Laying on the grass and listening to a podcast during the lunch break. Looking at the sky and all I can think of is that I was happy but heartbroken at the same time. My mind was never more unclear than at that very moment.
Luke, the guy that I thought I had a crush on for over a year, was laying in the grass near me listening to the same podcast. He got closer to me and our arms were touching at some point, and even tho I wanted to cuddle so bad I couldn't do it. We are just friends and we both agreed to that.
My mind was wondering everywhere. It hurts, but not all the time. Just late at night when I am alone and I can't fall asleep and I all I have is my fantasies and my wish that he would be there with me, and when he is there near me laying on the grass and I can't do anything about it.
It hurts when we're out with friends and I catch him a thousand times looking at me. It hurts when he flirts with me and when he winks at me, but I can't imagine not being friends with him at all. It would hurt more every time I will see him at school or out with friends.
I just accepted it.
I have accepted the fact that I am hopelessly in love with him. I have accepted the fact that we will not be together. I have accepted the fact that nobody or nothing can save me and I am too deep down to be taken out again.
