ELBINA 2

Chapter 18

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It's pitch black. Fallen had to switch to his head torch and it's a case of Déjà vu, except he's not carrying Lucas on his back and I don't loathe him.
In fact, I'm worried about him. But worrying doesn't get us anywhere and I should concentrate on what we're doing.
The daylight was lost a while ago and finding our way was getting harder and harder.
We've been following this road for a good while now and within that time there hasn't been a single car driven past us.
Which is fine, great actually.
Eerie though, when the only light source you have is Fallens head torch which is dim to say the least, only covering half the width of the road.
"What're you stopping for?" I pause along beside him; he bends down on his knees pulling aside some bushes. He leans more, shining the torch further into the depths of the bush.
  I can't see anything, but he can.
"We're here." I jolt my head and look down the small gravel track that diverts off from the road. I thought it was just going into nothing, maybe into the fields like every other track coming off the road. I can't see anything off in the distance, I'd hoped maybe the moon's light might reflect off something.
And I thought I might be relieved - that we finally reached our destination- but my heart clenches further in my chest, having to take a heavy shaky breath to ease the pressure.
The feeling is worse now because we don't have a goal. We don't know anything more, at least before we had this place to get to but now, now we're in the unknown.
And that's scarier than I thought it would feel.
I think Fallen feels it too, taking a second to look at us, the light hitting me in the eye that I have to squint away from him.
"Stay close." He turns and we follow him down the track, I feel Lucas take hold of my hand quietly, squeezing it and I instantly squeeze back.
It takes longer than I thought to reach this farm, so long that I question if it's even there. Until finally Fallen's torch flickers over an overgrown door. Vines covering part of it, all dead and stuck down so tight it's almost like it had grown into the wood.
At least this way; we knew no one had been there in a long time, maybe not since our parents.
He tries the handle, it's locked.
Of course.
I search around, feeling the wall without the help of the torch light as Fallen looks around the other side of the door. My hand keeps moving through cobwebs so I have to wipe it off on my jeans every few seconds.
"Over here." I turn to him, Lucas already fumbling with something under all the vines. He's on his knees and I can't see what he's got in his hands until Fallen steps closer to him and shines the light on it. It's a coded padlock and it's thick, rusted in his hands as he turns it over analysing it.
"I think the key'll be in there." I step closer and see him pointing to the metal box there. Fallen tries a code, pushing Lucas aside but whatever ones he tries don't make it budge.
I can't stop thinking about all the events that led us up to this so I push him aside.
"Let me try something." He grumbled about wanting to break it open with a rock but I shook my head at him. Brute force doesn't always work, and I'd like to check out my thought process.
The numbers are rusted and take more pressure than I thought to slide them through, finally I get the right numbers and I pull. It doesn't do anything and Fallen sighs.
I sit back on my heels looking at it, but under the torchlight I can see a line of rust. It had moved and I leaned forward again grabbing the lock with both hands and pulling it down as hard as I could.
I do it twice, then a third time and it finally breaks open. A small plume of rust and dust expelling from it and I smile, glancing up at Fallen. I can't really see what he thinks but I can see him cross his arms over his chest when he looks down.
"How the hell did you know the code?" He sounds shocked and slightly frustrated.
I pull off the lock and open up the box, revealing the key there. It hasn't rusted much at all, still fairly silver coloured and it's only a single key. It's not attached to anything.
"My birthday." I stand up, holding the key out in front of me. I glanced down at it, noticing how much dirt was under my nails under the bright light from Fallen's headlight.
"But why?"
I shrugged,"I think this whole thing... I think it's for me to find."
"But that doesn't make sense. Why would they do that?" I shake my head at him, I don't want to make him feel bad. I really don't but it looks that way.
I can hear it in his voice though, it's strained and confused, our parents didn't leave anything for him to find. That maybe they thought he wouldn't make it? I'm not sure but either way, he sounded a little hurt even if he tried to sound normal.
"I don't know. It's not like we can ask them so why bother questioning it? All I know is that the dog chip was in my arm, which led us here. If they'd wanted me to find that, then they'd want me to find whatever is in this house."
He doesn't say anything in response and I take that as my turn to the door, jamming the key in there and feeling the satisfying turn of the lock. We clear away some of the vines from the door, scratching against my palms and fingertips.
Through the darkness I can feel their nerves, I turn the handle and the door creaks open, using my shoulder to get it all the way open.
The air is so stale that it stings my nose once I step inside, coughing through the dust that was uprooted from the inside of the door.
My hand flicks the switch in the hallway but nothing happens, which I expected.
"No power." I said, Fallen pushes past me saying something about having a look. I can see him moving through the short hallway, the light suddenly expands a little further out. From the short period of light from his torch I can see it's a living room with exposed overhead beams and as he walks further to the back, he passes a kitchen unit. But then he's gone through a door in the back and the light that provided anything for me and Lucas is gone, we're left there standing looking into empty darkness.
"I can't believe this is it." I let out a half laugh when he said it, nodding to myself.
"Me neither." I say even quieter.
