One Of Us

Shadow Chaser

Life at Ekero settled very quickly into something approaching heaven as far as Bjorn was concerned, his mental state improved rapidly and his physical wounds were getting close to being totally healed, he had watched Emma bloom and start to become the little girl that he had always dreamed of her being. It wasn't all plain sailing, far from it but if he was honest he was glad that it hadn't been or he would be constantly fretting that it was all too good to be true and that it couldn't possibly last. Emma had spent many nights sleeping with him as she struggled to get her mind around what she'd seen and experienced, her anxieties were easing, helped in no small part by Anna's tender loving care and understanding and much to Bjorn's bemusement and endless relief Anna had accepted the situation without rancour and had welcomed Emma into their bed for as long as it had taken for Emma to feel safe and secure. Anna had spent as many hours as him soothing Emma and reassuring her that she was loved, safe and wanted, he just couldn't fathom the difference between her and Lena, it made his mind genuinely spin. When he'd asked her about it several times, she'd given him that smile and told him she loved him and the girls, that it was normal for her. He himself had made a start on the long journey to regaining his self confidence and had made enormous strides with Linda and Christian as they had made the adjustment to living together and him being a hands on Papa with them. There had been fights, the first time he'd heard Linda properly let her guard down forgetting he was there and yell at her mother in a typical teenage strop Bjorn had been appalled at Linda's language and behaviour and had made short work of the stairs to get to them. Anna had been at the end of her tether, nearly in tears as Linda screamed at her what a terrible mother she was, how she'd ruined her life, would never let her do anything and she would go out with her friends whether Anna said yes or not "But I didn't say you couldn't go Linda!" Anna was protesting "I'm asking where the party is, who is going and when it is Linda. I haven't decided one way or the other" Linda continued screaming and shouting completely out of control and not listening to what was being said. Bjorn walked into the room scowling "What in the world is going on?" he demanded "Linda I'm not impressed with you disrespecting your mother in this way whatever is happening" he saw Linda visibly jump but she wasn't ready to back down "and you can't tell me what to do either!! You havent been here, you didn't care before now, you just want her" she spat. Bjorn's eyes narrowed as he caught Anna's eyes and he read her faith in him. He sighed inwardly and tamped his own flare of temper, this was his first experience of Linda in full blown teenage hormonal tantrum mode, he needed to start as he meant to go on. He waited in silence until Linda met his eyes, it took a while but he waited her out, this was a battle he had to win, she eventually did albeit reluctantly and he fought a smile as he admired her spirit. A fine mix of her mother and him he considered privately. He raised an eyebrow "My absence has no bearing on the way you speak to your mother Linda. Your mother did not bring you up to be so rude and disrespectful, of that I am sure" he said softly "I have never not been part of your life but you have never shown this side of yourself to me. Is this what your mother has to put up with when I'm not here?" he enquired curiously "Is this the true nature of my beautiful beloved daughter? Do I only get to see the good part?" Linda was starting to look uncomfortable "Yes I want your mother, that is true but Linda you keep telling me you are grown, that you are not a baby so let me tell you exactly how it is. I love your mother very much and I love you just as much in a different way. You say you're old enough to understand so try to understand this, you were born out of our love, we made you together and this?" he waved his hand around encompassing the whole situation "it hurts me to see your mother and you at each others throats like this and it hurts your mother. LOOK at her Linda, she didn't do anything to deserve you screaming like this. Had you listened properly you would have heard her ask perfectly reasonable questions that I also would have asked. No one has said no yet. Would you expect us to let our much loved daughter go to a party without questions? We ask because we love you, we want you to be safe and it would destroy your mother if something happened to you. Its because you are born out of our love that we care so much, it isn't done to make your life difficult" he explained quietly "How would you feel if we just let you go? If Mama didn't care enough to be sure you were safe?" there was a silence while Bjorn waited just long enough for Linda to lower her eyes and he said "so tell me Linda is this the real Linda that you've never let me see? If it is why are you so embarrassed to let me see this now Linda?" he paused "I wonder if its because you know that your behaviour is not acceptable, you know that you are out of order? Linda we are not so old that we cannot remember what it is like to be a teenager, we both remember the mood swings and the hormones. Your mother was no angel" he winked at Anna who rolled her eyes and smiled slightly "and neither was I, you think you are the first, the only one who has ever felt like this, you think you are the only one who has ever fought the whole world or felt like the whole world hated you? You aren't Linda, you aren't the first, nor will you be the last" he sighed and wandered over to Anna and held out his hand and she grabbed it. He turned back to face her "Answer me Linda, is this the real Linda I see before me? Have you lied to me for the past 6 years? If it is I'm disappointed in your behaviour and it will change, your mother does not deserve this, she deserves to see the Linda that I know and I won't stand for anymore of it. I love you but you will show your mother respect. If it isn't and this is just a bad day then you will apologise to your mother and we will discuss your party calmly and properly. Have a think, consider your actions, consider how you would like to be treated and come down and find us when you are ready to discuss this like the adult you say you are" he tugged Anna with him and they left the room in silence.
