One Shots

It's Over

             
                                    Joshaya

I sat under a tree. The biggest tree I could find in this park. Just wanting to be alone, away from everything and everyone.

Recently, I learned that the guy I have been crushing on for years, the guy who told me he'd wait for me, is in a relationship. He even proposed to her. All I felt was the hurt. Did he ever even like me? Was "someday" just a load of crap? I'm sure he had to know that this would affect me immensely. This is literally my worst nightmare and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

After sitting there crying for hours into my arms, I heard a voice call out to me. A voice that I knew all too well. What was he doing here? How did he even know where I was? I did not look up, I just pulled my knees up and rested my arms on them. This was a conversation that I did not want to have.

"Maya" he calls out again, this time I let out a low grunting sound while holding back the tears that started to form again. "Please talk to me"

"Go away" I whisper but loud enough so he could hear.

"I didn't mean for you to find out that way"

"Whatever" I shook my head in frustration. "Just leave me alone, okay"

"I can't do that" he mentions and sits next to me in a crisscross way. I groaned out of annoyance and faced  him, my eyes red and wet from the crying.

"Why are you here? Don't you have a fiancée to entertain?"

His face softened at the sight of my tears, "I...don't know." he reached his hand up to my face resting it at the crook of my neck. I stared back into his eyes, resisting the urge to kiss him. My feelings were overwhelming in that moment. "I'm sorry"

"There aren't enough 'I'm sorry's' for this...just go"

"Maya...don't"

"Leave me alone!" I exclaimed with anger and more tears fell down my face. He was hurt. Good. He needed to feel what I felt. I no longer cared. Josh sighed sadly giving me one last look, before getting up and walking away. There was never going to be a "someday", everything was all a lie.

How could I let him get in my head like that?

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It was the day of Josh's so called bachelor party. He didn't have a traditional one, instead he invited a bunch of his close friends and family. Everyone gathered at Cory and Topanga's place. I was only there because Riley was there. Months after learning of this news, I have kept my distance from Josh, the best that I could. Seeing him only brought back the memories of when I was naive and thought he'd be mine one day.

"I never thought I would see this day" Riley says to Josh smiling. That made me giggle. Only I knew what she really meant. She meant that she never thought he would be marrying someone other than me. But all was over now. I watched everyone be happy for him and praise him for finding "the one", and after awhile I just had to leave. Making my way up to the roof, I stood over the ledge and leaned down it, looking out at nothing in particular. Part of me wanted to just break up his stupid engagement but then part of me realizes that would be wrong. Suppose he is really happy with his decision, and this really was it. Love stinks.

"What you doing up here?" I hear Josh say from behind me and walking closer until he's standing next to me.

"Just getting some air" I lie, he didn't need to know the real reason or perhaps he did know already. "Congrats, I guess"

"Yeah...thanks" he says inhaling and stuffing his hands in his jacket pocket. "There's going to be pizza delivered soon"

"Awesome" I reply awkwardly, avoiding eye contact. Any encounter we have had since he got engaged has been utterly and extremely awkward. It was never like this before.

"So..." Josh starts, "I thought about some things...I, um..." he trailed off and went silent. My heart pounded in my chest wondering what he wanted to say. I turned to face him, looking into his blue eyes that looked amazing.

"What is it Josh?"

Josh stared back at me for a moment, "I don't want to lose you" he says finally, reaching his hand out to hold mine, "I want you to stay in my life"

"Josh" I shook my head at his words, "I can't bear to be around you. It hurts. And knowing you chose her, just, I can't"

"Then I take it back" his eyes glistening from tears forming, "I cannot deny that I feel something for you anymore, my feelings are real, Maya"

"Dude, you're getting married tomorrow. It's over" I respond pulling away from him and taking a step back. "You chose. Now you have to live with it." I shrugged and walked away from him. In that moment, I felt powered, relieved even, those were words I didn't know that I could say to him. After years of him living in my head rent free, it really was over. Maybe I said it because I wanted him to truly feel how I felt, but for what ever the reason, I was going to enjoy this for as long as possible.

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