"I looked at myself in the mirror one last time before continuing to the door just to make sure I looked beautiful. Looking through the peephole to see who it was, but I really just wanted to get a glance at how my mom looked to see if she was anything like I've always imagined."
...
Asia
April 2011
Listening to the sound of my ring tone staring at the phone debating if I should answer the call or let it ring out and ignore him. I finally decided to pick up the phone just to see what my father wanted.
"Hello"
"Hi, baby girl."
hi baby girl? I thought to myself. He then went on to say
"I spoke to your mom today, and she asked if she can have your number and address so that she could reach out to you."
"No," I quickly replied.
"I don't want anything to do with you or her."
"Oh, Well, it's too late. I gave it to her already, and she should be calling you soon, And I love you, so don't be like that. Don't be an evil child."
As he spoke those words to me, all I can do is hate him all over again.
He was one of those dads that never called to check-in and saw how I was doing or if I ever needed anything. He would come around once in a blue moon, and most of the time, we wouldn't even say one word to each other. After a while, I became comfortable with not speaking to him. I was always mean to him because I had no respect for him as a father. After I got that call, my head just wasn't right. My heart was still filled with so much hatred towards my parents, but I tried to ignore it the best way I could like I did for years.
I reached my hair appointment when I received a phone call from a weird number I didn't recognize.
"You have a call from an inmate at.." I immediately froze for a minute. It felt as if my heart dropped, and I started to feel butterflies in my stomach. I accepted the call, and to actually hear my mother's voice on the other end of the phone brought tears to my eyes.
"Hello... Ty?"
"Yes," I replied.
"Omg baby, it's so great to hear your voice. Before we start talking, I just want to say I am sooooo sorry for everything."
I was so tired of hearing sorry from people in life. It seemed like everyone always betrayed me, and I was tired of it.
"Hi," I replied, attempting to sound as standoffish as I could.
She went on and on asking me questions about my life, what I've been up to, and what's new in my life. We spoke for what felt like 2 minutes because jail calls were only but so long. After hanging up, I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulder, but I still was angry with her. I never thought the day would come that I would be on the phone with my mom, let alone even talking to her at all. I didn't know how to feel about the phone call. It felt weird talking to my mom about things she should already know about me.
After the call, we started to speak every day, and we would also send letters to each other.
May 2012
I heard a knock on my door. As I walked over to my front door, I felt my heart racing and my fingers trembling, I've never felt this nervous in my life to meet someone. I looked at myself in the mirror one last time before continuing to the door just to make sure I looked beautiful. Looking through the peephole to see who it was, but I really just wanted to get a glance at how my mom looked to see if she was anything like I've always imagined.
All I ever heard all my life was, "you look just like your mom," but I never could see it because I had no clue how she looked. As I looked through the peephole, I saw two women. Oddly enough, I instantly knew exactly which one my mom was.
After talking for a while, I felt a little disappointed. It seemed like she was more interested in talking to my friend than she was talking to me. She left and told me she would call me the next day for us to meet up again and hang out. It felt so good to have a mom finally. Even though my Godmother and Aunt stepped up and became my mom, it felt good to have that bond with my biological mother. A week went by, and I have yet to hear from my mom. All types of bad thoughts ran through my mind.
Two weeks later, as I sat in the park in my hood with my friend, someone walked by and shouted my name. As I turned around to say hi to Steven, I saw a lady walk past with her head down, hiding her face. My mom put her head up, looking embarrassed. She started to walk towards me as she cried. Although I was tired of hearing the same sob story, I just couldn't find it in my heart to continue hating her.
To be continued..
Letter to my momma
October 2019
Hey mom,
So let me start this letter by saying i'm so freaking lazy and i be to busy during the weekday to write out a letter so I typed this up on my phone and I'm going to print it at work and send it to you haha. but how are you holding up? i've been praying for you can't wait until you can come out and live the life you want to live.. actually deserve to live! I spoke to desire we both agreed we need to try to build a better relationship. Oh before I forget I absolutely LOVE the birthday card you sent me. it was SO me, you knew exactly what I like that just go to show you listen to me when I speak so again THANK YOU! your letter along with the card made me cry like a baby your words mean a lot. I miss talking to you on the phone. i've been doing some research on the child care you've talking about and how to obtain a certificate I want to help you with anything I can.. but I also think I should
tell you I have plans of moving late February which is earlier than what I was aiming for. Oh remember the documentary and the book I was telling you about? I released a teaser and in the video I was reading the letters you sent me and I got good responses from everyone. i'm going to be successful I can feel it (I like to speak things into existence) but when I do I promise to take care of you as much as I can! You deserve it, you deserve love. When can I send your stuff that you need to you? Do you know the exact date they let you home?