Neither of them said a word as they came down the stairs and went into the kitchen, Anna surprised him and did something she hadn't done for years "Up" his brows lifted as he faced her "Up?" he questioned and just like that he saw her demons come, they filled her eyes in a heartbeat "I forgot I'm fat now, I'm too heavy. I'll hurt you" and she tried to pull away "I'm sorry!"
He wasn't having that "Oh no you don't Anna Bella" he grabbed her waist "There are still things I'm not used to being able to do, wonderful things I've forgotten. Now up!" she shied away from him and he cursed himself for his mistake and he cursed the world for the damage it had done her. He took matters into his own hands literally and physically lifted her off the floor with absolute ease "I said up Anna and I meant it" he told her firmly " You won't hurt me. I'm healing well. I just forgot what I was supposed to do with you, its been so long" Anna met his eyes as she took his words on board, realised he was telling her the absolute truth and that he wasn't struggling with her weight, he was just stood like she weighed nothing at all. "Arms Anna" he reminded her gently "I remember what I'm supposed to do now" he chuckled so she hesitantly put her arms around his neck "I.." she started "Ah ah Bella" he silenced her by pecking her lips gently "I could carry you just like this for the rest of my life and you know it. You just surprised me thats all. I find it hard to remember that I'm allowed to touch. I want all of it now you've jogged my memory so give it to me Anna" he squeezed her reassuringly "Gimme, Gimme, Gimme" he teased intent on chasing the shadows from her eyes, he watched her swallow nervously then felt her legs wrap around his waist as she allowed herself to trust "a man after midnight?" she whispered bravely "just as soon as all the kids are asleep" he promised tracing her lips with his finger "I'll chase the shadows away, I see them in your eyes Anna bella. They have no right to be there" her eyes finally caught fire and the ice blue gaze she settled on him seared his soul "Will you take me through the darkness to the break of the day?" she whispered continuing the slowburning game "Till the end of my days Anna I promise I will, every single night shadows and demons or not, nightmares or not. I'll take you through the darkness to the break of the day. I won't let you go" he vowed quietly. She relaxed against him and allowed him to take her full weight, he did not falter "You were brilliant with Linda Bjorn, absolutely brilliant. I mean it. I'm not just saying it, I know I overthink things with her, I know she's not a baby anymore but she'll always be my baby, our baby" she corrected hastily "Yes she will" Bjorn agreed "I do get bogged down in tit for tat with her, you didn't" she sighed. "Anna you're her Mama" Bjorn comforted her "this still may not work and even if it does I'll eventually lose the novelty factor but I needed to start as I mean to go on, I'm here for the long haul" he kissed her gently and the love she felt pouring out of him made her eyes sting "God this feels good" he mumbled against her lips "what does?" Anna asked "this, me being allowed to touch you, to carry you. I want you like this always, it turns me on Anna" he admitted helplessly "I love you" she whispered "We'll add it to the list, we have a young madam to wait out upstairs, a baby who will surely wake if we start something, Christian is due back from football in 15 minutes and Emma is too quiet" he grinned "I'm so happy Anna" and kissed her again "You're sure it's not too much of a good thing? Not too boring and domestic?" she asked "Oh no Anna absolutely not" he denied with no hesitation "I have everything I ever dreamed of, more but believe me when I tell you that your man is coming after midnight"
She giggled as she let go "I hope so, I'm ready and waiting" Bjorn growled in frustration "Anna that doesn't help me at all" and they both laughed.
