Hold on I still want you

Chapter 6

Magnus took Alec home while Izzy took Clary away on holiday to get away from the institute, as they didn't have their own home outside of the institute like Magnus did. Magnus had offered to let them stay at his, but Izzy and Clary had wanted to be alone. Izzy's anger had rivaled Magnus' when she discovered what happened and it had taken a lot of people to stop Izzy beating up the alphas that had raped her brother and girlfriend. 

Though Magnus normally conjured food for him and Alec, he wanted to make the effort to cook Alec his favourite meal himself. Alec more than deserved someone cooking for him for once. Alec had to learn to cook for his siblings as the food the institute provided usually wasn't great and their parents were always away. Magnus knew many alphas had learned Alec could cook and had kept trying to make Alec work in the kitchens instead of going on missions, as they felt that was what omegas should do when they weren't pleasing alphas. 

Magnus had been furious when Alec told him and had a talking to with those alphas. Alec had been shell shocked when he had brought him home, Magnus knew he was still reeling from being raped. So Magnus had spent all day with Alec curled into him on the sofa with a movie in the background, while he did his best to comfort Alec. 

When it was dinner time, Alec had calmed down a bit so Magnus led Alec out to the balcony when the food was ready to be served. Magnus felt a rush of pride when Alec smiled in wonder at the food and decorations Magnus had added to the balcony and when Alec hugged Magnus. 

"Thank you Magnus, you-you didn't have to do this for me". 

"I know but I wanted to". 

Alec felt his heart warm at Magnus' words. Alec loved that Magnus was a gentleman at heart and that he pulled Alec's chair back for him. Magnus then served their food. Alec tried to focus on this moment of being with his love, but he was afraid of facing Victor again. Alec didn't like to admit it, but he felt scared at the thought of going back to the institute. 

Alec had yet to tell Magnus about wanting to become a vampire so he could be happy with Magnus forever. Alec knew he had to tell him now, if he left it any longer Alec would be too anxious and never tell Magnus. 

"Listen Magnus, there is something I would like to talk to you about". 

Magnus frowned in concern, "What is it?" 

"I love you so much and I can't bear to lose you and I will one day if I stay mortal. I want to become a vampire so I can be immortal and live with you forever". 

"Alexander it means so much that you would do this, but I can't let you become a vampire. If you become one you won't be a shadowhunter anymore". 

"I know that but I love you more than anything, more than being a shadowhunter". 

"You're kind won't accept you-"

"They already don't because I'm an omega", Alec argued. "I have spent my whole life dealing with that, I can handle it". 

"But you have just been through a horrifying experience, you need time to heal you aren't thinking clearly". 

"I am Magnus, I have been thinking about this for months", Alec said. 

It hurt that Magnus thought he wasn't thinking about this properly and that he hadn't thought of the consequences. Alec had thought through all the consequences carefully. His colleagues already belittled and abused him for being an omega, he knew it would be worse if he became a Downworlder. He had seen how they treated Simon and Magnus. It was worse for Simon though, as many were too scared of Magnus to try it with him and Magnus was better at intimidating them. 

But Alec was willing to bear it so he could be with the love of his life forever. When Clary had forced Alec to watch Twilight, he had seen Bella's nightmares of being old while Edward still looked seventeen. Bella's situation was so similar to Alec's that he had the same nightmares Bella did for a long time after that. In the nightmares he was an old man while Magnus still looked so young and beautiful and Magnus left him for younger people. At first it was hard to watch Twilight with Clary because of this, but over time Alec had even found himself enjoying Twilight because he could relate to Bella so much. 

Bella had the same problem of being in love with an immortal while she was mortal like him. She had become a vampire so she could be with her love forever and Alec wanted to do the same thing for Magnus. Clary had felt terrible for making him watch Twilight when she realized how much Bella's pain was similar to Alec's, but Alec reassured her that to his great surprise Bella had become an inspiration to him. He hoped Clary wouldn't tell Jace or Izzy that, they would tease him mercilessly for it. 

Another consequence would be loosing his parabatai bond with Jace. That consequence would be heartbreaking for both Alec and Jace, so Alec knew he had to talk to Jace about it. At first Jace was very upset and didn't want him to do this, but when Alec had explained why he wanted to Jace came around. It took him a long time to, but he understood what Alec was going through. He was also in love with an immortal. Alec's decision even made Jace think about coming a vampire. 

It would always hurt Alec to loose his bond with Jace but they were brothers, they didn't need to be parabatai to love each other. A part of Alec hoped Jace would become a vampire, he would be one less person he would have to watch die.

"For months? Why didn't you tell me?" Magnus said angrily. 

"I needed to be sure before I told you and I was afraid you would react like this".  

"Alec if this is to escape Victor, don't lie about it being because you love me!" 

Alec's heart hurt even more at these words especially when he called him Alec and not Alexander, "This isn't about that, I would never lie about this. It won't matter if I'm a shadowhunter or a vampire, I won't ever be able to escape him. How could you think I would lie?" 

"It wouldn't be the first time you lied to me", Magnus said coldly. 

"I was trying to protect you, I thought you had forgiven me", Alec said, his heart shattering because Magnus had thrown that back in his face. 

"I have but how can I know you wouldn't lie again when you have already lied to me?" 

"Magnus please believe me, I'm not lying. I want to be a vampire because I love you".

Magnus refused to listen he got up and stormed away leaving Alec in tears. Alec had known Magnus wouldn't like the idea of him becoming a vampire, but he had never thought he would do this. Alec felt so alone and heartbroken when Magnus left. He flinched when he heard Magnus slam the front door. Alec was still reeling from the attack and he wished he hadn't brought up wanting to be a vampire now. Alec needed Magnus' comfort so much but now Magnus had left the apartment. 

Alec had no way of knowing where Magnus had gone and he knew there was no point trying to follow Magnus as he would have just portalled out. He wouldn't be able to track him either as Magnus was too powerful. There was still a lot food left that he hadn't eaten but Alec was too upset to eat so he put away his and Magnus' left over food. Magnus had worked hard on this meal and he didn't want to waste it. Alec curled up on the sofa longing for Magnus to come back and hold him.