Words Left Unsaid

Say Something, Anything

It didn't take long for Gang Tae to notice that Moon Young was acting differently. They were inhabitants of the same house, but she didn't seek him out when he was alone anymore. The brothers and Moon Young still had breakfast together, but she had purchased some milk and cereal and preferred to have that instead of whatever Gang Tae was preparing. "You don't have to worry about making me breakfast from tomorrow. I like cereal, I'll have that from now on," she had said a couple of days ago at the breakfast table, nevertheless gulping down the soup and eggs he made for her that morning. It was on the tip of his tongue to say that he didn't mind making her breakfast, that he actually enjoyed it because she devoured whatever he fed her. But as usual, he held back from saying what he wanted to her.

The difference now was that she hardly said much to him. It wasn't that she was giving him the cold shoulder. She never missed breakfast and took part in all the morning conversations with him and Sang Tae. She even stuck around to help clean up, and waved at him from the driveway as he drove off to work. But she didn't text him anymore to come home, or ask him to do things with her. She didn't seek him out when he returned home from work. She didn't flirt aggressively with him like she used to. To his horror, he realised that he was waiting for her with anticipation to say something provocative to him, and when those words never came, he was disappointed.

Meanwhile, she seemed to be spending more and more time with Sang Tae. He came home from work to find them watching cartoons together in the brothers' room and discussing the characters, and was surprised to see that Sang Tae had dropped the honorific and was calling her Go Moon Young. It was heartwarming to see them talk. Moon Young always talked to Sang Tae like she talked to anyone else, and it seemed Sang Tae really thrived in this dynamic. He smiled as he watched them watch TV, thinking that his mother would be so happy to see Sang Tae with a friend at last.

"Did you guys have dinner?" he asked, putting his backpack down on the floor.

Moon Young turned to look at him and smiled — a friendly, small smile that was nothing like her usual mischievous smirk. He felt strangely bereft at the absence of the signature smirk. This new smile looked familiar to him. With a sinking feeling, he realised it was familiar because it was exactly the kind of fake smile he usually had on his face when he was pretending that everything was fine.

"I ordered some pizza, there's some waiting for you downstairs," she said, standing up. "Get changed and go eat the pizza. See you later, oppa." She started to walk past him, and without thinking, he reached out to grab her arm. She inhaled sharply at his touch, a subtle reaction that most would have missed, but because he was always so tuned into her every movement, he noticed it.

"What is it?" she said, and he realised he didn't have a response.

"I—uh," he replied dumbly, wanting to say so much but not sure how.

Are you okay?

Are you mad at me?

Why aren't you talking to me anymore?

I miss you.

Instead, he settled on, "I know I said we'll go to Joo Ri's place on the weekends, but I guess it's a bit impractical ... and ... is it OK with you if we don't go this weekend?"

Moon Young's face lit up, and his stomach flipped at the hopeful expression in her eyes. "Of course it's OK," she said, her smile turning a little wobbly. "This is your home, too. Going somewhere else for every weekend would be inconvenient."

She was looking up at him with a genuine smile now, and he was smiling back. He suddenly realised he was still holding her arm, and he let it go. She looked down at her arm, then up at him. He waited for her to say something, anything.

"Enjoy the pizza," she said, turning to leave. What was wrong? She wasn't herself.

"I'm off tomorrow," he blurted out to her retreating back.

She turned back. "Oh, that's nice," she said slowly. "What are you planning to do?"

"Do — do you want to go somewhere together tomorrow?" he asked.

"Together? As in, you and me?" she said, raising her eyebrows in surprise.

He nodded, waiting nervously for her answer. He found himself wanting to spend time with her, and he had barely even managed to get ten minutes of her time over the past couple of days. He always had fun when he was with her, and he wanted to go do something with her. Maybe visit a mountain or a field.

He also wanted to ask her what was wrong, but perhaps it would be better to ask her when they were out and about. He wondered if she was having nightmares again.

He didn't know why he couldn't just talk to her openly right now. He was really confused about how he felt about her, and her withdrawal over the last few days had left him with a few realisations that made him feel very guilty. Firstly, that despite how he reacted, Moon Young's random actions and comments were usually the highlights of his day. And secondly, he enjoyed when she came onto him because then he didn't have to take the initiative and could control the situation. He didn't want her to back away. He wanted her to be herself again, with him.

"Sure, I'd love that," she said, smiling even wider. "Where do you want to go?"

"Not sure, maybe a nearby mountain or something?" he said, relieved to see some happiness in her features. "Hyung has work at the pizza place tomorrow, so we can head out after he's gone. Maybe around 11am?"

"Sounds great," Moon Young said. "I'll be ready at 11!" With that, she left, and he wondered if it was wishful thinking for him to believe there was now a spring in her step.