A chastened Linda came downstairs nearly an hour later swollen eyed and red faced, she came to find them in the kitchen. Bjorn was sat at the table with Christian wrestling with his maths homework and baby Anna was next to him in the highchair. Anna was debating what to have for tea with Emma's help, Bjorn looked up and remarked "take a seat Linda, nice to have you with us" and carried on with Christian's homework, he never said a word other than that. He put the ball very much in Linda's court and again waited her out "I'm sorry Papa" she said eventually when the silence from him became too much for her to bear "Is it me that you need to apologise to?" he asked conversationally "it was not me that you were screaming at and saying such hurtful things to was it?" she shook her head "No it wasn't" he agreed "You would have let me go if you weren't here" she mumbled "she always stops me but its not me her weirdos are after, its her" Bjorn looked up to see Anna valiantly holding back her tears "she's right Bjorn" Anna admitted "I do stop her, maybe too much. My weirdos as she calls them would take her to get to me, she does lose out. It IS my fault" "Anna, that isn't what we're currently discussing" he comforted her gently "but we will come back to that after we've dealt with this, come and sit. I think we need a...." he hesitated while he searched for the right way to put it "family meeting" she settled opposite him and Emma clambered onto her lap with no encouragement. Bjorn was momentarily diverted by the sight but focused his mind with a snap "We are discussing what Linda said to you and how she spoke to you, then we are going to discuss how we all speak to each other" he addressed the whole table "Your Mama and I have learnt a lot from our time apart, both of us wish that it hadn't happened, I also lost precious time with you two and I will forever regret that more than you know. On the other hand if it hadn't I wouldn't have Emma and baby Anna, I wouldn't change that for the world and I think neither would Mama" Anna immediately said "No, never, you two are the only good things that have come out of it all" she hugged Emma tightly and she giggled totally secure. "The point I'm making" Bjorn interrupted before his heart got totally diverted "is that your Mama and I have gone to hell and back learning how to talk to each other, learning to respect each others point of view and how to listen, we will always be learning because we neither of us can be without each other again" Linda frowned and said "I don't see what..." "No I know you don't Linda which is why I'm talking about it. Its part of being an adult to learn how to listen and to treat people with respect, our own mistakes show the damage that can be done. Your mother has valid concerns and she IS your mother, she has done an amazing job under very difficult circumstances. I also understand that you feel like she holds you back but you in turn need to understand there are very good reasons why she has done certain things. I would have done the same if the postions had been reversed and I will continue to do so. If your mother and I feel that something isn't safe for you I will be no different, obviously I've not had to deal with this side of you and the situation we all find ourselves in but I will be now with your mother" "Why should I pay for you two being famous?? Why should I?? I wasn't in ABBA. You two had the good stuff and just because you're happy being boring now I have to miss out. I hate ABBA, I hate that Mama is all over the papers, I hate that my life is public. I hate that Mama has weirdos. It isn't normal. Why can't you two just be normal and boring?? "she yelled and even from across the table Bjorn felt Anna's heart break." Linda we have all paid a price for ABBA, it wasn't all what you see in the pictures. It was bloody hard work most of the time, it was a lot of pressure and I could never have done it without your mother but I made your mother do things that she shouldn't have had to do" he sighed "Times were different then, there are things we should have done differently but we were young Linda and didn't know what would come, all four of us have paid a very heavy price but that isn't really for today's discussion" he shared "but it does have a bearing on the way I react with you Linda, ABBA has made me shy of the world" Anna explained honestly "whether you like it or not you are the daughter of two famous people and that makes you vulnerable, I try to keep you safe" "Lets get back to the point here for a moment" Bjorn reminded them "Linda, whatever your reasoning is it is not ok to speak to your mother in such a way. An apology would be a good start" he sat back and waited, the silence stretched as Linda did battle with her pride and conscience "I'm sorry Mama" eventually was whispered "I just... I am sorry" "I know baby" Anna said soothingly "its hard for you at the moment but