Envy in his Eyes || Markhyuck, Mahae

01 - The Glistening Sky

The glistening sky of a dark Seoul was ironically comforting to Lee Donghyuck, and overwhelmingly so. College life wasn't easy, but everyone is all too familiar with that truth now.

  Nothing in life is truly easy.

Whenever hardships come rushing before him, it's the sky that provides Donghyuck with all the solace and protection he so desperately needs. Every vibrant star in the sky embraced by the moon was a different reason for the boy to carry on fighting, a different reason to overcome every obstacle. Self reflection and the sole appreciation of the beautiful world around him helped Donghyuck to cope with his torturous psyche like no one or nothing else could...as of yet. Having heaps of pending college tasks and a reputation to uphold was hard enough, but there were other things that really brought him down, deeper wounds in the precious universe that dwells in his pure, but broken mind. If only the glistening sky of a dark Seoul would bless Donghyuck with an angel who'd save him through and through. If only such hopeless prayers and dreams of his would come truer than true.

It was growing darker and quieter as the college student walked back home from a day filled with stress inducing, nauseating lectures and an endless pit of his own, helpless indolence. He pitied his own fate, confused and clouded with dark thoughts that would never leave his side. Loneliness. Regret. Hatred. He was truly karma's next victim; who everyone else saw as a young, quiet, well-educated pretty boy. He was more than these half truths. Suffering quietly and accepting this hard reality was the only thing he could do now. Mind filled with nothing but pessimism, he eagerly tried to shake away these thoughts. Arriving home, Donghyuck reached for his key and unlocked the front door. At an instant, the warmth coming from the central heating seemed to pull him in, blanketing his body, causing him to break into a short-lived smile. It smelt like chicken pie in the well-lit hallway where he could hear his parents talking blissfully. It reminded Donghyuck of Seollal celebrations with his extended family. He was grateful to have a network of loving relatives even though they couldn't spend enough valuable time with him, even though their love couldn't eliminate the sadness. Only seeing his cousins, aunts and uncles once a year on Seollal was enough though. How he loved to escape from ordinary life on those days, and feel like true security and happiness was not so out of reach.

"Hyucka!"

Donghyuck's mother called for her son as she heard the door. The 20-year-old sighed and walked into the living room which was now looking rather empty. Less blissful. Just like it should be. His father was staring deeply at his newspaper with a serious frown plastered across his face, drinking cinnamon tea with the same awkward aggression just as any other normal evening. His mother was smiling adoringly, offering Donghyuck some dinner. That was when he noticed broken glass scattered in a corner of the carpet. Before he could open his mouth to ask-

"Why are you so late?" His father bluntly inquired, not moving his eyes away from the paper, the front page reading'North Korea threatens escalation in tensions unless South Korea halt border incursions' . The ongoing war between the two nations was always at the back of Donghyuck's mind, pestering him infinitely. He was afraid for his own future, but endlessly appreciative that he was born on the right side, away from tyrannical oppression.

"I just-" before the boy could continue after a long pause, an interrupting voice came from the staircase behind them. It was his older brother,

Lee Taeyong

"Listen!" He started, loudly. "If you two threaten me like that again, I'm taking him down with me! Understand?"

The broken glass on the floor started to make sense.

Donghyuck felt himself cringe slightly at his older brother's words. Taeyong would get awfully jealous and frustrated sometimes, his personality disorder making matters worse. Though, this time, Donghyuck didn't quite understand what Taeyong was referring to. Even then, his emotional state was never his fault.

"Hyung?" Donghyuck rose to face his brother, and was feeling rather hot as the heating  was set too high. He looked down and breathed out.

At this moment, the boys' father stood up, tossing the newspaper on the coffee table and clearing his throat. "Taeyong. Back upstairs." He ordered sternly.

"No." Taeyong's eyes began to appear wet, as he tried to not let tears slip from them. "You can't send me away, you can't. It's not my fault, I told you didn't I? You know that, don't you?" Taeyong's voice was cracking now.

He turned 25 a few months ago, but his BPD was far from improved. He often isolated himself from everyone else, left alone with his depressing thoughts. Taeyong didn't know how to act, his irrationality proving to be difficult to deal with. His father decided that admitting the boy to a therapeutic institute was the best course of action. Evidently and unsurprisingly, Taeyong strongly disagreed, and threatened to harm his younger brother, Donghyuck, in response.

Instead of arguing further, their father replied with a vague "I'll see." and returned to his seat. Even though his voice appeared harsh and serious, Donghyuck knew his father was putting on a temporary act for Taeyong's approval and his safety. Taeyong rolled his eyes and went back to his room, still feeling bothered. One star among the glistening sky of a dark Seoul symbolised his brother. He would still love him forever. He was still a reason to live for.

"Honey," Donghyuck's mother stroked lightly at her husband's shoulder, standing behind him. He turned around. "Do you really think it's the best thing to do? Should we really take this big step and send Tae away?"

"Yes." Was all he said.

"But what about Hyuck?" She was clearly worried that this decision could possibly be the downfall of many ties within the family. She was afraid for both of her sons.

"Nothing will happen to me." Donghyuck interjected, picking up his backpack from the floor. "Taeyong hyung doesn't mean it, he won't do anything to me. Besides, I know how to take care of myself."

"That's right. There is nothing else left to do. The psychotherapy programme is for Taeyong's own good, it'll help him and help us." His father tried to convince his wife. With that, Donghyuck left the room, hesitantly ignoring the shards of glass. He didn't want to even begin imagining how Taeyong must have reacted earlier, or how the glass shattered in the first place.

Tip-toeing up the stairs, Donghyuck was regrettably met with a grating hold at his arm. The boy froze for a small moment, sharp pain seemingly passed through his veins. "Lee Taeyong! Let go of me!" The younger almost hissed, immediately feeling guilty for scolding him. Taeyong gently pushed his brother against the closet's door. Donghyuck felt his head aching, pre-syncope. He swallowed nervously, waiting for him to speak.

"Tell them. Tell them I don't need therapy." Taeyong finally said, sounding surprisingly calm. Donghyuck was still feeling rather dazed with the sudden hostility.

"...but it's good for you. You'll feel better."

"You just don't fucking get it, do you? I said..." Taeyong scoffed for a moment before continuing. "I said I don't need any therapy! Why don't you fucking understand? You're really asking to suffer aren't you?" Taeyong yelled, grabbing onto Donghyuck's wrist in a threatening manner. "If you don't listen, I'll ruin you." Even though his brother's ways were nothing new, Donghyuck couldn't help but be upset at the encounter, he felt like as Taeyong grew older, his anger progressed too. He missed being loved by his Hyung. He truly missed that bond they once shared as children. Anxieties and worries in Hyuck's universe would only grew larger. He yearned to achieve the best for his older brother, but he also had to protect himself. Someone had to face a sacrifice and he wasn't ready to give himself up just yet, but the glistening sky of a dark Seoul was comforting to Lee Donghyuck.