He's standing against the door still. Not one of us wanting to move in the dark in case we fall over something. "It's not just me that doesn't feel any better being here?"
I nod in the dark, forgetting he can't see me for a second. "It's definitely not just you."
Suddenly I hear a whirring starting from the back at the house where Fallen disappeared through, it gets louder before settling into a continuous hum of energy.
It's not a few seconds later until the light turns on in the short hallway in front of us.
I smile at Lucas, pointing a finger up to the ceiling when the light flickers loudly. A smile grows on his face as well, that dimple deepening in his cheek when he does. He doesn't have to do much to warm my insides.
We step further into the house, it's a bungalow from what I can gather and now I can flick on another light switch for the main living room. Lucas shuts the door behind me before meeting up next me, I slide off my backpack onto the floor when Fallen comes back through the door.
"Looks like I'm useful for something." He jokes, pulling off his own backpack and throwing his head torch to the ground. He stands around, looking around the room. It's fairly bare, neat but dust covers every single surface.
He starts to walk around the smooth marble countertops that outlined the kitchen area. He circles around into it, wiping a hand over the top of it, admiring it almost.
"Pretty nice place this." I nod, not that he's really looking at me. He's opening up all the cupboards, the fridge which has begun to whir away in the corner. Everything is empty, like it'd never been lived in before.
If it weren't for some of the books neatly arranged on the bookshelf I wouldn't have been surprised if we were the first people to step foot in this house.
I take another step forward, my ankles hot and sore from the long days of walking that the sofa looks far too inviting. I slump onto it, Lucas does the same beside me. His head falls back against it, closing his eyes up to the ceiling. The sofa brings up so much dust that I sneeze through it, wiping my nose from any debris.
"How about we get some sleep? There were some bedrooms in the back." Fallen rests his hands on the counter, looking out at us sat down.
Lucas nods immediately but it takes him a minute or two to drag himself up. Stretching his arms up and that's when I see the deep bright colours poking out the gap between his jeans and the risen up jacket. I gulp having seen them, having to turn away just as quick so he doesn't know I've seen it.
They looked painful, and it makes sense that he'd move slow and stiff.
Fallen gestures to follow them, I get up, looking over the room again but it's still eerie and quiet that I don't want to stay here alone anyway.
Fallen shows us the rooms, Lucas steps into one already yawning and Fallen points to another for me. I contemplate not going in but I also don't want to make any more of a fuss, so I step through. Flicking the light on to see a double bed in here, the room spacious and sparse. The basic necessities and I turn on the lamp beside the bed, Fallen flicks off the big light at the door at the same time.
Before I know it, he's closed the door and left me to my own devices. I'm left staring off at the closed door before falling back onto the bed. My butt hits it and I feel the crisp stale duvet under my fingers.
My hands scrunch the thin duvet into my fists. I'm alone in this dim room, the lamp doesn't offer much light and it would seem silly to turn on the large ceiling light when he only just turned it off.
For some reason my throat gets tight, I don't know why.
I don't know why it's so hard to keep my breathing steady.
I pull off my shoes then my socks, my feet feel odd without them on. I curl them under my body, sitting upright on the bed now and looking around myself.
I still don't feel safe, I still feel as if they're lurking in the corner.
The one that strangled me, the one I killed.
The more I look around myself, aware of everything and stopping and having time to think for myself without anyone with me.
With this horrible, awful silence.
I can't stand it.
I can't stand it to the point my shallows breaths turn into sobs, my throat burns but I can't stop it.
I'm afraid they're too loud and I try to muffle them through my hand, wrapping my other hand through my jumper.
Holding the material in such a tight-fisted grip and pulling it and pulling it. I can't stop thinking of everything, I've managed to ignore it for the past few days, but now.
Now I think too much because I can't do much else when I'm alone in this room.
The walls are too bland and the entire world seems empty and I'm stuck in this loop of fear that never goes away.
Fear and guilt.
And they're both as strong as each other. Taking turns at ramming through my chest and brain till they don't work normal anymore.
I think I'm broken.
Entirely and impossibly broken.
And there doesn't seem to be anything I can do about it, I suppose I deserve it.
After what I've done.
I don't want to be a murderer, Fallen.
But he never promised I wouldn't be one, so I was naive, wasn't I?
Or maybe, like any bad person, I just needed the right reason to go ahead with it.
I don't even realise someone comes through the door, not until they pull me into their lap. Wrapping their arms around me and telling that it's okay; because they're here.
He says my name over again, Elbina. Elbina.
It's okay.
You're okay.
"It's not Fallen."
"It is. It is." His hand wraps around my head, running his hands through my hair.
"It's fine Lucas. She'll be fine, just leave us." He speaks but I can't move my head from out of his chest, I'm sure I look like a mess..
I keep telling myself that this is irrational, that this won't help me.
Why can't I be normal?
Why can't I deal with this like Lucas and Fallen?
They aren't crying their eyes out till they can barely breathe.
"I'll stay in here with you, okay?" I nod, he talks to me like I'm five all over again. I hate being spoken to like that, but I hate it more that it makes me feel better.