it hurts me when I'm just doing my best to look after you and you find it necessary to yell at me" Anna juggled Emma a little "I realise things have changed and you may feel insecure but I have endless love for all of you, there's enough to go round and I LOVE you. I couldn't love you more than I do" Linda fidgeted uncomfortably." it isn't that Mama, I do know that" "Sometimes I want freedom as well Linda, I'd love to just go to a park and walk or the beach. I'd like to be able to go to the supermarket or out with friends. I'd like to be able to go out with Papa and be normal but I can't, it isn't just you. There is always a price to pay for ABBA for all of us but it does give us a wonderful life where we don't have to worry about affording stuff, where Papa and I are in the lucky position of being able to choose what we do" Bjorn nodded in agreement "Linda you are able to have whatever you want when you want within reason, you have never had to worry but as Mama says there is a price to pay for that privileged life." he sat back as Christian cuddled into him "What do you think is the best way to talk to people Christian?" he asked "be kind" was Christian's answer "Good boy!!" Bjorn praised him and Anna looked proud "I'm going to say respectfully" Bjorn added "Emma?" he asked "No shouting" Emma said quietly and Linda had the grace to look guilty "I'm sorry Emma I didn't mean to scare you, its just a fight no one will get hurt" and Bjorn admired his eldest daughter's perception. He winked at her and allowed his lips to tilt slightly "Mama's going to say think before we speak" Anna added her thoughts "Can we do these things?" Bjorn wondered out loud "Yes, we will try" Anna said decisively "all of us, Papa and me too" she opened her arms and Linda wandered into them "after tea, you me and Papa will talk about your party ok? Just us" Linda nodded and whispered "ok, I do love you Mama" "I know baby and I love you too" "I don't know what I'm doing sometimes Mama and before I know it I'm yelling" "Its all part of growing up Linda" Bjorn reassured her "but you'll try and do it differently next time yes?" "I will try Papa, I do love having you here. I don't want you to go away again" Linda mumbled anxiously. Bjorn's heart swelled with love for his daughter, teenager or not he adored her "I'm not going anywhere Linda, there's nothing on this earth would make me leave again" he said firmly "so get that idea right out of your head. We'll talk about this later" he said decisively.
As promised later on that evening after the younger girls had gone to bed and Christian was watching tv Linda, Bjorn and Anna sat at the table and settled to their discussion "I'm sorry Linda that you feel I'm stopping you doing the things normal teenagers do, you have a point. I do but will you listen to the reasons that I do?" Anna ventured "I know you love me" Linda answered a touch defensively "Oh I do and that is the driving force behind every action I take. My weirdos as you call them are getting worse, I'm very sorry that they affect your life , more than you could know. If I could stop it I would but for now I can't" Anna got up from the table to pace, an action that Bjorn knew well for it was a sign of her agitation. "I want you to go to the party baby as long as its safe for you, I don't want you to miss out because of the things I did or the way people view me" Bjorn couldn't stay quiet at this point "Now Anna, that isn't fair to you, you didn't do anything wrong, this is not your fault." he sighed "its bloody unfair say the least that you have been singled out and none of the rest of us have had any issue" he focused his attention on Linda "Where is this party Linda? With who? When?" she answered his questions with no hesitation earning both Bjorn and Anna's trust. "Ok, lets get this sorted so we are all happy. I want to talk to your friend's parents" he held up a hand before Linda could protest "they will understand Linda, they will remember us, they know what your Mama goes through , its in the press everyday. Its that or nothing Linda and I will take you, not Mama. No one is on the look out for me. I will also collect you. It is non negotiable, I understand and share your mother's concerns. We trust you to act responsibly, are we clear?" Linda nodded eagerly "Anna, are you comfortable with this?" he checked "I'm always going to worry" she admitted "but if you will take her and collect her I can live with it" Bjorn nodded "so the answer from you Anna is?" "Yes" Anna replied "so long as she stays at the party and doesn't go anywhere else"
The squealing that Linda evinced was ear splitting and both Anna and Bjorn made haste to hush her then Anna got the giggles "Good lord Linda" "I'm just soooo happy" she said and then promptly burst into tears which made Bjorn roll his eyes and chuckle "Women!" he grumbled humorously as he went off to phone the parents who were holding the party.
