To: My Bullies (The diary of Emily Sanchez)

How and Why I've Changed.

I tried being myself, but no one Excepted me for me. Everyone treating me like trash. I got delayed. When I was younger, I got physically bullied. Then as I got older. I got more and more verbally board. Then I started believing what people were saying about me which was that I'm fat and ugly and annoying, And other really mean things. I started believing those mean, hateful comments about my looks and personality. I tried ignoring the rude comments but more and more people would call me names and believe me. And I would just walk home from school, crying and I would feel completely devastated, useless, and unwanted. I felt like no one loves me, I felt like I had no friends. It's awful. Then, I realize that some people are actually just pretending to be my friends because they felt bad for me, and people would always assume that I had mental problems, which I don't.

And people always thought that I barely had any friends. So, people that I actually thought I could trust, betrayed me and hurt me. They stabbed me in the back. And all that Only happened in elementary school. I went to a different middle school then all of the other kids that I basically knew my whole life and grew up with. Even though some of them would bully me a lot. Seventh grade, I was definitely difficult. I got cyber bullied by girls at my school. I'm brokenhearted by a boy I liked but hated at the same time. It was very confusing. And a lot more.

I was so hurt by everything and a majority of the kids at my middle school, elementary school. Later on, in seventh grade. I went through a little goth girl phase. I painted my nails black, I wore black make up, I wear a black shirt, with a ripped shirt on top, and a black jacket, and black leggings I tried making a statement that bullying was not OK and yet, nothing happened. A few days later, the goth girl phase, I was in stopped. Later on in the year, I was just at lunch, sitting at a table with some friends, and guess what? Two boys randomly came up to the table that I was sitting at, and they looked at me and one of them started making a joke about how ugly I am. Luckily, in my case some people that were sitting at the same table as me, helped me out.

Through elementary and middle school, I was so unhappy with my appearance and started hating myself a lot. 

Basically the whole year in seventh grade I was upset and unhappy about everything. A little later on in the year I decided that I have had enough. I felt like I had had enough of being bullied, criticized and treated horribly. I felt like I couldn't even be myself anymore. So I decided to harm myself. I cut myself for the first time. Then, I decided to stop because I knew that I wasn't that type of person to continue to hurt themselves. 

But I was wrong. 

A couple weeks later, I cut myself again then again, then again. Almost every time that I was alone, I will take the opportunity and cut myself over and over again. Every time I would cut myself to get worse. The cuts would be bigger and deeper. And now it's difficult to stop cutting myself. And I kind of enjoy it, but I don't know why. And that is how and why I became a suicidal.