A collection of small poems (Lo fi beats and rain in the background)

4 AM

You let me know how you felt

Our talks never ended, until they did.
I don't feel the same way in my bones. I was so sure you were the one that now I'm not sure I can trust myself.

I used to love you like you love a spouse. It was unconditional, (except you had to change)
It was deep (except I couldn't tell you the truth)
It did not judge (except when you weren't perfect)
It was not self serving (except I was lonely)
It was not proud (except no one knew you were an addict)
It was not vain (except I only showed pictures of us I looked good in)
It was not kind (except when it was)

We were not good together. I thought we were but I was wrong and I'm sorry I have such poor judgement.
I learned from you the way you learn from a car crash.

I learned from you the way you learn how it feels to have your body thrown against your seat and your neck whip to the side, restrained but not safe.

My metaphors are long winded, but so was our relationship.

Both are somewhere between me forcing in the truth and letting the words lie as they are.

It wasn't all bad, but I couldn't enjoy the good without regret.

If god is love, then I guess I'm spiritual, But I've still never witnessed a miracle.

As a child of divorce it isn't surprising I'm not surprised. It's surprising it took so long.

Why do I still believe in love when I can't believe in you?

I want to cry, but not for you. I want to cry because I'm angry I shouldn't be angry. I want to cry because there was such an obvious decline in our relationship, and I feel so stupid not seeing it before. The red flags conducted me into the airport, but I never let them warn me. I never listened to the surgeon general when I breathed in your tar and flicked away the evidence, buying into you time and time again.

I'm quitting, I swear I'll never touch one (or you,) again.

You should've told me how you felt, sooner