An hour later Bjorn and Anna were flopped on the sofa, all the kids were settled and in bed though Linda was watching TV in her room "You passed your first test as the Papa of a stroppy teenager with flying colours Bjorn" she told him truthfully "I told you you're the best Papa I know except for my Papa" she winked at him mischievously and he grinned "I'll take that anyday thank you" he shook his head "is that how she is all the time with you? I don't know how you've managed her all this time" Anna hummed "Its only been since she turned 13 but pretty much, it feels like a long time ago but it isn't. Maybe it will settle a bit with you here, she missed you. We all missed you" she admitted.
Bjorn's smile lit up Anna's world and she blinked at the sheer joy and contentment she could see in his eyes "What are you doing right the way over there?" he enquired grumpily "I just flopped where I dropped" she grinned. "Well unflop your way over here" he sat up and reached for her pulling her over to him for a snuggle "Do you think its going ok Anna? The whole thing? Its not too much for you? Its been good hasn't it?" he asked. Anna snuggled in tight "its been the stuff of dreams Bjorn, squabbles, terrible nappies, endless washing, endless tidying and cooking" His heart fell like a stone "I'm sorry I..." he was silenced by her kissing him and as always they ignited rapidly. Anna tore her lips away and held his face in her hands "and I've never been fucking happier Bjorn, never. Don't give up on us now" he wrapped his arms around her and read the truth in her eyes "Really?" he questioned urgently "Its been a bumpy ride" "Yes it has" she whispered "but I'm with you and we're getting good at getting over bumps. You and our brood is all I'll ever want or need" she pulled at his t shirt until she had it half way up his chest "what are you doing?" he enquired gently "not that I'm complaining" she blushed and he grinned. She took his hand and placed it gently on his scar then covered his hand with her own "Remember how we got here Bjorn, we both need to remember." He smiled a bit mistily as he remembered that conversation they'd had about his scar when he was struggling "Yes absolutely" his hand flexed under hers "there isn't a bump big enough to pull us to pieces again, you were right you know. I'm glad I have this scar....for a lot of reasons actually" she slid down a bit and pushed his hand off the scar and for the first time gently laid her lips on it, she was not shy of kissing every bit of it and Bjorn's eyes stung as his fingers tangled in her hair, his mental wounds from being made to feel revolting and disgusting for so many years were not yet fully healed but they were getting there and he marvelled that Anna could bear to kiss such a scar but he did not demur, he'd learnt that she meant what she said and she'd proved it over and over again just as he'd proved to her just as many times that he loved her, he would not leave her.

He wiped his eyes with his free hand and pulled her away gently, he landed a swooping kiss on her lips and then stood and pulled his t shirt the rest of the way off and stuck it in the waistband of his jeans before looking at his watch "two minutes past midnight Anna Bella, your man after midnight is impatient, he has shadows to chase away" He pulled her unresisting form off the sofa Anna's husky "Gimme, Gimme, Gimme" soothed his soul as it always would.