fall apart ( timothée chalamet imagines )

eighteen ❥ six !

saoirse clicked her tongue and was quick to wrap her delicate arms around you as you cried onto her shoulder. "i know... i know." she simply said. even though she didn't. she couldn't know. she could sympathize perhaps. but never know. "call timmy." she suddently said. you were so surprised that you pulled away with a tiny frown. "yeah, call him." saoirse smiled.

"what are you talking about?"

"tell him how you feel." she said. your eyes widened in shock at such a suggestion. "come on now, you're always so mad at him for not taking you seriously. make him." she held your hand.

"but what if i lose him?" you murmured.

"oh, please. he adores you too much."

you weren't planning on calling timmy. you really weren't. but you caught a glimpse of the polaroid of the two of you that you usually kept on your nightstand; it was the two of you at a get together with various friends and you were sitting on his lap laughing loudly as he just looked at you with a smile.

one look at his smile was all it took. maybe saoirse was right. maybe if you kept this in any longer you'd combust.

you searched for timmy 💌 in your conctact list and pressed the call button. you could already feel your knees shaking with anticipation.

the beeping stopped.

"hello, stranger." you could practically hear the smirk in his voice.

you took a deep breath and you let go. "okay listen, i'm gonna tell you something and i'm gonna be super quick or else i'll chicken the fuck out. i have never felt about anyone the way that i feel about you and it's fucking scary but at the same time it's the best thing that's ever happened to me and every time i think about the fact that you may possibly never see me in a way that's more than friendly i want to fucking lay on my bed and cry for several hours -"

"y/n."

"- because i can't even count how many times i've looked at you and seen the person that i want to spend every single day with and i know that i'm eighteen and i know that the age difference means something at this point in life but i'm sick of it, i'm so fucking sick of it -"

"y/n."

"- but if we're being technical, i'll be nineteen in a few month so that's a whole another year gone by, right?, i'll be older, and if that's what you want then i'm willing to wait -"

"y/n, i love you."

and you stopped talking. your blood went cold. "... what did you just say?" timmy sighed shakily but didn't repeat himself. "timothée chalamet, i swear to fucking god -"

"hold on, i'll be right there." and he hung up.

you wanted to throw your phone against the wall, but refrained to do so. phones were expensive.

close to ten minutes later, you heard a key-like sound coming from outside and before you knew it, timmy was inside (he had a spare key). it was drizzling a little bit outside, you knew because his hair was a little damp. he wasn't wearing a coat or anything, either.

he walked towards you in silence. you only looked at him. he had to iniciate it. he owed it to you, he just had to.

"i love you." he said.

your eyes welled up in tears. "why are you telling me this, timothée?" it was a punch in the gut to call him by his actual name. he was your timmy, and he always had been.

"because it's true."

but that wasn't enough. you were confused. "okay so... if-if you love me... how long were you gonna wait to tell me?"

timmy sighed and shook his head. "i guess... i don't know, i guess i was gonna keep it to myself."

well, that officially does it.

you grabbed him by the collar of his hoodie and smashed your lips onto his. he gasped against your mouth in shock, and you felt him kiss back very hesitantly.

but just as he had started to reciprocate, he pulled away. "y/n..." he said.

"what?" you asked, desperately.

he cupped your face between his hands. "you have no idea how much i want this, okay?" i think i have a pretty clear image, thank you very much. "you're my favorite girl in the whole planet and the one in my dreams as well." he smiled sadly.

"then what is it?" your voice cracked again. "timmy..." but you refrained from finishing the sentence. you had a feeling that this wasn't over and you didn't want to start bawling yet.

you could see the tears welling up in timmy's eyes as well, which made you feel worse. "you feel like i treat you differently because you're younger. and you know what? you're right. you're my special lady, you have so many things to do and discover. i want to take care of you. and i'm scared that... if we ever tried this out... i'd just ruin it for you." he looked down, still holding your face.

"what?"

"y/n, i know for a fact that you've only had two half serious relationships in your whole life. and you've never had sex either." he said. and you blushed because he was right. "i'm different. i've... done stuff. stuff that you haven't. and i know how conceited i must sound but this is me protecting you. you gotta understand where i'm coming from." timmy looked at you with pleading eyes.

it hurt like a million daggers in your chest but you nodded. god, i want to cry.

"it doesn't mean i like it." timmy added, making you look up slightly. "i'd give anything to have you in my arms right now and just... i don't know... make you mine." he shrugged, slightly biting his bottop lip. he slightly shook his head. "when you're older, you'll thank me." i want to punch you in the face. but god, i love you. "y/n, please say something." timmy pleaded.

you sniffled as you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. "you know what? maybe you're right. maybe i do have a lot to experience yet. but here's something that you overlooked; i'm an adult. now i may not act like one when i'm a little over emotional or when i steal a bit of sursh's booze but i'm old enough to make decisions for myself. timmy, you're the last thing i think about when i go to bed and the first thing i think about when i wake up. do you know how happy it would make me if you just got your head out of your ass and accepted the fact that i," you kissed his cheek. "want," you kissed his other cheek. "you." and you gave him a peck on the lips.

"y/n."

"i'm not asking you to be my boyfriend, chill." you said. "i just... i want you to give me a shot. stay the night. we don't have to do anything, i just... i want to have you for one night. just one. and if you're not up for it, we'll never have this conversation ever ag -"

timmy leaned in and kiss you. he seemed more sure about his actions this time. "you sure?" he murmured against your mouth.

"uh huh." you said as you wrapped your arms around his neck. "oh and by the way?"

"yeah."

you smiled. "i love you, too."

_

ugh this was bad i'm sorry i'll do better 🍑