Just Can't Take It

Chapter 1 Routine

It's been 2 weeks since she has been gone. Everything I've done has been a routine, get up, eat lunch, get home, shower, and get less and less sleep. It's like I'm a zombie. Music is a big help, even if it is just a bunch of songs that remind me of what I lost, and texting him seems to help but he isn't here to know how bad things are, then again he thinks I'm fine because of all my fake smiles.

I do that strangely well.  I guess Dexter Morgan taught me something of importance after all. My eyes burn from the crying and lack of sleep but I still am still chugging along. My parents haven't noticed that I haven't been eating, and they certainly don't realize that I'm any different, but they never pay attention anyway.

So this is what it is, depression. Never thought it happen to me, and no one ever does. I write poetry to try to help get my emotions out but it isn't worth saving, and just in time I get a phone call, it's him, Jake. He seems to be the thing that keeps me most afloat. We fight sometimes but we can't help but forgive each other.

"hey, " Jake says as I put my phone on speaker so I can try to continue writing a poem that I know I'm going to fail at.

I try to sound happy though I know there is zero use in trying "hey, what's up cutie." then I mess up on the writing "crap!"

"what is going on? Not trying to talk and make food again are you? Because last time you did that you dropped your phone and you couldn't use it for an hour." I could hear him smiling when he was saying every syllable,which made me just smile.

"The only reason that happened was because my niece was trying to grab my phone and it fell. I'm actually writing a poem but misspelled something" I giggled which made him laugh.

"is it about me?" he seemed intrigued. When I didn't answer he said, "I take that as a yes."  I said nothing cause I wasn't about to say no it's actually about my dead grandmother, would you like to hear it?  It would have made thing quite awkward, so I let him believe it was about him, I'll write him one later

"so you seemed really off today." I couldn't help but think, oh my god he knows.

I tried to throw him off, "oh I just had a big test today, I just got really stressed out about it but everything is cool now."

Jake sounded relieved," Good so are you ready for the competition this weekend? " We are both band geeks, and wouldn't want it any other way. We always love the thrill of a competition and seeing other bands.

I yawned as I said,"of course, I can't wait!"

"well I'm gonna go to bed, love you Kelly."

"i love you too Jake." I hit the end button then suddenly felt alone again. A shiver ran through my body as I layed alone quietly in my room waiting for sleep to take over me.