Hold on I still want you

Chapter 8

Clary had asked Alec if he wanted her to stay with him, Alec knew she happily would do that for him. But she was hurting too and deserved to be with Izzy. Alec kept in contact with Simon, who had told him about Raphael trying to kiss him and the tension between Raphael and Jace. Alec was mad at Raphael but Simon reassured him that Raphael had apologised. Alec had wondered if he should talk to Jace but Jace could get defensive and angry easily and he didn't want to cause more tension and stress for Simon. 

Chairman Meow  leapt gracefully onto Alec's lap and he stroked him in an attempt to gain comfort. "I love him so much, I wish he would believe me. I only want to be a vampire because I love him but now... Does he even still love me anymore?" Alec said brokenly. Chairman Meow cuddled close against Alec as though trying to comfort him. 

"I never stopped loving you. I love  you so much". 

Alec was so startled that Chairman Meow nearly fell off his lap. "Magnus, you're back?" 

Magnus had come back to the apartment without Alec noticing, as he was so focused on talking to Chairman Meow. Magnus had still been unsure about what to do, part of him was leaning towards breaking up with Alec. But then he had heard how broken and upset he was and what he said to his cat. Alec had thought he was alone, he wouldn't need to lie to a cat. Magnus realized then that Alec had been telling the truth. 

Along with the realization came the terrible guilt Magnus felt. He had already messed up so badly by forgetting Alec's 21st birthday and being cruel to him on his birthday. But now he had hurt Alec even more. 

"Alexander, I know I really hurt you and I'm so sorry. I should have listened to you but I was too angry and I let my past with Camille cloud my judgement. I have known from the beginning that you were nothing like her, and yet I still hurt you. I am so sorry", Magnus said as he hesitantly sat beside Alec, unsure if Alec would want him close. 

"You still love me?" 

Alec sounded so hurt that Magnus couldn't help but hug him, "Yes I do, and I understand if you can't forgive me now. I already have so much to make for. But you are more than worth the effort". 

They stayed like that for a long time, Alec was glad Magnus had said that as he wasn't sure if he was ready to forgive Magnus and Magnus had done that deliberately to give him an out. Alec was so grateful Magnus had done that for him. 

They spent the next day making the most of the last day they had together. Magnus felt terrible for leaving Alec alone when he needed him most and as he knew Alec had been looking forward to spending the week with him. Magnus wanted Alec to have more time off but he didn't want to get him in more trouble with Victor. He knew Victor was going to give Alec a hard time as it was with just one week off when he came back to the institute tomorrow. 

"Alexander are you certain you want to become a vampire? There is no going back once you have become one". Magnus was sitting on his sofa with Alec's head in his lap while he played with Alec's hair. Now that Magnus knew Alec was telling the truth, he needed to be sure that Alec really did want this. He understood if his actions had made Alec change his mind, he didn't deserve to have Alec forever after he had hurt him so much. 

"I do still want to, I know there will be consequences but you are more than worth them". 

"You're amazing Alexander". 

Alec blushed shyly at the praise. "You are too, I am so lucky to have an alpha like you". Alec was still hurting but Magnus was different from most alphas. Other alphas would have not apologised and would come back expecting him to submit to them, even if they had been in the wrong not him. But Magnus had recognized what he did was wrong and had apologized and was even still try to make it up to him. It made him love Magnus even more.