MY UNIQUE WAY OF KILLING MYSELF
"Ew you filthy pig get out of the way, you ugly,"
"Boo! Fatty pig, you don't stand a chance to be our muse,"
"HAHAHA look at her ang baboy her plate is punonh-puno ng foods,"
Ilan lang 'yan sa mga linya ng pambubully sa'kin ng mga classmates ko noon. At the age of 10, I was bullied and I was depressed back then to the point I decided to kill myself by cutting my wrists. I was brought to the hospital but then, sabi nga nila may awa ang Panginoon, kaya di pa ako namatay.
"Anak, let's eat dinner na. I cooked menudo, your favorite," narinig ko ang boses ni Mommy sa pintuan. Napatigil ako sa paglalaro sa computer at itinali ang aking buhok palabas sa aking kwarto.
"Oh Mom where's the bubwit?" I asked Mom when I saw the chair beside me is empty.
"Naku! Nandoon pa sa kwarto niya nanonood ng anime na No Life No Game." Natawa naman ako sa sinabi ni Mom na No Life N—
"Mom, it's No Game No Life. Ang tanda mo na talaga you easily forget na," Napahawak naman ako sa dibdib dahil sa pagkagulat.
"That's enough, kain na tayo, mamaya na 'yan," singit naman ni Dad.
"Itadakimasu," sabay sabay naming wika.
Well, you see we're half Japanese. My dad's Japanese at medyo bihasa na rin ito sa pagtatagalog and my mom's Filipino.
"Nga pala pupunta si Tito Rony ni'yo bukas, ihahatid niya dito si Annie may seminar kasi sa ibang bansa ang Tito ni'yo," I was dumbfounded of what my mom said.
It was not my intention to drop my fork and spoon, kusa itong bumagsak that created a sound.
"Oh na pa'no ka anak?" takang tanong ni daddy.
"A-ano, I'm full dad, akyat na po ako sa taas," I said and hurriedly went up into my room.
I lie down on my bed and open my phone and play instrumental music to calm my mind, hanggang nakatulog ako.
"My beautiful niece what a pleasant surprise, napadalaw kayo?" Tito Rony said and hugged me tight... so t-tight.
"Rusielle, this is your room dito ka matutulog ngayon,"
"And tawagan mo lang ako 'pag may kailangan ka, my room is just infront of yours," dagdag ni Tito na may kakaibang ngiti at tingin sa akin, sa aking katawan.
Nagising ako dahil tila may humahalik sa akin at naging malamig ang paligid. When I opened my eyes. My eyes grew bigger when I realized I was naked and I saw Tito nasa ibabaw ko ito, hinahalika't hinahawakan ang iba't-ibang parte ng aking katawan.
"Anong ginagawa mo sa'kin Tito?! Help mom! Dad! Yamete tito! Mom! D—asdfghjklzxcvbnm," tito placed his hand on my mouth, to stop me from shouting.
"Don't shout and don't tell this to anyone even your mom and dad or else I'll kill you. So don't you dare Rusielle," tito said
while I'm shaking in fear, tears flowing down from my eyes at pinipilit na makawala sa kanya.
"Btw, shout all you want, I forgot soundproof nga pala ang kwarto na ito," he said at naghubad ng kan'yang mga damit. Binukaka niya ang aking hita at pumwesto sa aking gitna at bumulong ng...
"I'll be gentle, Rusielle,"
Napabangon ako sa higaan na puno ng pawis ang aking mukha at malakas ang tibok ng puso because of what I've dreamed of.
I was 13 years old when tito Rony raped me at nasundan pa ito ng ilang beses. The rapping stopped when tito's family migrated in Australia.
Back then I was depressed, I tried to kill myself many times. I took expired meds, I drank poisonous drinks, I ate poisonous mushrooms and other ways to kill myself. But still, I survived.
