Conceal || ItsFunneh AU

12 | conceal, don't feel

"Is something going on?" He asks, his voice heart-wrenchingly soft and gentle.

"No... why would you ask that?" I let out a chuckle that sounds all too fake. Walking away, I self-consciously run a hand through my hair, and my fingertips brush against my pointy ears.

"I forgot to ask: how was your day?"

I pause so Calix can catch up. "It was... mediocre."

"How's your art project going?" Calix taps his apartment fob against the scanner and the front door clicks open. Pulling it open, he turns around and sees my shocked expression. "Uh, I saw you in the art room yesterday. And Funneh mentioned how much time you've been spending in the art room recently."

He talks with Funneh?

"It's... not a project, exactly? I'm just randomly drawing." I walk past him and into the small lobby.

"Drawing what?"

"Just... stuff. I have a lot on my mind, so I'm trying to get them down on paper to examine them closer." I'm shocked at how open I'm being. What's happening?

"I get that," Calix presses the elevator button. "What's the painting looking like so far?"

"I have no idea." That's not a lie, per se. The canvas has just been looking like a blob of... darkness. Very depressing, I know. "So far, I just have a lot of dark trees."

"Sounds ominous," he chuckles, walking into the arrived elevator.

"Yeah, right? I have a few different coloured light orbs scattered around, and a sun halo at the back, but that's it."

"Is it open to visitors?"

I pause for a quick second. An artwork is an artist's closest, and most vulnerable pride. "...Sure."

I see his grin on the reflection of the mirrored elevator walls, and I smile back.

We arrive at his floor and I walk along the familiar hallway. I'm now familiar enough to know where each painting sits, where the fire exit is, and how many rooms are on this floor.

That fact... concerns me.

His bedroom is familiar too. I know where he keeps his stash of emergency candies (a fact I doubt he knows I know), the perpetually opened bag of chips on his counter, and I know his fridge probably only has soy milk, a cabbage, and leftover boxes.

Opening his fridge, I see my prediction is right.

"What are you smiling at?"

I didn't realize I was smiling. "Oh, nothing. Just feeling bad for your poor cabbage."

Calix walks over and stands behind me. "You're right, I should go grocery shopping." I can feel his breath on the nape of my neck, and it feels weirdly intimate.

"Do you even know what to get?" My voice is light, but my whole back is tensed in his presence.

He chuckles, and the deep sound travels through my ears and down my body, merging with my blood vessels. "I suppose I'd have to beg you to come."

"No need for begging. I'll willingly come, just to make sure you don't die of nutrient deficiency."

"Thank God for you." Is it just me, or is his voice huskier?

Panic suddenly floods through me and I grab the carton of soy milk before spinning around, forcing him to back up.

"Do you want a cup?" I ask, pretending nothing had happened.

I can feel his confusion and, maybe, hurt. "No, thank you."

My hand is trembling as I pour myself a cup, and a few drops fall out of the cup and onto the counter. I take a sip to steady myself, and by the time the cup is back on the counter, my face is neutral and my voice normal. "Let's start, shall we?"

Tutoring Calix manages to distract me from the life-changing meeting in the woods tonight, but as our session comes to an end, my anxiety blooms up again.

What if she can't fix me? What if something goes wrong? What if she realizes I'm not worthy enough to live? What if-

"Lunar."

My eyes snap up to meet Calix's calm, warm, brown eyes. A lock of hair falls over his forehead and covers his eyes. "Sorry, what were you saying?"

"Rainbow told me to walk you home today. I know you have something planned after this," Calix adds as I open my mouth. "I'll just accompany you. I can just wait outside if you want, I don't have to come in, but we just want to make sure you're safe."

Panic rises up, accompanied by rage. "Are you kidding me?" I snap, harsher than I intended. Calix looks away, and guilt surges through me. But not enough to push down the anger and panic. "Why is everyone treating me like a child? I just turned 16, for God's sake, why am I still being babysat?"

"That's not—"

"Calix," I take a deep breath and try to ignore the hurt in his eyes. "We should keep our distance from each other."

"But—"

"Don't you get it? You're too nice, too friendly, too cute—everything I'm not!" I don't know when I started crying, but fat droplets of tears are dripping down my chin.

Calix looks shocked. He's too shocked to even notice I called him cute. "Lunar, I—"

"No, I'm not finished." I swallow hard as a cry comes bubbling up. "You and I? We can't happen. I don't care how cliche this sounds. We are not, and never will be, together."

I've said it. I've put my feelings out there.

No, not my feelings. My intentions.