijikata!

Meanwhile, Sougo had a hand on his sword.

"You like spicy foods, don't you, (F/N)-chan?"

(F/N) clenched her fists under the table. She'd promised Sougo she would help his sister feel better. She'd promised she'd be a good friend, but she'd never thought that promise would be such a risk to her health. She had to think of something. Fast.

Might as well go with the oldest trick in the book...

"Look over there! It's a Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon!"

To her surprise, it actually worked.

The moment Mitsuba had her back turned, (F/N) lunged towards the window and pulled it open, fully prepared to launch the red-hot hellmix onto some unsuspecting pedestrian. Only, someone else grabbed her from behind, one hand on her waist, the other on her arm, keeping her from moving a single inch.

"Don't you dare," Okita hissed. "You have to eat that—for Sister's sake!"

"If I do this, she'll never have to know!"

"Yes she will! She'll be able to tell—"

"How? Because I won't be dead? Now let go!"

She drew her elbow as hard as she could back into his ribs. His grip loosened, but before she could launch the godless mound of red death into the street, she heard Mitsuba's voice.

"Huh? That's strange. I don't see it. Where did you say it was, (F/N)...chan?"

By the time Mitsuba turned back around, (F/N) and Sougo both had their butts planted in their seats again. However, Sougo was clutching his stomach, and (F/N) was staring down at the evil red mass in front of her, her life flashing before her eyes on an infinite rotation.

"Huh?" Mitsuba blinked. "(F/N)-chan, even though you're Sou-chan's friend, do you not like spicy food—"

Her sentence was cut off be a cough, and (F/N) frantically shook her head.

"No! I love spicy food! Really, I do! See?"

As she lifted the evil concoction to her mouth, she glared at Okita from the corner of her eye.

You. Are. Dead.

Author's Note: Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed! If you did, please remember to vote. Thanks!

-Marguerite Partello