tangled up in blue

08

how can you swallow so much sleep- bombay bicycle club

"Can't I just stay in the car?"

The next day, my friends had excitedly announced they were going to the beach, and dragged me along as their unwilling hostage. Lee and I were friends because of our mutual understanding that staying indoors and avoiding other people, no matter the season, was ultimately the best way to spend your time. But all of a sudden, he wasn't feeling another movie marathon in the dark with a bowl of popcorn for the third time that week. I felt betrayed. Shocked. Upset.

Pacey and Beth were also suspiciously energetic. They had this strange idea that summer was 'meant to be spent outdoors, away from a TV screen'. Something was very off about that idea, and I didn't like it one bit.

"Get up, loser. We're in California. You can't just not go to the beach."

I frowned at Beth as she unclipped my seatbelt and tried to drag me out of the car door. "Uh, yeah I can." I said as I pushed her hand away, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "That's exactly what I'm trying to do."

"Dude," said Pacey animatedly. "Think of all the hot girls in bikinis. This beach is huge. The possibilities are endless."

Weirdly, my stomach clenched. The thought should've excited me. Instead, I just felt wrong.

Beth glared at him. "Don't I count?"

He barely spared her a glance, dismissively waving off the notion. "You're lame enough to hang out with us. Of course you don't count."

She crossed her arms and grumbled to herself as I rolled my eyes. "Do I have to?"

Lee sighed. "Yep. And hey, Pace could be onto something. Maybe your One True Love will be here." He broke out into a grin and, looking round the busy seaside parking lot, cupped his hands over his mouth to yell. "Helena! Helena, it's your boyfriend, Noa-"

My eyes widened, and I tumbled out of the car to slam my hands over his mouth, Beth giving me a smug look as she quickly closed the door behind me. I glared back, realising that I was out, and there was no going back. "I hate all of you."

The heat of the California sun bore down on us as we walked along the golden sand, the palm trees and the glistening sea ahead of us making the large beach front picturesque. Summer music filled the air, and tanned, beautiful teenagers played volleyball and ran into the clear water.

It was the stuff of nightmares.

"This is terrible," I said. Bethany only smiled, pulling me by the arm to a spot in the sand where we lay down our towels. All of my friends removed their shirts and shorts while I eyed my surroundings, thoroughly unimpressed.

"Stop being such a Debby Downer and take off your clothes," Beth said as she chucked sunscreen at me.

"At least ask me on a date first," I joked, and she giggled. Pacey shot me a weird look, but being sure I imagined it, I started pulling my shirt over my head as quickly as possible. It's not that I disliked my body, but I'd never been confident in it before, so now, the faint outlines of stitches, bruises and an ugly scar on my torso made me want to disappear even more. None of my friends seemed to care, but I didn't want them looking either. Beth's comforting smile relaxed me slightly.

"That's better."

"Well, we're going in the ocean," Pacey said abruptly, a little too loud. "You can come... if you, er, feel like it."

I'd never had a problem with swimming before. But for some reason, my chest tightened.

Before I could nonchalantly make up some excuse, Lee elbowed me, staring wide eyed to his left. "Dude," he breathed, and I followed his gaze.